Do you all lie to your friends?

[SueleenGay]

Posted: 5/29/07 at 11:21pm

I feel bad.
I went to see a performance a friend of mine gave and it was really...um...not good.
He worked really hard on it and he has such a strong desire to succeed that I could not bring myself to tell him the truth.
Was I being a bad friend by not saying what I really thought and giving him false hope? I did not want to hurt his feelings, so I just lied.

How do you all handle situations like this?

[StageManager2]

Posted: 5/29/07 at 11:23pm

Honesty is the best policy.

[C is for Company]

Posted: 5/29/07 at 11:24pm

In situations with shows, I usually lie. With most other things though, I am typically honest although with great difficulty because I feel bad knowing that their feelings might be hurt. A lot of times I might be hesitant and they understand I have something negative to say about it and typically just want me to come and say it. It is tricky, but unless what you have to say is too harsh, misleading a friend isn't much nicer either.

Updated On: 5/30/07 at 11:24 PM

[Raviolisun]

Posted: 5/29/07 at 11:25pm

I'm different than a lot of other people, but in a situation like that, I would judt want to be lied to. People normally know it when they're not so good, he doesn't need to hear it from everyone.

[SueleenGay]

Posted: 5/29/07 at 11:26pm

I really tried to find something positive yet constructive, but I just couldn't come up with a way to say it so I just said, "You were GREAT!" Then I had to leave.

Updated On: 5/29/07 at 11:26 PM

[SueleenGay]

Posted: 5/29/07 at 11:29pm

Really, Ravioli? I think it is the opposite. I don't think people ever know just how bad they are.

[miss pennywise]

Posted: 5/29/07 at 11:30pm

In every case when a friend had something to do with a bad production, I have always left without saying anything to the person because I think lying is bad. But I don't judge anyone else for wanting to spare their friend's feelings. It's a terribly difficult position to be in.

So if I attend anyone's show here and run out without saying a word, you'll know what I think!

[Yawper]

Posted: 5/29/07 at 11:31pm

"interesting" "amazing" "not often seen" "different"
"standout" "unusual" umm...

[StageManager2]

Posted: 5/29/07 at 11:32pm

"So if I attend anyone's show here and run out without saying a word, you'll know what I think!"

That explains why you were MIA immediately after my karoke rendition of "Unchained Melody."

Updated On: 5/29/07 at 11:32 PM

[SNAFU]

Posted: 5/29/07 at 11:33pm

There are a list of things you can say that aren't exactly lying like:

"All I can say is WOW!"
"You certainly got out there and gave it your all!"
"I am sure NO ONE could have done what you did any better"
"You were so... so... words escape me."

I had the problem of going to see a friend's stand up routine which was DREADFUL! We did go out to coffee afterward and I did say that comedy was a hard thing to do and he should continue to work at it, that he shouldn't leave is day job yet. It was hard BUT the honesty was appreciated. Honest, friendly critiquing with the proper amount of support is very helpful to people struggling with their craft.

[flutesinger2626]

Posted: 5/29/07 at 11:36pm

SueleenGay based on personal experience I have to disagree. Personally I can tell when I do a bad job during a performance and usually realize just how bad I did but that might just be me.

[PalJoey]

Posted: 5/29/07 at 11:36pm

What possible good could come from your being "honest," which is to say, being cruel? You will not improve the writing or the performing of his piece, and hesides, it is not your role in his life to fix him or change him.

If you are his friend, your role is to be there for him, as his friend, whether his performance is good or bad.

If you are a critic, your role, as his critic, is to criticize.

If you are his collaborator, your role, as his collaborator, is to work with him to get the best finished product.

But being a friend does not mean you are a critic or a collaborator.

If you have mean things to say about him, say them here, but not to him.

Updated On: 5/29/07 at 11:36 PM

[Rose_MacShane]

Posted: 5/29/07 at 11:37pm

I usually say something noncommittal. My personal favorite is "That was really good!"

[miss pennywise]

Posted: 5/29/07 at 11:37pm

I just think that if I am INsincere, people who know me will see right through it. That's why I have never even contemplated being an actor!

SM2, I would pay good money to see you do karaoke...and I wouldn't leave. I would demand more.

[Jane2]

Posted: 5/29/07 at 11:37pm

Somehow I think hurting your friend by telling them what you really think is a worse thing to do than lying.

I mean, we're not talking about something like "do these pants make me look fat?"

We're talking about something that may break his heart-don't do it.

[SueleenGay]

Posted: 5/29/07 at 11:38pm

I can say that at least I did not do that horrible forced laughter that friends and family often do at bad shows. There was one guy there tonight that just laughed and laughed and it was obviously so forced it was embarrassing.

[StageManager2]

Posted: 5/29/07 at 11:41pm

I think if someone asks you your honest opinion, you should give it. No beating off around the bush.

[SueleenGay]

Posted: 5/29/07 at 11:42pm

PJ and Jane, I see your point, but this is not really a one time thing. In my opinion this person has NO talent and is deluding himself into thinking he will have a career. It breaks my heart. I know ultimately he has to discover that for himself, but I feel like a louse if I encourage it.

[miss pennywise]

Posted: 5/29/07 at 11:43pm

I think PJ said it best: "But being a friend does not mean you are a critic or a collaborator."

[Jane2]

Posted: 5/29/07 at 11:43pm

I don't think giving an honest opinion is always the best idea. Are you more concerned about being honest or about really hurting someone's feelings?

Also, you may not think your friend is talented, but others may, and why should you do anything to stop them from reaching for their dream?

[StageManager2]

Posted: 5/29/07 at 11:43pm

False hope is the worst thing you can give anyone. I'd rather know the awful truth than live with an illusion.

[smartpenguin78]

Posted: 5/29/07 at 11:43pm

How about being constructive with the critique? Actually tell your friend how they may be able to improve. I would hate to be told the obligitory "you were amazing" if I do a crappy job, but just saying "you were awful" is equally destructive. Tell people the truth, but with an eye toward improvement and with self depreciation and humor.

Of course I simply create a sock puppet and post thread after thread about how "omG that was so tottally the crapppoiest performance EVer" or some such.

[Raviolisun]

Posted: 5/29/07 at 11:46pm

In response to what you said Sueleen, I normally feel very uncomfortable when I'm doing something wrong, and can normally catch it. I can't really imagine someone not knowing at least a little bit how bad they are.

[PalJoey]

Posted: 5/29/07 at 11:48pm

Obviously it makes him happy--or as happy as he wants or needs to be.

Your judgment of him ultimately means nothing--absolutely nothing. It doesn't help him in any way whatsoever. All it does is get in the way of your being able to love him and be a friend.

So what if he's bad? So what if he STINKS? It just doesn't matter. It doesn't make him a bad person.

I know many, many UN-talented people--people without a lick of talent, people without a SHRED of it. And you know what?

Some of them are very successful.

Updated On: 5/29/07 at 11:48 PM

[Jane2]

Posted: 5/29/07 at 11:50pm

Who are we to deny hope to someone? Since when is our opinion the only right one?

I'm glad my friends support me in what I strive to do. That's what I consider a friend to be-supportive, not destructive.