HELP! I've been robbes by my Best friend!!Need Advice!!

[romantico]

Posted: 11/24/06 at 11:12am

Okay, I appologize for the length of this post but I am trying to give you all enough information. I WAS ROBBED! I just discovered this yesterday and have been very upset since.

I moved in with my Mom about 2 years ago. She wants some work done on the house so she can put it up for sale and move to a smaller condo. I moved in to help her with fixing things and she's helping me save a little as well. Last year we discovered we had a mold problem. We had it fixed while we were staying at a hotel. Since the contractors were there we figured now is the time to do some of the work we wanted to do. The mold was taken care and now we're just doing some basic remodeling.

My friend who I will call John is someone I have known for 20 years. I trust him with pretty much everything. John knows I have another friend who recently died. This friend knew he was dying and over the past few months has given me stuff. Jewlery, art, antiques, etc. This friend who died ran an antique shop for years and had these totes about 11X10 (a little bigger than a shoe box) all over the house.When he died I took all these totes of small odds and ends over to Johns to inspect. He was very excited and told me I had a bout $5,000 here. joh sells alot on ebay and loves to research this sort of thing. Thats why I showed it to him, because he knew what I had. Alot of Broadway memorbilia, art deco cases,Netsukes, silver, jewelery,etc.

Yesterday I noticed these totes were all empty. I panicked and first thoght it was the contractor. After a while I knew it had to be my friend John. this is stuff that was wrapped in tissue paper placed in a tote. Its not the thing a common theif would take. John knew the containers they were in, what was in them, how to move them. I also told John how nervous I was because anyone could get into our house. The contractors had not put new doors on yet and John was the only one who knew this. Our neighbors knew that we living somewhere else and on the lookout, but they knew John was friend and had sen him with me at the house alot.

My gut tells me its John. It has taken alot for me to say this. We're talking 20 years. This guy is like a brother to me. But I know it CAN NOT be anyone else. John drives by my house even when he knows we're not there. I know this because he tells me. One day last week I saw him drive past my house and then go around the block before he came by. I know in my heart its him, but I can not prove it.

My Question: How do I approach him? My brother suggested I go onto ebay and look for my stuff. I know his user id but I'm not sure if he knows I know. He could have sold this to a dealer or be using another user id. I need to let him know I know. ANother problem is I'm not sure how long its been missing. We have filled in the door I believe he used a month ago so this could have been in August or September that he took this stuff. His wife is so sweet. I thoight about asking her. I knwo he does stuff on eBay she does not know about. I think he has been stealing from his boss as well. About 2 or 3 times a month he sells a power drill new in box for about $150-200. His boss sells them where he works. MAYBE, he's selling them for his boss, who knows but I printed them out just in case to have for my own records.

I hate doing this. I know I have to confront him and I know he will deny it. I have to let him know though. Any advice? Sorry I rambled on so long.

[Rathnait62]

Posted: 11/24/06 at 11:19am

Sounds like your friend needs help.

[romantico]

Posted: 11/24/06 at 11:24am

Well, he's 40 years old and in my opinion, you don't just 'learn this' at 40. I think he's been clever, lucky, and is experienced. There was ALOT of theatre memorbilia in there. I would go to the police, but without proof, what chance have I got? I KNOW with all my heart its him and thats a very hard accusation for me to make about someone I have known for nearly 20 years.

[Rathnait62]

Posted: 11/24/06 at 11:26am

He needs help. You just want to punish him? Help him. Wouldn't he do the same for you if the roles were reversed?

[papalovesmambo]

Posted: 11/24/06 at 11:29am

waterboard him until he breaks and confesses, then execute him and make the body do the houdini.

[erikaamato]

Posted: 11/24/06 at 11:29am

You have absolutely no proof at this point, and the cops would say it's more likely that it was the contractors. And you had an open door. (Um, I would never have left anything of value in a house that couldn't be secured, but that's another topic.)

I agree with your brother that you should check on ebay for your things. Then, if you find any, proceed from there. (Create a new username, contact the seller, ask questions like you're thinking of bidding, and see if it really is your friend.) Once you have proof, you can confront him, but at this point, I don't really think you can...

And Rath is right. If it is him (which it probably is), he is very sick and needs help.

[papalovesmambo]

Posted: 11/24/06 at 11:33am

don't listen to the women. capture him and make him talk!

[SueleenGay]

Posted: 11/24/06 at 12:29pm

I assume you filed a police report. And to think that just because the neighbors were on the look out doesn't mean that they were on the lookout 24/7, unless their name is Kravitz. It seems suspicious, but there is no way to prove it as Erika pointed out. It sounds like the property was unsecured for some time with who knows how many contractors and their assistants having access. What were you thinking leaving valuable property unguarded like that. Sorry, but I don't think there is much you can do unless it shows up on e-bay. Have you told your friend that the stuff is missing? What did he say when you told him?

[romantico]

Posted: 11/24/06 at 12:34pm

I haven't told him....yet. Yes, the house was unlocked, but NO ONE KNEW THIS...but my friend. There has NEVER been any kind of robbery on our street in the 18 years she has lived there. As for the stuff, they were ina very hard to get area covered with other boxes. Its unlikely any theif would go staright to those boxes, unwrap items that are rolled in tissue, inspect them and take them out one by one. A thief would have rushed and taken the boxes, not take the contents of the boxes. I didn't notice anything because the boxes were there. My friend knew exactly what kind of boxes they were, what was in them, their value, and where to go without wasting time. We're going to the poice dept.tonight. Thanks for the advice and concern!!

[SueleenGay]

Posted: 11/24/06 at 12:37pm

Well that is a little different. Yes, I would say he was the prime suspect time to call Jane Tennison! I am sure the police will have no trouble handling this one. I am sorry your friend turned out to be a thief. That is really the sad thing.

[romantico]

Posted: 11/24/06 at 1:24pm

. At this point I am 90% certain its him
I'd feel better if I could say 100%. Too many clues. He stalks my house and tells me how he drove by. I live on a street that he doesn't need to drive by. Theres no outlet. He has made himself known in my neighborhood without my help. Theres a bike trail behind my house. This summer he parked his car in my driveway and went biking with his daughter. When they got back they say outside in back of the truck eating sandwhiches. In the winter, he comes by and plows my driveway. He waves at the neighbors and is always friendly. My neighbor had a tag sale and he came over to check things out. I never thought anything of this but am now begining to think he was wanting to make himself known to the neighborhood that he is a close friend of mine.

When I showed him this stuff, he kept telling me how I had a fortune here and how he could help me sell it. He asks alot of questions about the house. (are the contractors gonna ne there tomorrow? How soon til you move in? He'll call me on my cell phone and ask where I am and where my Mom is, and so on) I'm thinking of this stuff only now. I never would have given it a second thought before. The contractors are a suspect but I put them way down on the list.There are other things more valubale they could have taken. I have vintage Disney Cels all around. They could have taken any of those. I told my friend that I took them to a relatives house for safe keeping and he got angry with me. He said I was paranoid and dumb for doing that. I didn,t think anything of it at the time but I remember clearly that he was really angery and botter. ALOT of things are making sense now and I'm piecing things together. Also, there was a small amount of stuff he photographed for me that was in these boxes. These items he took photos of and gave me a disc containg the pics are the ONLY thing he didn;t take. Wouldn't a thief who grabbed everything take these as well? Why leave these? IMO, he left them because he knew I had photgraphs of them and he checked them out and saw they weren't worth as much.

[SueleenGay]

Posted: 11/24/06 at 1:30pm

Why didn't he take the Disney cells? Did you remove them from the house before the other stuff was taken? It seems those would be worth more.

[romantico]

Posted: 11/24/06 at 1:35pm

Thats what I was wondering. My guess he didn't know why I kept them. I have since takne them over to a relatives for safe keeping. We have locks on our doors now And I think he was getting in through our garage door.He can't now unless he breaks in. My guess he figures anything missing I or he can say it MUST have been the contractors. I don;t think a contractor is gonna take a risk like that for so little. Also, why would this stuff appeal to a contractor? Okay, maybe if I had some power tools out or some electronics like a Playstation 3 or a digital camera, but antiques that on the surface look like junk that are semi hidden? its a hard pill for me to swallow. I think he has given this more thought than I had and planned everything out.

[neddyfrank2]

Posted: 11/24/06 at 1:35pm

I would confront him and tell him that if he doesn't confess you will get the police involved

[romantico]

Posted: 11/24/06 at 1:40pm

See, thats what I am confused about. What proof do I have? I can tell the cops everything I have said here but without proof I may be stuck. Another person told me that if my car was stolen and I have no proof who took it, the cops will investigate. I'm thinking about going down to the Police station and asking them for advice and see what happens. If they file a report with a description of my items and two months from now it appears on eBay I might have a case, but who has the time to check all this stuff on a regular basis?

[SueleenGay]

Posted: 11/24/06 at 1:43pm

Quit stalling, just go to the police. Why are you waiting?

[romantico]

Posted: 11/24/06 at 1:52pm

Actually, I'm waiting for my Mom. I figured since its her house she should be there with me. Its possible since the items were stolen from HER house her homeowner's insurance may cover some or all of the losses.My Mom does not get off work til 5:00. I want to talk to a detective not a cop. If I have to come back I will but hopefully I'll be able to fill out a police report for now. Thanks again for your concern and help!

[SueleenGay]

Posted: 11/24/06 at 1:57pm

Insurance companies will at the very least expect a police report be filed. Keep us posted.

[KelRel]

Posted: 11/24/06 at 3:39pm

Police can finger print and while he can say that he touched them with you you can see if there are any other prints on the boxes. If there aren't then guess what... He can't dogde around that one too much. Why didn't you call the police as soon as you noticed the items missing. Oh and FYI, most insurance companies won't cover stolen items if the house was unsecured. You didn't make enough effort to protect these items then why should they replace them. My dad works for insurance companies so he has dealt with this stuff before.

Call the cops, look on eBay and let the police confront your friend if they find his finger prints on the items. Perhaps the police will scare him into giving the items back. Or at least the mention of the police.

[romantico]

Posted: 11/24/06 at 4:01pm

WOW! Thanks EVERYONE for the advice! I have found it both comofrting and helpful!!! As for why I didn't report this earlier I just discovered this at about 11:30 last night. I am guessing this stuff has been missing for a couple months, but have no idea.

I just asked a friend who is in law inforcement about this. As for reporting it, he says I should ask for a detective and not a cop. He thinks I should inventory as much of this stuff as I can and then go to the police. I told him the whole story and I must say, I find his advice not very comforting. He says I should not accuse anyone. I should just stick to the facts and what I know. I told him what about my friend knowing the totes and whats in them? What about his interest and the fact he deals with sort of stuff on eBay? The fact he was the only one who knew my house was unlocked? All these details IMO, are important. His answer was, well detectives are gonna do the least amount of work for you. If you give them a name of this guy they will got to his house and question him. When he tells them he knows nothing about it the detective will note this guy was approached and questioned and thats it. John can sell this stuff some other way or just panick and throw it all away now that he knows we're on to him. So, as you can see I have no idea where to go from here.

Tonight I am going to try my best to catalog everything I can remember and write it all down.
Tomorrow morning I am going to go to the police dept and file a report. I am going to tell them I would like proceed with this cautiously. As of now I don;t know if I should downplay my suspecting my friend or if I should tell them everything I know and keep my fingers crossed they don;t mess this up. ANother option is to confront him and tell him I know he has it and I want it back. I can try to use guilt and plead with him that no questions asked I just want my stuff back. I may even tell him maybe we can try to work things out but not til I get my stuff back. Atleast I would have a better chance. If the police approach him first and get nowhere I doubt I will. I mean, for me to ask him for it back AFTER the police question will just appear lame. He'll figure If the police have nothing on him what can you do? Either way, I don't think I'll see this stuff again.

[KelRel]

Posted: 11/24/06 at 5:14pm

Have them come and finger print, then ask the detective for his/her advice. Tell them that you would like the opportunity to talk to him first before having the detective contact him. Let your friend know that the police are involved and that you hate to accuse him, but that he is the only person who knew about the items and that they were the only ones touched. Tell him that if he took them then you will not pursue it futher if the items are returned as is. Then if that works take the items, lock them up and cut all ties with this "friend". If he denies it then tell him that you still can't shake your suspicions and have the detective look into it. Either way I think your friendship is over because I doubt you will ever get over suspecting him for this and that can't be good for a friendship.

edit-

Did you find anything on Ebay?

Updated On: 11/24/06 at 05:14 PM

[MOXIEINTHECITY]

Posted: 11/24/06 at 6:36pm

John knew the containers they were in, what was in them, how to move them. I also told John how nervous I was because anyone could get into our house. The contractors had not put new doors on yet and John was the only one who knew this. Our neighbors knew that we living somewhere else and on the lookout, but they knew John was friend and had sen him with me at the house alot.


So, "anyone" could get in your house and you left these expensive items there? I'm assuming the contractor and his staff also knew that "anyone" could get into the house?

Either your friend John is the stupidest person on earth and stole those otems or they were moved to a safer place or someone who works for the contractor took them.

Consider this: If you were going to steal something, something that the owner of that thing told only you about, wouldn't you have at least tried to make it look like a random break in? Would you be so obvious about it? Wouldn't you just take the totes with the items inside and leave? If I'm a thief, I want my escape to be as quick and easy as possible.

And if I'm John, and I know what items are of value at what aren't, I'm taking the more valuable things and leaving the rest. John would have taken a few things and left the totes and other items as is so that you would never even notice they were missing. Or he would have taken everything including the totes to make it look like a regular robbery. Thiefs don't walk around with sacks like Santa Claus.

It could possibly be that John took them to photograph them for eBay, get them appraised or something totally innocent and just forgot to tell you. I don't think he stole them at all. As a matter of fact, I don't think anyone stole them.

[TheatreDiva90016]

Posted: 11/24/06 at 6:38pm

Moxie did it!

*Points at Moxie*

[Ebonic_Singer]

Posted: 11/24/06 at 6:44pm

Has anyone else noticed that PapaLoves changed the title of this thread to "kill the white people?" Because I find it hilarious.

[TheatreDiva90016]

Posted: 11/24/06 at 6:54pm

We don't pay him much attention.