I Owe My Mother
I Owe My Mother
#0I Owe My Mother
Posted: 3/22/05 at 4:31pm
I OWE MY MOTHER!!
1.My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2.My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that it will come out of the carpet."
3.My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. Mymother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."
5.My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall ! out of t hat swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6.My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7.My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8.My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9.My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10.My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11.My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12 My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13.My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14.My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"S! top acti ng like your father!"
15.My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16.My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17.My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18.My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19.My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20.My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21.My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22.My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23.My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Where do you think you were born, in a barn?"
24.My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
"I don't really get the ending,all i can go with is when after several months,Judith saw Pat sang,and later she kissed him on the toilet,after that the story back to where Pat went down from the stage after he'd sung,and he went to the italian lady.I just don't get it,what Judith exatcly meant when he kissed Pat that she had seen,and did Pat end up together with The Italian Lady?Please help me,thank u very much!"
Quote from someone on IMDB in reference to a movie he/she didn't understand. Such grammar!
#1re: I Owe My Mother
Posted: 3/22/05 at 4:35pm
25. MY mother taught me about SAFE SEX:
"If only I'd swallowed, I wouldn't have to deal with this crap."
Suzanne: I never use catalogs. I'd rather go in the store and see all the salespeople groveling and sucking up to you.
Julia: Pardon me, I never knew they were so solicitous at the K-Mart.
popcultureboy
Broadway Legend Joined: 7/23/03
#2re: I Owe My Mother
Posted: 3/22/05 at 4:42pmJailyard you need help.
Nothing precious, plain to see, don't make a fuss over me. Not loud, not soft, but somewhere inbetween. Say sorry, just let it be the word you mean.
#3re: I Owe My Mother
Posted: 3/22/05 at 4:43pmHey, SHE said it.
Suzanne: I never use catalogs. I'd rather go in the store and see all the salespeople groveling and sucking up to you.
Julia: Pardon me, I never knew they were so solicitous at the K-Mart.
#6re: I Owe My Mother
Posted: 3/22/05 at 4:49pm
You have clearly not met the woman. She's a 6'2 bisexual Swedish 42-year old fag hag. She's scary. Wonderful, but scary.
She'd loooooooooooooove you. 
Suzanne: I never use catalogs. I'd rather go in the store and see all the salespeople groveling and sucking up to you.
Julia: Pardon me, I never knew they were so solicitous at the K-Mart.
#8re: I Owe My Mother
Posted: 3/22/05 at 4:52pmActually...not only do you look like La Spears...you kind of look exactly like my sister, and my mom when she was in her teens. Except, you know...shorter.
Suzanne: I never use catalogs. I'd rather go in the store and see all the salespeople groveling and sucking up to you.
Julia: Pardon me, I never knew they were so solicitous at the K-Mart.
#10re: I Owe My Mother
Posted: 3/22/05 at 4:54pmListen sweetheart, I look nothing like Spears. Nothing. That picture is lying to you.
#11re: I Owe My Mother
Posted: 3/22/05 at 4:54pmTotally. I'd love to tie her up, strip her down, and...exfoliate her.
Suzanne: I never use catalogs. I'd rather go in the store and see all the salespeople groveling and sucking up to you.
Julia: Pardon me, I never knew they were so solicitous at the K-Mart.
#12re: I Owe My Mother
Posted: 3/22/05 at 4:56pmActually LF looks fine. Now, that Spears chick could probably use a sound dermabrasion.
Hamlet's father.
#14re: I Owe My Mother
Posted: 3/22/05 at 5:06pmI'll leave that last line alone, because I'm a committed man.
Hamlet's father.
#15re: I Owe My Mother
Posted: 3/23/05 at 8:29amhow old is little fish?
Attend the tale of Bovine Boy
His party threads we all enjoy
But does he have Mad Cow Disease?
He doesn't eat beef - but cows skating? - oh please!!!
With cocoa!?!
And lemonade!?!
The heifer-mad poster of Broadway
(World)
#16re: I Owe My Mother
Posted: 3/23/05 at 9:44am
She's 18, soon to be 19. It's ok...lust away, Breeder Boys 
Suzanne: I never use catalogs. I'd rather go in the store and see all the salespeople groveling and sucking up to you.
Julia: Pardon me, I never knew they were so solicitous at the K-Mart.
#17re: I Owe My Mother
Posted: 3/23/05 at 9:54amI don't owe anyones Mother, but I do owe someones Father for making me who I am today.
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
#19re: I Owe My Mother
Posted: 3/23/05 at 9:56amIt's in the mail Doxy.
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
#21re: I Owe My Mother
Posted: 3/23/05 at 10:00amBecause a flight there would cost too much???
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
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