Just a little humor

[South Fl Marc]

Posted: 12/19/05 at 7:11pm

Recently Discovered Church Bulletin BLUNDERS.......





========



The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.



----------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."



----------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.



----------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.



----------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.



----------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.



----------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.



----------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.



----------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."



----------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.



----------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.



----------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.



-----------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.



----------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.



----------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.



----------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.



-------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.



----------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.



----------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.



----------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.



----------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.



----------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.



----------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.



----------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.



----------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"

[Georgeanne]

Posted: 12/19/05 at 7:21pm

I have a book with all of those jokes in it, though they are quite funny!

Thanks for sharing.

[MissMonika]

Posted: 12/19/05 at 7:27pm

that's hilarious!! gotta share this with my friends