MOTHER LEARNS LATE IN LIFE TO ACCEPT GAY SON AS HE IS

[romantico]

Posted: 7/16/07 at 10:54am

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I raised our two sons and two daughters. One son and both daughters married well. Our other son, "Neil," is gay. He and his partner, "Ron," have been together 15 years, but Neil's father and I never wanted to know Ron because we disapproved of their lifestyle.

When I was 74, my husband died, leaving me in ill health and nearly penniless. No longer able to live alone, I asked my married son and two daughters if I could "visit" each of them for four months a year. (I didn't want to burden any one family, and thought living out of a suitcase would be best for everyone.) All three turned me down. Feeling unwanted, I wanted to die.

When Neil and Ron heard what had happened, they invited me to move across country and live with them. They welcomed me into their home, and even removed a wall between two rooms so I'd have a bedroom with a private bath and sitting room -- although we spend most of our time together.

They also include me in many of their plans. Since I moved in with them, I have traveled more than I have my whole life and seen places I only read about in books. They never mention the fact that they are supporting me, or that I ignored them in the past.

When old friends ask how it feels living with my gay son, I tell them I hope they're lucky enough to have one who will take them in one day. Please continue urging your readers to accept their children as they are. My only regret is that I wasted 15 years. -- GRATEFUL MOM


A beautiful story of both love and forgiveness
and those other children should be totally ashamed of themselves.


http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/

[jimnysf]

Posted: 7/16/07 at 10:57am

That is a nice story. I wonder if she is ashamed of herself for not accepting him earlier?

[romantico]

Posted: 7/16/07 at 11:01am

I'm sure she is. She is more than likely feeling guilt. She went to the gay son only after her other three "Normal" children refused her. If they had not she would not have seen the error of her ways. Still, I think her other 3 children suck!

[madbrian]

Posted: 7/16/07 at 11:04am

The way the story is worded, it seems that she never did ask to move in with her gay son. It says that when the son heard about her dilemma, he and his partner invited her.

[mominator]

Posted: 7/16/07 at 11:26am

It is also a wonderful statement that Neil was able to forgive her for the 15 years she would not accept his partner. All in all sounds like she has one amazing son and 3 really ungrateful brat kids!

[Magdalene]

Posted: 7/16/07 at 11:52am

I read this Dear Abby a couple of days ago, and thought many nice things about the son who took her in---very Biblical, in some ways...

[Roscoe]

Posted: 7/16/07 at 2:56pm

So it isn't really clear, does Mommy accept her gay son and his partner, wholeheartedly the way she should have all those years ago? Or is she just keeping her mouth shut while Neil and Ron put a roof over her head? She doesn't exactly offer a ringing endorsement of her son's lifestyle, or even say that she was wrong for having ignored them for so many years.

[orangeskittles]

Posted: 7/16/07 at 3:24pm

I think the fact that she wrote in to Dear Abby to admit to her mistakes suggests she feels guilty about rejecting him before. She said she regrets wasting 15 years; I think that's definitely an indication that she feels she was previously in the wrong.

[Caroline-Q-or-TBoo]

Posted: 7/16/07 at 3:55pm

what did Abby say in response?

[Weez]

Posted: 7/16/07 at 4:00pm

"DEAR GRATEFUL MOM: You are indeed fortunate to have such a loving, generous and forgiving son. Sexual orientation is not a measure of anyone's humanity or worth. Thank you for pointing out how important it is that people respect each other for who they are, not for what we would like them to be.

You could have learned that lesson long ago, had you and your husband contacted Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) when you first learned that Neil was gay. Among other things, the organization offers support groups and education for parents who need to learn more about gender issues. (The address is 1726 M St. N.W., Suite 400, Washington, D.C. 20036.)"

Said Abby.

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20070713

[uncageg]

Posted: 7/16/07 at 4:02pm

Abby's response can be found here right after the letter to her:

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20070713