More than friends?

[GirlforTartaglia]

Posted: 8/20/06 at 8:15pm

I have a really good guy friend. We've been friends for about 7 years, been through ups and downs and whatnot. Now, how can you tell the difference between a guy friend acting just more comfortably friendly around you and flirting? How can you tell if he wants to be more than just friends when you have a steady friend relationship? I'm definatley willing to take the friendship to the next level, but I know of the "risk" because if it didn't work out it could mean losing a friend..but honestly I know myself and if it didn't work out, I at least would give 100% to maintain and reestablish a friendship.
But to circle up, how can you tell if he's just acting extra friendly or flirting?
Opinions?
Oh, yeah I'm a girl and we're both 17.
I always feel weird asking this stuff on messageboards lol.

[Type_A_Tiff]

Posted: 8/20/06 at 8:19pm

Not to sound cynical but DON'T DO IT! I've been in your position before in my last year of high school/first year of college. Hooked up with my guy best friend and we had an intense romance that ended badly. And as much as we'd vowed that we would stay friends no matter what, the fact is nothing will be the same again.

Can you imagine yourself being best friends with this guy forever? Now, can you imagine marrying him? No? If not, then inevitably there will be a break-up and that's a friendship lost.

Don't do it! Friendship's more important!

[SweetQintheLights]

Posted: 8/20/06 at 8:20pm

*Whistles a happy tune*

[GirlforTartaglia]

Posted: 8/20/06 at 9:00pm

SweetQ - ha, you're my motivation

[SweetQintheLights]

Posted: 8/20/06 at 9:05pm

I know it!

*continues whistling until GirlforTartaglia get the message*

[iHeartMyGeek]

Posted: 8/20/06 at 9:14pm

Let me put it this way--the guy I so publicly talked about breaking up with? We were friends for two years before we started dating. And it definitely won't be that way again.

But that doesn't take away from the fact that, at first, it worked really fantastically and for a long time it was great. But chances are, even if you don't regret it a year down the line, you will further along. So if you're looking at the short run, go for it. If not...then just stay friends.

[SweetQintheLights]

Posted: 8/20/06 at 9:16pm

*clears throat and moves along on merry way...*

[CJR]

Posted: 8/20/06 at 9:23pm

Relationships sparked from friendship don't always end badly, but more often than not, they do.

I had this great, great friend. We shared an intense attraction.... finally we went out. Dated on and off for a while..... (im talking years here) and finally ended it.

We're still friends, and we try really hard -- we really do -- but it's not the same as before we acted on our emotions/attraction. It never will be the same, sadly.

I can't tell you what to do hon. Just do what feels right and follow your heart -- that's all you can do.

[broadwayguy2]

Posted: 8/21/06 at 12:08am

Entirely too complicated and heartbreaking and after trying to make things work out, even as friends, everything was for moot and i was left totally in the cold. Never did anything against said man, but he questioned my motivations for anything and everything I did. I tried to get over my feelinga nd tried to avoid talkinga bout it with him, yet nothing I EVER did was good enough... I ended being told to go to hell and stay out of his life, then I heard from him again and did my best to stay passive and not get my hopes up and thought that maybe he wanted to remain friends and all... next thing I knew, I recieved one phone call from him. No arguement involved or anytthing.. the call ended nicely with a promise to call me later that day. he never did. The only interaction after that was my being deleted from his online profiles a week later.

I havent handled it well and I have been a wreck. Now, I am fairly certain I will be walking around like a scared puppy waiting to run into him and i don't know how I am going to react. will i handle it well? will i be a mess? angry? hurt? upset? I don't know.. and i am afraid to find out..

I don't know.

It hurts. That's all I can say. It hurts like a death... you lose not only someone you had feelings for, but someone you knew/thought to be a close friend and that you spent more time with than anyone else.. and now you won't have that.. and didn't get a chance to say goodbye or anything.... it hurts a LOT worse than a simple breakup or something.

will i get over it? eventually. will ever be able to look at his picture and not feel hurt,/etrayed.. I hope. will i forgive him? even for my own peace? i can't say.

[DG]

Posted: 8/21/06 at 1:11am

Ah, go ahead and sleep with him. Tomorrow he might get hit by a bus, so at least you'll have dirty sheets to remember him by.

Set your priorities. If it didn't lead to that intimate place to begin with, then it wasn't meant to.

And using SweetQ as a guide is . . . dubious, at best.

[broadwayguy2]

Posted: 8/21/06 at 1:37am

*devious grin* hit by a bus.. didn't think of that one.. seems like a freak accident.... or is it?

[C is for Company]

Posted: 8/21/06 at 2:32am

A divine friendship is something far more rarer than a good romance. Stick with the luck you have in having a good friend instead of toying with things that could eventually mess it up.

[KelRel]

Posted: 8/21/06 at 8:40am

I am initially all for telling you to take the risk. I did and I have a wonderful, amazing, loving, husband to show for it, BUT....


You are 17, you will probably be starting college soon and you do not want to limit yourself in college, go through the hell of a long distance relationship if he doesn't go to school with you, and most importantly you don't want to lose a friend. My husband and I started dating after I got to college even though I had feelings for him and he for me for quite some time before we acted on them. It was risky, a bit scary, but in the end worth it. I am glad we waited until after I had gotten oout of high school and in to college first though.

Good luck and best wishes, but be careful. As many have said a great friendship is better than a failed attempt at romance.

[JerseyGirl2]

Posted: 8/21/06 at 9:50am

I fell deeply in love with my best friend. We were in a romantic relationship for three years. (The situation was a bit more complicated than yours.) We both knew that in order to stay in each other's lives the romantic aspect would have to stop. We are now best friends again. The problem now is that she is married to a wonderful man and I am single. The intense friendship that we had has slacked off a little just because of life. I guess I am a little jealous of the life that she has and at times I really miss the closeness that we used to have. It ends up making me feel needy. I hate that. My point is, even though there is nothing better than being in love with your closest friend, it rarely works out and the friendship really suffers. Though I treasure those years we had together, I know we would just be better off if we had never gone there.

[bwaysinger]

Posted: 8/21/06 at 10:12am

The old me would have said no no no.
The "new" me tells you that you have to go by what you're feeling. If you don't act upon these feelings (assuming he feels the same), these feelings might just stay and grow and create problems of their own.
Also, if you find out he's NOT interested in you, how do you know you'll be able to scale back those feelings to the "just friends" stage?
I say talk to him. Find out where he is. IF you're both on the same page, you should do it.