The Celebration of Women Thread

[ckeaton]

Posted: 12/13/04 at 2:00pm

I love women. Seriously. If I could spend my life surrounded by beautiful women, (Edit for cynics: all women are beautiful, take "beautiful" as a synonym with "wonderful") I would.

Here is an excerpt from "Understanding Women":

If you Kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you do not, you are not a man.

If you Praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you do not, you are good for nothing.

If you are jealous, she says it is bad
If you are not jealous, she thinks you do not love her.

If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks it is just one of mans tactics.

If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared at by others, she say that they are just admiring.

If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk.

So confusing, yet so desirable

Yay! Women!!

Updated On: 12/13/04 at 02:00 PM

[NYadgal]

Posted: 12/13/04 at 2:04pm

Edited because ckeaton writes so beautifully that I decided not to mess with his thread

Updated On: 12/13/04 at 02:04 PM

[ckeaton]

Posted: 12/13/04 at 2:07pm

I can think of at least 10-12 things there that don't apply to me!
But aren't women great? Sexy and beautiful creatures.

[NYadgal]

Posted: 12/13/04 at 2:15pm

Then, let me add this:

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

A Woman's Vocabulary, Keywords and Meanings (as taken from an interview with a woman)

FINE
This is the word we use at the end of any argument in which we feel we are right, but need to shut you up. NEVER use 'Fine' to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an even trade.

NOTHING
This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing"
usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".

GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

OH
This word followed by any statement is trouble.
Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night". If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. "Oh" as the lead-in to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows and a "Go ahead," followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a
woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before visiting on you major retribution and tribulations for what ever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is
giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's
Okay".

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT
This is much different than "Thanks". A woman will
say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing".

Updated On: 12/13/04 at 02:15 PM

[ckeaton]

Posted: 12/13/04 at 2:16pm

Come on people! Even gay men love women. We should all have this common ground.

[NYadgal]

Posted: 12/13/04 at 2:18pm

*soft sigh*

[Unknown User]

Posted: 12/13/04 at 2:19pm

I happen to think that women are the reason and the point.

[Plum]

Posted: 12/13/04 at 2:24pm

Why do I keep hearing Carl-Magnus in my head?

[redhotinnyc2]

Posted: 12/13/04 at 2:34pm

Pretty women . . .
Fascinating. ..
Sipping coffee,
Dancing.. .
Pretty women
Are a wonder.
Pretty women.
Sitting in the window or
Standing on the stair,
Something in them
Cheers the air.
Pretty women . . .

Silhouetted...

Stay within you...

Glancing...

Stay forever .. .

Breathing lightly . . .

Pretty women ...

Pretty women!
Blowing out their candles or
Combing out their hair ...

Then they leave ...
Even when they leave you
And vanish, they somehow
Can still remain
There with you,
There with you.

Ah,
Pretty women ...

At their mirrors . ..

In their gardens . . .

Letter-writing . . .

Flower-picking . . .

Weather-watching. . .

How they make a man sing!

Even when they leave,
They still
Are
There.
They're there.
Proof of heaven
As you're living —
Pretty women, sir!

Pretty women, here's to
Pretty women, all the
Pretty women ...
Pretty women, yes!
Pretty women, sir!
Pretty women!
Pretty women, sir!

[ckeaton]

Posted: 12/13/04 at 2:44pm

Bravo! Bravo to the posters... and bravo to womankind.

[NYadgal]

Posted: 12/13/04 at 3:01pm

Brava to women...

[kissmycookie]

Posted: 12/13/04 at 3:07pm

standing ovation

[ckeaton]

Posted: 12/13/04 at 3:08pm

*wink* You said it.

[NYadgal]

Posted: 12/13/04 at 3:10pm

*wink* you made me giggle...

[ckeaton]

Posted: 12/13/04 at 3:13pm

Giggling is good for the soul.
:)

Cheers to mothers, friends, wives, girlfriends, aunts, grandmas, and that really nice lady from your neighborhood where you grew up.

A toast to those lovely ladies, and more.

[laactress]

Posted: 12/13/04 at 3:14pm

Addy: You are so right on that whole post you did and the meanings of things. I was reading it going OMG it's SO true :)

[Millie42]

Posted: 12/13/04 at 4:44pm

Addy, that was wonderful.... and so very very true.

[NYadgal]

Posted: 12/13/04 at 5:14pm

This, from Mary Poppins, seems appropriate:

We're clearly soldiers in petticoats
And dauntless crusaders for woman's votes
Though we adore men individually
We agree that as a group they're rather stupid!

Cast off the shackles of yesterday!
Shoulder to shoulder into the fray!
Our daughters' daughters will adore us
And they'll sign in grateful chorus
"Well done, Sister Suffragette!"

From Kensington to Billingsgate
One hears the restless cries!
From ev'ry corner of the land:
"Womankind, arise!"
Political equality and equal rights with men!
Take heart! For Missus Pankhurst has been clapped in irons again!

No more the meek and mild subservients we!
We're fighting for our rights, militantly!
Never you fear!

So, cast off the shackles of yesterday!
Shoulder to shoulder into the fray!
Our daughters' daughters will adore us
And they'll sign in grateful chorus
"Well done! Well done!
Well done Sister Suffragette!"

[laactress]

Posted: 12/13/04 at 5:39pm

YAY for Addy, she makes me smile more and more every day!

[camerangel]

Posted: 12/13/04 at 5:44pm

ok am I the only that is not smiling at this thread?


Probably..

**shrugs and leaves**

[NYadgal]

Posted: 12/13/04 at 6:23pm

Oh, but I do want to add one post-script.

I do NOT agree with the following line from the above-referenced song:

Though we adore men individually
We agree that as a group they're rather stupid!


I, for one, adore them individually AND as a group. Stupid is not in my vocabulary!