What do I do?

[Perfectly Marvelous]

Posted: 9/17/09 at 4:46am

I'm not usually one to ask for advice, but this is bothering me.

About two or three weeks ago, I declared Bahai along with one of my friends. We were both pretty excited and started to attend prayer devotionals in a town that's about an hour away.

Here's the thing: I love going to devotionals and I love being around people who have positive energy. However, my friend is intent on bringing along her boyfriend who clearly has no interest (or if he does it's very small) in the Bahai faith. They fight or are in some disagreement at least 90% of the time - by this I mean they will argue over the most trivial things on the way to and from devotional. Sometimes they go as far as to talk while we're trying to focus and pray.

Yesterday when we went, they started to argue once again. It's really stressing me because I deal with enough stress at work and for me, devotional time (and time going to and from it) should be happy and joyous. Anyway, they wanted to get a bite to eat and stopped at a rest area. He was giving her a hard time about parking. She was able to find a spot right away, and I said "No need to get upset, guys!" in a non threatening tone. He turned and snaps at me, "Don't even get started with me." I got upset but instead of chewing him out for being a dick, I politely and sternly said "THAT was unnecessary. I do not appreciate being snapped at by someone I barely know." (I never got an apology. Or even "I didn't mean to snap at you.")

My other friend (who also goes to devotional) and I both agree he's some kind of test from God to see how far our patience can be stretched. But truthfully I'm tired of being in the car with them. I'm tired of coming back from devotional and feeling like all the joy I felt there has been sucked away. And I'm really tired of his attitude. Last night, they blared the radio in the car and my friend and myself asked two or so times if they could lower it. He turned it down briefly and then turned it back up again. I felt he did that on purpose.

Part of becoming Bahai is to be patient and not to back bite but he is the most vexing, borish and truly annoying person I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. He never gives off a positive vibe and if he does, it's only at devotional just long enough so he's tolerable. But otherwise he creates what I believe is to be a negative energy. It doesn't help that she's kind of annoying herself, but that's a different story.

So what should I do? Should I tell her politely that her boyfriend is a major thorn in my side? Should I give up devotional or find a way to get there without having to deal with them? Or should I pull him aside and tell him to knock it off...but I doubt he'd get it, as there's something mentally wrong with him. Seriously, there is. I don't know what exactly but there's some kind of communication gap.

Updated On: 9/17/09 at 04:46 AM

[StockardFan]

Posted: 9/17/09 at 6:57am

Are they the only way you have to get there? He sounds like a major downer. If you can find another way to get there, I'd go that route first.

[Jane2]

Posted: 9/17/09 at 9:33am

Basically - we can't change other people. All we can do is change the way we react to them. I don't think speaking to him will help. In fact, it may exacerbate the situation.

You'll have to be the one to change the way you deal with this - is there any other way you can go to devotional? (as Stockard asked). It sounds like you'll be a lot happier no matter what method you take to get there and back.

[doodlenyc]

Posted: 9/17/09 at 9:51am

Understanding what devotional means to you, it seems that getting there with these two is negating what it does for you. I agree that, if you are intent on going to this particular devotional, you need to find another way to get there, for your own good.

Take care of yourself, then deal with your friend. If this is a good friend, I'd tell her what you think of him. She may not want to hear it, but it may be what she needs to hear. Only persue this if you are ready to lose her for even a little while, but hope that she will see the other side and maybe even dump the jerk.

[Perfectly Marvelous]

Posted: 9/17/09 at 11:40am

Thanks, guys. I know in the end it's going to be my call...but I do appreciate the input. My friend is a bit sensitive so I don't want to hurt her indefinitely. But he is undoubtedly a jerk who is loudmouthed and rude.

However, last night, one of the girls did mention that she would prefer no side conversations during devotional and I was happy (because that's another thing they do - talk during prayer time).

[StockardFan]

Posted: 9/17/09 at 11:52am

Why does he even go?

[Perfectly Marvelous]

Posted: 9/17/09 at 11:59am

She (my friend) drags him along. I think it's partly because she just needs him to be around all the time (which makes me wonder if she's ever heard of "absence makes the heart grow fonder").

But it's so clear to me that there's some kind of underlying unhappiness between them.

[StockardFan]

Posted: 9/17/09 at 12:43pm

It just seems like neither one of them benefits by going, so I don't understand why they waste their time.

Good luck finding another way to get there!

[TheatreDiva90016]

Posted: 9/17/09 at 3:34pm

Slap him.


Slap him REALLY hard.


Wanna borrow my tazer?

[Unknown User]

Posted: 9/17/09 at 6:19pm

Now that you've said "Bahai" you need to tell this moron "Ba-bye!"