for the actors out here: agent cover letter :)

[newyorkuniq]

Posted: 4/15/05 at 1:04am

Since some people don't get it :disclaimer: this is not supposed to be taken seriously...oy vei...

Dear New York City Agent,

Let’s cut to the chase. I want to be signed and I want to be signed now. I don’t believe in bull****ting; if you notice that’s why I don’t even have your name up top. I say “Dear Agent,” cause you know as well as I do that you are just one of HUNDREDS that I’m mailing to. So why should I pretend that I’m specifically interested in meeting YOU, that I’m only mailing to YOU? Let’s get real, I don’t even KNOW you. But if you MUST, if you have a NEED to feel special, I suppose I could click on my mail merge feature and you will get a letter specifically addressed to you.

Now, let’s cut to the chase. Take a good long look at your roster of clients. Let’s face it, half of them haven’t done squat for you in ages. You haven’t even set up auditions for most of them because you know they won’t book anyway. You’ve only been focused on the same few clients—and even THEY are under-performing. You sound like you need a CHANGE. That’s where I come in.

You call. I come in and SIGN. Don’t give me this general interview bull****t, either. Don’t try and “freelance” with me or try me out by sending me on one cattle call audition and then ignore me for six months in the hope that I just get the hint. NO. I want to be SIGNED and I want to be signed NOW.

And I want you to submit me for EVERYTHING. That’s right--EVERY F*CKING Law and Order and EVERY other prime time and daytime show in New York! If I find out about ONE Law and Order that you didn’t submit me for, I VOID our contract. Understand? VOID.

I expect to work hard and be professional, personable and prepared for all my auditions. But I expect YOU to get off your arrogant, never answer my mailings before asss and SET THESE AUDITIONS up.

I’m not getting any younger. We have to act and we have to act NOW .



Updated On: 4/15/05 at 01:04 AM

[Thenardier]

Posted: 4/15/05 at 1:08am

Where'd you get ahold of this mass-mailing I sent out? HUH?

How else do you think I got acting roles? Hmmm? Talent?

[etoile]

Posted: 4/15/05 at 3:37am

Well that would certainly win me over. I especially liked the vulgarities. Always a winning strategy in the job market.

And this is too precious, "cause you know as well as I do that you are just one of HUNDREDS......So why should I pretend that I’m specifically interested in meeting YOU."
Anyone else see the irony?

[bwaysinger]

Posted: 4/15/05 at 6:54am

Hehe. Etoile, I think that's part of the humor of the letter. If you only saw what agents write to actors...and do.
This doesn't even come close to comparing.

[SueleenGay]

Posted: 4/15/05 at 9:42am

Rene, I took the liberty of sending your epistle to all of the casting people in New York that I know. I hope you don't mind, but I signed your real name. I don't know ALL of them, but after many years in the Biz I do have quite a few contacts. I hope it helps. No need to thank me for the amount I saved you on postage. Seeing you on Law and Order will be reward enough! I am sure you will be hearing from many of them real soon. Best of luck, Sweetie!

Sueleen

[newyorkuniq]

Posted: 4/15/05 at 12:44pm

Yeah.... I didn't write this. It is from a mass e mail I got and is a JOKE. Oh and Sueleen since you don't even know how to spell my real name I'm really not to worried about your threats.
Updated On: 4/15/05 at 12:44 PM