Worst Auditions EVER

[roquat]

Posted: 10/27/06 at 11:49pm

I know most people here have probably seen some lulus. My favorites--

A 65-year old man performing the balcony scene from "Romeo and Juliet"--reading both parts.

A 16-year old blonde white girl reading not one, but two monologues from "For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide..." complete with Afro-American intonation (the second coming of Al Jolson?)

In the year after "subUrbia" first came out--seeing THREE actors perform the same "go naked in the world" soliloquy from it in the same hour--and actually tear off all their clothes (down to boxers or briefs) only to have to gather them up and limp awkwardly off the stage.

A 15-year old boy performing one of Prior's speeches from "Angels in America" while curling his arms awkwardly and sidling slowly off his chair as if doing an interpretive dance.

An 18-year old girl squatting on the floor to do Juliet's "Gallop apace" speech and actually reaching for her private parts as she said "I am sold, but not yet enjoyed." (Repeat, I know, but it's my favorite.)

There are risks and there are risks. Know which ones to take.

[husk_charmer]

Posted: 10/27/06 at 11:51pm

I dunno...how about the time I actually watched someone admit to not knowing their monologue, butchering their way through "Music of the Night" and THEN still getting cast?

[munkustrap178]

Posted: 10/27/06 at 11:57pm

I have played the piano for quite a few auditions both in NYC and out. I can't think of anything that bad off the top of my head.

A personal favorite was this girl who walked in (who had been playing Christina Daae in Vienna) and handed me the sheet music from "Think of Me" with the German lyrics. The only problem was, the notes were so small and the copy so bad that they just looked like a big black line. I told her I couldn't make out a single note on the page. She goes "Oh, that's fine. It starts on this note. And then she held out a long, quivering, semi-note note. I simply said "You literally just sang four notes. I'm just going to play whatever." The director started cracking up, and I just played the song by ear. Let's just say she did NOT get cast.

[FosseBoi]

Posted: 10/28/06 at 12:06am

I was at an audition where a girl sang "Its Raining Men". I. am. not. kidding. lol! To make it better, the audition was for a production of Carousel!lol!

[roquat]

Posted: 10/28/06 at 12:31am

The guy who did the "Romeo and Juliet" scene got cast too--it was for a production of "The Fantasticks", and he was the only person who auditioned who was even close to the appropriate age for the Old Actor. When I heard that, I quit the gig.

Along the same lines, one I forgot--a 66-year-old woman auditioning for Mrs. Higgins in "My Fair Lady" who, when given the Ascot scene to read, read ALL THE PARTS IN DIFFERENT VOICES--AND THEY ACTUALLY LET HER! THEN THEY ASKED HER TO DANCE (for the waltz scene.) She did a few one-two-three steps, then twirled across the stage, PLUCKED ME OFF THE PIANO BENCH AND FORCED ME TO DANCE WITH HER!!! I didn't know if I was going to get out of that room alive.

One more--a woman who, when asked for a monologue, whipped out a letter she had written to her husband who was stationed overseas (it was during the First Gulf War). Not really an entertaining bad audition, just awkward and uncomfortable and slightly pornographic, listening to personal things we had no business knowing.