Advice needed

[Elphaba]

Posted: 4/21/05 at 1:48am

I found out today that my Uncle passed away Monday night. he was my fathers half brother, and they were not close, although in the past maybe 7 years they had started to communicate a couple times a year.
My mother said they are not going to the funeral back East which I find insensitive.
My sister has met our cousin once as she lives in Malibu, and we were thinking one of us should attend the funeral.
This will probably piss off our father to no end, so.....does one of us go (which I think is the right thing) or do we keep the peace in our own family, and just send flowers?
My father and I have only had a decent relationship in the past maybe 5 years......so I'm not sure I want to possibly cause a problem as he is 81 and who knows what time we have left.
Any suggestions?

Updated On: 4/21/05 at 01:48 AM

[Falsettoland]

Posted: 4/21/05 at 2:08am

IMHO...
Your family is your choice. He may not have been close to your father but your relationship with him is independent of that. You have a right to grieve as you see fit. If you have the desire to attend the funeral, you should do so.

[Type_A_Tiff]

Posted: 4/21/05 at 2:24am

I think I'm kind of confused. If your father started to talk to your late uncle a couple times a year, why would he be pissed that you're going to the funeral?

[Elphaba]

Posted: 4/21/05 at 9:32am

because Tiff, he and my mother are not flying back to the funeral.

And knowing my father, if my sister and/or I DO fly back, in his mind it'll make him look bad.....for not going

[mabel]

Posted: 4/21/05 at 9:41am

I don't know how spry he is, but wouldn't the fact that he's 81 be a justifiable excuse for him not to make a trek across the country? Maybe you could approach him like that, ask him if he'd want you and your sister to go in his place? That way you'll feel you've done your part to make an appearance for your family, your father can feel like he's being represented there in some way w/o having to actually go, etc.

I don't know all of the details...just a thought. Good luck though.

[Elphaba]

Posted: 4/21/05 at 10:03am

mabel, that's a great idea........I'll try that. (he's pretty spry, but it may work)

S

[CostumeMistress]

Posted: 4/21/05 at 11:42am

Even if you simply told the family when you went that you were representing your branch of the family tree and brought some small flowers in his name, then that would remove any talking about why he wasn't there.