Andrea Yate's husband Rusty---this made me so angry

[beacon1]

Posted: 3/20/06 at 12:52pm

From an article about Andrea's upcoming retrail for murdering her children:

"Yates' former husband, Rusty Yates, divorced her in March 2005, three years after she was sentenced to life in prison in the deaths of the five children.

Rusty Yates married Laura Arnold, 41, during a private ceremony Saturday at the church where they met.

The church minister said Yates chose to move on with his life while resisting temptation to pity himself."

This is the man who would not get her the help she needed and kept after her to have more children even though she was obviously falling apart. And he doesn't want to pity himself...

[mominator]

Posted: 3/20/06 at 12:54pm

***hugs beacon!***

[PalJoey]

Posted: 3/20/06 at 1:03pm

That's just not true, Beacon. It's a MUCH more complicated story than that.

If anything, the blame should be put on two parties: (1) the Yates' relgious leader--HE was the one who counseled them to have more children--and (2) the Texas medical establishment, which misprescribed antidepressants when antipsychotics were needed. We now know that antidepressants can make a psychotic patient MORE able to inflict violence on him/herself or others.

But no one knew what to do about Andrea. To blame it all on Rusty is unfair and inaccurate and ultimately does a disservice to the memories of Noah, John, Paul, Luke and Mary Yates. Their mother's illness was something their father couldn't cure.

The book below is the definitive account of this sad, sad case.
Are You There Alone? : The Unspeakable Crime of Andrea Yates

[Rose_MacShane]

Posted: 3/20/06 at 1:05pm

I have that book. It's excellent.

[SonofMammaMiaSam]

Posted: 3/20/06 at 1:06pm

I also read this past week that he visits her once a week still.

[iflitifloat]

Posted: 3/20/06 at 1:13pm

I agree with PJ. What happened had many, many causes. A lesser man would have totally deserted Andrea. I'm not sure that I think both of them have to pay for the tragedy for the rest of their lives.

[beacon1]

Posted: 3/20/06 at 1:45pm

Good points but I contend that receiving COUNSEL to do something doesn't mean you MUST. Rusty must have seen what was happening and though he could not cure her...didn't he worry about her?

I think it was the Church leader's quote about "pitying himself" that threw me.

I feel for both Andrea and Rusty...but she didn't live in that home ALONE with those kids. He was there, too. And the kids counted on HIM to be a conscientious, responsible adult who would ensure their safety. And, I remember statements that her family made that they had discussed her mental health with Rusty who didn't seem to think it was something of great concern.

It is amazing what coping mechanisms we have to deal with difficult situations. I had experience with a severely depressed friend who had just found out she was pregnant with her 6th child. The woman was barely functioning. We stopped by to see her in the middle of the day to find her sprawled on the couch, barely able to have a conversation as her older children tended the younger ones. Once her husband left for work she fell onto the counch and didn't get up until it was time to start dinner. When he arrived she was upright and moving around. Then she would go straight to bed.

We tried talking to him about it and it came down to "I can't work at my job and worry about her. I put it out of my mind when I leave. I'm sure everything will be fine."

Finally we visited at one point where the children's distress at their mother's condition was extremely pronounced and she was hardly responding. We stepped in to help (one of us was an RN who was a great resource) and that night the bishop of our ward (congregation) was there to meet the dad when he got home from work. He gave the bishop the "I can't afford to worry during the day" speech...and the good bishop apparently gave him some very kind but very straight man-to-man counsel.

My friend was immediately hospitalized and received appropriate treatment. Daycare was arranged for the children, we cleaned the house, froze meals and we helped the family through this tough period. Her husband was quite a changed man after he saw that everyone else was right that it was a BIG DEAL.

And,that was the last baby for that couple...

[PalJoey]

Posted: 3/20/06 at 2:12pm

"Rusty must have seen what was happening and though he could not cure her...didn't he worry about her?"

Yes, Beacon. If you read the book, you would see that two years before the murders, Rusty was relieved when Andrea was put on a drug combination of Haldol Decoanate, Effexor and Wellbutrin. He felt he had his wife back.

Risperdal and Zyprexa had seemed not to work for her at all. But Andrea HATED being on any drugs. She hated the side-effects--tremors, twitching, stiff limbs, blurry vision and a "maslike" face--and she hated feeling "weak." She would take half-doses or skip them altogether. Was it Rusty's responsibility to make sure she took her meds. Perhaps. Could you or I have done it better? Perhaps.

Andrea had two children before her first miscarriage. Then two more children before her first suicide attempt--all encouraged by their religious leader. A hospitalization followed, then another suicide attempt and another hospitalization. Can you imagine what it must be like to live with someone so sick? I cannot. I imagine that you keep thinking "She's getting better. Isn't she? I think she's getting better."

Imagine what it's like to get conflicting advice from every doctor and psychiatrist assigned to the case. Rusty was constantly involved in trying to get his wife treatment.

And then Andrea decided to go off drugs completely--and to have a fifth child and to home-school the children! Should Rusty have said no. Absolutely. Could you have said no? They were not the first couple to think a child would make everything better.

You ask "Didn't Rusty worry about her?" I think he did almost nothing else for many years.

Updated On: 3/20/06 at 02:12 PM

[beacon1]

Posted: 3/20/06 at 2:38pm

I just keep remembering an interview with him right after the verdict was given and he was standing talking with reporters.

They asked him what he was going to do and he said he'd been thinking about his options and decided he would probably seek a divorce and get married again so he wouldn't have tbe alone. That it would be hard to go through life without a spouse.

I wondered how Andrea would take that news.

[iflitifloat]

Posted: 3/20/06 at 2:51pm

I doubt that the end of her marriage matters all that much to Andrea. At the point when she realizes what happened and what she did, any chance of a normal life or a normal relationship are over for her. I can't seem to view this case as anything but tragic. I pity both of them.

[Dollypop]

Posted: 3/20/06 at 4:47pm

From the very beginning, I felt there was something peculiar about Rusty Yates. I still can't put my finger on it. I think that basically I found him to be a "plastic person"--insincere and artificial. I got all this while watching the footage of him checking out the makeshift shrine that well-wishers had set up as a memorial to his children. I got the strange feeling that he really didn't care.

[Anakela]

Posted: 3/20/06 at 6:45pm

I doubt that the end of her marriage matters all that much to Andrea. At the point when she realizes what happened and what she did, any chance of a normal life or a normal relationship are over for her.

There was a similar case in my homestate of Hawaii many years ago- mother drowned her five kids, ranging in age from 8 months to 8 years. Rather than jail, though, she was sentenced to the State Hospital instead. Six months after she started treatment, she killed herself- theory being that she was responding to treatment, and realized what she'd done.
Not to be all morbid or whatever, but I sometimes wonder if Andrea could end up the same way- what will happen when she realizes what happened, has she realized what happened yet?

Hawaii case

[Dollypop]

Posted: 3/20/06 at 8:16pm

FlitFloat, let's get one thing straight, I DO hate children. I find no reason for them to exist. I became a teacher for two reasons: July and August.

Thank you very much.

Updated On: 3/20/06 at 08:16 PM

[Rose_MacShane]

Posted: 3/20/06 at 8:31pm

"Not to be all morbid or whatever, but I sometimes wonder if Andrea could end up the same way- what will happen when she realizes what happened, has she realized what happened yet?"

It's possible. But the question is, will she ever be that lucid? We already know she has a history of skipping her meds...
If I remember correctly, wasn't the old verdict overturned and she was placed, basically, in a mental hospital?

[iflitifloat]

Posted: 3/20/06 at 8:32pm

Actually, that was me giving you the benefit of the doubt with all evidence to the contrary.

How very sad. On several levels.