#1
Posted: 10/6/04 at 10:53pm
What's an awsome one-liner from any play, musical, TV Show, Commercial, book, or anything in today's culture? Go!
#2
Posted: 10/7/04 at 12:32am
"You can talk to birds?"- Little Red Ridinghood, Into the Woods.
#3
Posted: 10/7/04 at 12:38am
When Whoopi Goldberg hosted the Oscars the year Elizabeth was out, she did a stint in 'Queen Elizabeth drag.' After the commercial break, she hadn't had time to get all the make-up off, and walked back on stage still wiping it off. Her comment was:
"Who knew it would take so long to get a virgin off your face?"
"Who knew it would take so long to get a virgin off your face?"
#4
Posted: 10/7/04 at 12:43am
I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability~Oscar Wilde
"One no longer loves one's insight enough once one communicates it."
The opposite of creation isn't war, it's stagnation.
The opposite of creation isn't war, it's stagnation.
#5
Posted: 10/7/04 at 3:28am
"you can't talk to me like that you son of a bitch, I'm a Princess!" - Rodney Carrington
"Applause begets applause in the theatre, as laughter begets laughter and tears beget tears."
CLAYTON HAMILTON, "Theory of the Theatre"
"I think theater ought to be theatrical ... you know, shuffling the pack in different ways so that it's -- there's always some kind of ambush involved in the experience. You're being ambushed by an unexpected word, or by an elephant falling out of the cupboard, whatever it is."
TOM STOPPARD
#6
Posted: 10/7/04 at 10:31am
"I did not have sexual relations with that woman." - Bill Clinton.
I don't mean that as a political flame, I just KNOW it's repeated a lot.
I don't mean that as a political flame, I just KNOW it's repeated a lot.
#7
Posted: 10/7/04 at 10:33am
Another good one from Whoopi hosting the Oscars was right after Vanessa Williams sang "Colors of the Wind" (Pocahontas) Whoopi said "I wonder if my wind has color?" then looked over her shoulder towards her ass.
#8
Posted: 10/7/04 at 10:35am
I don't know if it can really qualify as a one liner, but:
"I never thought I'd say this, Elaine, but goodnight."
"I never thought I'd say this, Elaine, but goodnight."
Nothing precious, plain to see, don't make a fuss over me. Not loud, not soft, but somewhere inbetween. Say sorry, just let it be the word you mean.
#9
Posted: 10/7/04 at 10:38am
Ah, Whoopi. That woman just personifies class.
Have I ever shown you my Shattered Dreams box? It's in my Disappointment Closet. - Marge Simpson
#10
Posted: 10/7/04 at 10:42am
This is two-liner, but still pretty funny.
Rosie O'Donnel on the Tonys a few years back...
(paraphrased from memory)
"This year some of the musicals on Broadway are being sponsored by corporations. Hallmark is sponsoring The Sound of Music and Kotex is sponsoring Ragtime."
Rosie O'Donnel on the Tonys a few years back...
(paraphrased from memory)
"This year some of the musicals on Broadway are being sponsored by corporations. Hallmark is sponsoring The Sound of Music and Kotex is sponsoring Ragtime."
#11
Posted: 10/7/04 at 10:48am
another good one (I have a lot of these for some reason) comes from the Oscars a few years back.
The woman who won for best documentary short said "You know you've entered new territory when you realize you spent more on your dress than you did on your film."
The woman who won for best documentary short said "You know you've entered new territory when you realize you spent more on your dress than you did on your film."
#12
Posted: 10/7/04 at 11:01am
"We're so excited to be here. We feel just like the Bush twins at happy hour."
~ Nathan Lane, cohosting The Tony Awards 2001
~ Nathan Lane, cohosting The Tony Awards 2001
Neither a borrower nor a lender be...unless that's mine in the first place.
#13
Posted: 10/7/04 at 11:07am
that's a good one.
Arsenio Hall interviewing Maria Shriver (many years ago on his talk show)
"Was Arnold your first Republican?"
Arsenio Hall interviewing Maria Shriver (many years ago on his talk show)
"Was Arnold your first Republican?"
#14
Posted: 10/7/04 at 11:27am
"Well buy me a boa and send me to Reno, 'cause I am Open for Business!"
Kelly Bishop as Emily on The Gilmore Girls
Kelly Bishop as Emily on The Gilmore Girls
"I don't really get the ending,all i can go with is when after several months,Judith saw Pat sang,and later she kissed him on the toilet,after that the story back to where Pat went down from the stage after he'd sung,and he went to the italian lady.I just don't get it,what Judith exatcly meant when he kissed Pat that she had seen,and did Pat end up together with The Italian Lady?Please help me,thank u very much!"
Quote from someone on IMDB in reference to a movie he/she didn't understand. Such grammar!
#15
Posted: 10/7/04 at 11:39am
"I say just throw some cheese cubes in the coffin, put some toothpicks in her mouth and let them have at it"
--Emily Gilmore
--Emily Gilmore
#16
Posted: 10/7/04 at 11:41am
"who would have expected an old lady to ask for a hummer?"
--Ellen Degeneres
(or something like that)
--Ellen Degeneres
(or something like that)
#17
Posted: 10/7/04 at 11:45am
"I nearly shot when I saw it!" (Eddie Varley at the Unicorn)
#19
Posted: 10/7/04 at 1:54pm
When Zsa Zsa Gabor visited Johnny Carson one night, she brought her cat who quietly purred on her lap during the interview.
Zsa set up Johnny when she asked him if he would like to pet her ****. Johnny quipped, "Sure, move the cat."
Zsa set up Johnny when she asked him if he would like to pet her ****. Johnny quipped, "Sure, move the cat."
#20
Posted: 10/7/04 at 3:29pm
Oh, NO!
hahahahahahahahahaha
I can just PICTURE that! Johnny was so much better than Jay.
hahahahahahahahahaha
I can just PICTURE that! Johnny was so much better than Jay.
#21
Posted: 10/7/04 at 3:32pm
i think the difference between johnny and jay is that johnny never laughed at his own jokes, which made them even funnier...
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