Can the teenagers (and twentysomethings) please angst?- Page 55

[Delphine]

Posted: 10/23/04 at 6:35pm

Come here Tiff, cry on Auntie's shoulder. Don't listen to that dirty man.

Guido, you repulsive man-pig, keep your hands to yourself.

[Guido Contini]

Posted: 10/23/04 at 6:37pm

nuh uh, sugar...don't even go there.

[Type_A_Tiff]

Posted: 10/23/04 at 6:49pm

This is gonna be a lengthy message, because I need to rant about one recent guy in particular.

Okay, have you READ about my dating history? Oy. Lurid. Putrid. Recently it was a gangly tall guy with beer breath, his shorter heterosexual lifemate with no personality, a dope who smacked my hand away when I reached for his fries about 20 seconds before tossing them himself, and finally, this is the worse:

a paraplegic (not a diss against the disabled. It really was the least of his problems) who:

a) called me after he arrived at our date spot 40 minutes early and chastised me for not "hurrying up";
b) hollered at me at an art gallery;
c) told me he'd pay my $5 admission in return for me paying for his expensive, italian dinner;
d) laughed like a horse; e) guffawed so nasally that he BREATHED on my bare arm (and as a germaphobe, that's my hell);
e) interrupted the tour guide to add in pointless bits of information;
f) drudged up my personal history that I made clear was a taboo area;
g) said he found me very attractive, and in the next sentence said, "I normally don't go for girls who are superhotties or very good-looking, you know. I go for girls with a good personality and a good inner beauty." (which, according to my girlfriends, is the part where they would have dumped the drink on his head and stormed out);
h) lectured me on the evils of drinking (I was going to order a wine, which he disapproved of - I don't drink much, or for the sake of drinking, but he drove me to it) and said he disapproved of people who drank because it gave them a sense of self-validation;
i) AND THIS IS THE WORST - Okay, picture this: The bill for both of us (who ordered equal-costing items) came to about $22 after tax. We were going dutch (which is another huge turn-off, but anyway). Meaning at the very minimum, before tip, we should've been paying $11 each. Picture this. I put down $14. He said he only had large bills so he took my money and put down $23. Think about this. Minimum $11 each. I put down $14. He then covers the bill at $23. HE'S USED MY GODDAMN TIP MONEY TO COVER HIS OWN PORTION AND GAVE A $1 TIP ON A $22 MEAL!!!
j) The subsequent dialogue:
Me: Uh, I put down $14.
Him: Yeah. So?
Me: Well, you tipped $1. So...put down my tip money.
Him: No.
Me: (incredulous) Umm...what? There should be at least $3 of tip money there.
Him: Uh-huh.
Me: So give me back my tip money so I can put it down!
Him: No.
Me: (ripping him a new as$hole.)
Him: Well, if you're going to be so childish about it... (he tosses down the tip money.) Happy now?

At this point, I excuse myself to go to the bathroom so I can call a girlfriend and rant. I return and our formerly friendly waiter is now a total bitch queen, and our bill is gone. My date is waiting for me outside. The table behind me, who's heard this melodrama, goes: "When you left, I saw him taking back a few of the coins." The F*CKer has taken back the waiter's tip money.

It gets worse.

[Guido Contini]

Posted: 10/23/04 at 6:52pm

ya know...a bad date is still more dating than I've done in the past 15 months.

[Type_A_Tiff]

Posted: 10/23/04 at 6:54pm

Yes, but it's not necessarily better.

[Guido Contini]

Posted: 10/23/04 at 6:56pm

"less is more"?

perhaps in this case.

[Delphine]

Posted: 10/23/04 at 6:58pm

"he BREATHED on my bare arm" AHAHAHA! j/k

I'm sorry about your dates. Where do you meet these creepy men?

[Guido Contini]

Posted: 10/23/04 at 6:59pm

Canada....apparently all Canadian men are crap.

[Delphine]

Posted: 10/23/04 at 7:02pm

Ah, yes, it seems I had forgotten.

Tiff, you said it gets worse. Then what happened?

[Guido Contini]

Posted: 10/23/04 at 7:02pm

yeah, let's hear the rest.

[Type_A_Tiff]

Posted: 10/23/04 at 7:13pm

okay. just needed to take a breather. anyhoo...

so after this horrible bill fiasco (and i mean, really, he should've picked up the tab. anyhoo...), he actually wants to go for dessert, knowing that i'm raging pissed at him and in no mood to continue speaking, much less eating together. I tell him I need to get back home so I'd better head for the bus stop (and I hate public transit but I couldn't get the car. I HATE PUBLIC TRANSIT.). he says, oh, i can give you a ride home. I think, mmm...don't want to be alone with him, but I'm a ride-whore, so why not. I say okay, where's your car parked? He says, oh, at home. (Home is in another municipality about 45 minutes away.) so let's bus to his house so he can drive me to my house (which is another 45 minutes away). So he wants me to make a 45 minute trip home DOUBLE by backtracking to his place, then to my place. I roll my eyes, thinking he's kidding. He's not. so I sigh, say goodnight and start walking in the opposite direction, towards the bus stop. at this point, he PULLS MY ELBOW like a child and starts dragging me up Robson Street (which is a really highend part of Vancouver - it's like Rodeo Drive or 5th Avenue). And I'm like, jesus, for a disabled guy he's got some arms! But anyway...

...so I'm being dragged up Robson Street and I'm bitching and the only reason I don't smack him and run is because I'd actually like to show my face there again and I don't want to make a scene. Finally, he relents and he says he'llgo with me to the bus stop.

The bus comes. I get on. So does he. (Remember I need to go south. He should be going north. this is a south-bound bus.)

Me: What are you doing?
Him: I'm going home with you.
Me: (stunned pause) Umm...no?
Him: What are you going to do about it?

This exchange is taking place standing in front of the middle exit of the bus, so I'm sandwiched between the doors and him, because his arms are pretty much preventing me from moving away. And any time I make eye contact, he's leaning closer. And I'm gagging....and avoiding any "meaningful" eye contact...

[Delphine]

Posted: 10/23/04 at 7:16pm

This is like a horror flick!

[Type_A_Tiff]

Posted: 10/23/04 at 7:24pm

And whatI haven't pointed out is my friends call him "Horse" because he's got really small teeth, a lotta gums and a big bite...I can't decide if it's a big underbite or overbite. Now, I have no issue with folks with not so hot teeth, but here's the thing...

He opens his mouth slightly. I'm avoiding eye contact but his face is really close to me. I turn away and his gums/teeth brush my cheek. I laugh it off and push him away.

Finally, he gets off at one of the stops (and he'll totally have to backtrack), and in about 20 minutes, I'm already getting phone calls and text messages from him saying how he had a really good time and we'll have to do it again. I get home 30 minutes later, and there's already emails waiting in my Inbox.

Oh my god.

[insomniak]

Posted: 10/23/04 at 7:30pm

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

That is THE worst date I have ever heard. It's almost too awful to be true.

Tiff, marry Guido. When that's your alternative, even a harem is tolerable.

[Type_A_Tiff]

Posted: 10/23/04 at 7:31pm

It was actually kind of comical. It's the only date I've had that could rival the disasters on Sex and the City, and it's been retold many a-time at our girls' nights out.

But at least I never had to compete with a harem!

[insomniak]

Posted: 10/23/04 at 7:38pm

Oh honey, it'll be funny next week. It's a great story to tell at parties, think of it that way. Unless you're too traumatized? I know of some things that are too bad to really get over... *twitch* wood glue.. *twitch*

[Type_A_Tiff]

Posted: 10/23/04 at 7:41pm

Oh, hun, the only thing more traumatic than the date itself is what it symbolizes - the collapse of good dates for me as we know it.

And what's this wood glue thing? I've missed something somewhere.

Updated On: 10/23/04 at 07:41 PM

[insomniak]

Posted: 10/23/04 at 7:51pm

Not so, Tiff! You're marrying Guido, and he must be good, to have a harem like that.

The wood glue thing... oy.

In seventh grade (backround: I was lucky enough to have a fantastic drama department in middle school, our director was used to highschool/college kids and held us to those standards), my school did The Hobbit and we built this huge hobbit house tree thing. It was like a two/three story-tall scuplture that you could go inside and everything. Anyway, being in seventh grade, I got the lackey jobs like washing oil-based paint out of brushes *twitches again* or doing things no one else wanted to do. The hobbit house was made of fabric-mache, which is basically strips of cloth instead of paper and woodglue instead of the elmer's stuff. Two and a half months I worked on this Hobbit house, three hours a day after school, dipping my hands in a bucket of wood glue and slathering it on the set. It does nasty things to your skin, wood glue. My hands turned like neon yellow and cracked and the skin was all dry... my director saw me one time and was like, "What did you DO to yourself?!" It was bad, people. He didn't even believe that setbuilding could do that kind of damage. My hands hurt just thinking about it... *twitch* It was sick. It was like Frankenstien's monster and no lotion would help.

To this day, I refuse to touch wood glue. I just can't.

[Kelliexo90]

Posted: 10/23/04 at 7:55pm

Tiff that is absolutely terrible! He must have been on a different date than you were..

[Type_A_Tiff]

Posted: 10/23/04 at 7:55pm

Oh my god, that's so digusting. I'm such a germaphobe. That would be my hell. Your cuticles must've been nasty.

[insomniak]

Posted: 10/23/04 at 7:58pm

Only if yellow and cracked and flaky are nasty.

Seriously, we were building flats in tech a week ago and that involves glue. I went up to the master carpenter and was like, "I'm sorry, I can't do this."

[Type_A_Tiff]

Posted: 10/23/04 at 8:00pm

Kellie! Why aren't you on here more often! I forgot there's people on here other than the core 5!

[insomniak]

Posted: 10/23/04 at 8:04pm

Just how many are there in out little group? Is it five?

Me
Guido
Tiff
Delphie
Ebonic
Gov
Monkey

[Type_A_Tiff]

Posted: 10/23/04 at 8:07pm

okay 7. true.

how long did it take for your hands to recover? (they have recovered, right? otherwise you're gonna looke like freddie krueger when you meet the rent boys/jerks who won't respond!) - oooh, did i just say that?

[Type_A_Tiff]

Posted: 10/23/04 at 8:17pm

is this thing broken or have there really been no posts whatsoever on the off-topic board for over 10 minutes??