This is gonna be a lengthy message, because I need to rant about one recent guy in particular.
Okay, have you READ about my dating history? Oy. Lurid. Putrid. Recently it was a gangly tall guy with beer breath, his shorter heterosexual lifemate with no personality, a dope who smacked my hand away when I reached for his fries about 20 seconds before tossing them himself, and finally, this is the worse:
a paraplegic (not a diss against the disabled. It really was the least of his problems) who:
a) called me after he arrived at our date spot 40 minutes early and chastised me for not "hurrying up";
b) hollered at me at an art gallery;
c) told me he'd pay my $5 admission in return for me paying for his expensive, italian dinner;
d) laughed like a horse; e) guffawed so nasally that he BREATHED on my bare arm (and as a germaphobe, that's my hell);
e) interrupted the tour guide to add in pointless bits of information;
f) drudged up my personal history that I made clear was a taboo area;
g) said he found me very attractive, and in the next sentence said, "I normally don't go for girls who are superhotties or very good-looking, you know. I go for girls with a good personality and a good inner beauty." (which, according to my girlfriends, is the part where they would have dumped the drink on his head and stormed out);
h) lectured me on the evils of drinking (I was going to order a wine, which he disapproved of - I don't drink much, or for the sake of drinking, but he drove me to it) and said he disapproved of people who drank because it gave them a sense of self-validation;
i) AND THIS IS THE WORST - Okay, picture this: The bill for both of us (who ordered equal-costing items) came to about $22 after tax. We were going dutch (which is another huge turn-off, but anyway). Meaning at the very minimum, before tip, we should've been paying $11 each. Picture this. I put down $14. He said he only had large bills so he took my money and put down
$23. Think about this. Minimum $11 each. I put down $14. He then covers the bill at $23. HE'S USED MY GODDAMN TIP MONEY TO COVER HIS OWN PORTION AND GAVE A $1 TIP ON A $22 MEAL!!!
j) The subsequent dialogue:
Me: Uh, I put down $14.
Him: Yeah. So?
Me: Well, you tipped $1. So...put down my tip money.
Him: No.
Me: (incredulous) Umm...what? There should be at least $3 of tip money there.
Him: Uh-huh.
Me: So give me back my tip money so I can put it down!
Him: No. Me: (ripping him a new as$hole.)
Him: Well, if you're going to be so childish about it... (he tosses down the tip money.) Happy now?
At this point, I excuse myself to go to the bathroom so I can call a girlfriend and rant. I return and our formerly friendly waiter is now a total bitch queen, and our bill is gone. My date is waiting for me outside. The table behind me, who's heard this melodrama, goes: "When you left, I saw him taking back a few of the coins." The F*CKer has taken back the waiter's tip money.
It gets worse.
"It's not always about you!!!" (But if you think I'm referring to you anyway, then I probably am.)
"Good luck returning my ass!" - Wilhemina Slater
"This is my breakfast, lunch and f***ing dinner right here. I'm not even f***in' joking." - Colin Farrell
Where do you meet these creepy men?
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