Cruel_Sandwich released on bail; makes statement

[Cruel_Sandwich]

Posted: 7/17/08 at 8:01pm

BY ARTHUR MACSHANE

Cruel_Sandwich, the four-time Heisman Trophy fullback for the Philadelphia Trolleyhorses, was released from jail today on a $5,000 bail. Sandwich, 46, who had been arrested for assault chages stemming from an arguement over the Pulitzer Prize winning novel THE DARK KNIGHT, is due to be arraigned on August 1st in Broadwayworld Criminal Court.

Officers described Sandwich as "willing to cooperate with the police" but expressed bafflement over the poster keeling over and actually being pronounced dead for a full 12 and a half minutes. He was able to use an Enchantment Spell picked up by playing World of Warcraft in an attempt to rouse himself back to life. Officer Ezra Pound remarks, "It was certainly a strange sight but it wasn't completely unexpected. I'm just glad noone got hurt."

Sandwich has released a statement relating to the incident through his publicist. "This incident has shown me that I am completely out of control with my addiction to movies and internet usage. I am immediately going to start rehabilitation (Well...only after seeing The Dark Knight first) in order to pick up the ashes from my life. I wish to apologize to DG, who is entitled to whatever opinion he would like, and to rosscoe(au) for disrupting the peace of a thread whose existence I simply did not agree with."
Updated On: 7/17/08 at 08:01 PM

[SweetQintheLights]

Posted: 7/17/08 at 8:06pm

You have way too much time on your hands. Get a job.

[Cruel_Sandwich]

Posted: 7/17/08 at 8:09pm

The sad thing is I actually have one. Baha.

[Roscoe]

Posted: 7/17/08 at 8:09pm

Cruel Sandwich Enters Monastery, Vows Eternal Silence, Abstinence From Internet

By Emeric Pressburger

AP -- The fiercely irritating BWW poster Cruel Sandwich announced that he would be entering a Tibetan monastery, where he would be forbidden access to the internet and would never be seen on BWW again.

"Goodbye Cruel (get it?) world." said Mr. Sandwich's statement, a barely legible missive written in dull pencil on a piece of paper from a Big Chief tablet.

The news was greeted with a notable mixture of indifference and warmth. "I wish him well, and hope God keeps him," said HDThoreau2, "far far far away from a computer." "Cruel who?" said TooDarnHot. BWW PD representative Boris Lermontov said, "Nothing matters but the monastery."

[Cruel_Sandwich]

Posted: 7/17/08 at 8:11pm

Well, it's nice to know Pressburger is still around.

[SweetQintheLights]

Posted: 7/17/08 at 8:30pm

Cruel, if you have a job, you need to get more hours.

[Cruel_Sandwich]

Posted: 7/17/08 at 8:32pm

Eh, the money from the Philadelphia Trolleyhorses keeps me pretty good company.

[Glebb]

Posted: 7/17/08 at 8:56pm

Roscoe - I suspect you're a treasure!

[StockardFan]

Posted: 7/18/08 at 7:55am

I'm LMAO.....

[skb2010]

Posted: 7/18/08 at 12:30pm

WAIT

I thought you were 21?