Daschel is back

[Guillermo Ugarte]

Posted: 11/7/05 at 5:22pm

Daschel has returned from working in his voluntary kitchen job at the New Hampshire Home for Mulish Canines. Here is a picture taken during his final Thursday afternoon shift.

http://daschel.photosite.com

Thank you for all for your kind messages concerning Daschel's welfare. He is doing fine and his behavior has improved quite a bit.

You will be happy to know that his cooking skills have improved immensely. I think he is nearly ready for his next survivor challenge, namely, The Mutt Marathon later this month.

I know that you all love Daschel and I am sure you will be willing to send donations for his marathon fund raiser. He is running for the Pooches Against Pornography charity, a worthwhile organization that tries to help down and out doggies break the pooch porn habit and get back to a healthy lifestyle of romping in the park and chasing frisbees.

In December, Dashel's fat rump will be firmly planted in the exit row of an AlItalia flight, on the way to Venice, where he will participate in the Iron Mutt competition. 10 days of canal paddling, turret balance work, piazza scooting and unicycling throughout the Italian countryside, culminating in a wine tasting and Dog Chow Edacious Competition, sponsored by Purina, after which he will head for a well-deserved spa visit. You'll be happy to know, he is getting a new tattoo especially for the occassion. It it is very detailed and it will take us weeks to finish it with all the colors in the diversity spectrum. But I'm sure we will be done in plenty of time for the flight.

If you would like to contribute to this international friendship event, please send your checks to me c/o Daschel's Mutt Werx 111 Radio City Station, NY 10000. All donations are cheerfully accepted.

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 11/7/05 at 6:04pm

Are Bernadette Peters and Mary "Richards" Tyler Moore involved in any way?

Posted: 11/7/05 at 6:21pm

Will Daschel be participating in the Dirty Dogs Fantasy Fest to be held in Key West, Florida, during the dog days of August, prior to the Halloween Fantasy Fest?

I am told that after the proliferation of exposed breasts and genitalia at last year's Dirty Dog, there will be stringent requirements regarding the percentage of dog flesh that can be exposed in costumes. I trust Daschel's costume will be created with an eye toward clever concealment.

Perhaps Daschel, with his cooking skills, will man the Cuban fast food stand, too. Molletes? Bollos? Platanos?

[iflitifloat]

Posted: 11/7/05 at 6:39pm

Thought this was gonna be a political thread. My bad.

[EddieVarley]

Posted: 11/8/05 at 2:17am

Ah, good news on Daschel's welfare, bad news on the whole "pooch porn habit" as I quite enjoyed his early work in 'The Bigger The Biter'....oh well, I guess it's back to 'Inside Cujo' for THIS dog lover!

[MasterLcZ]

Posted: 11/8/05 at 8:46am

I know all about Doggie Smut. I've actually seen "Burying a Big Bone" and that solo-video, "Because I Can".

[Guillermo Ugarte]

Posted: 11/8/05 at 3:28pm

I am trying to raise the money to send Daschel to the Dirty Dog Fantasy Fest next year but the Iron Mutt competition has cleaned us out. Needless to say, a brave competitor such as Daschel cannot very well ride in steerage and his special pooch travel chair cost me a pretty penny, I'll tell you. If I can get this fundraiser going I will certainly send him down to the Keys.

He loves the weather there and is fond of the Clam Toss and Keg Party the night before the big competition. Though I am ashamed to say that he has, in years past, gone in a scantily clad state, the new rules, coupled with his commitment to protect himself and his fellow canines from the terrible scourge of doggie porn, will certainly drive him toward a more comely form of dress. He is up in the air about the costume but the coin toss is between the French Maid and Eleanor Roosevelt. What do you guys think?

For those of you who have seen Daschel's past porn work I would ask you to be sensitive to his recent conversion. Tough love time at the New Hampshire Home for Mulish Canines has certainly changed this pup. Please send all copies of videos and vivid pictures of past transgressions to me so that I may destroy the evidence. Items I would especially like destroyed are Fur Flix previously as shown at the Metro in 1996, Tail and Pussie from 1997 and Hindquartered from 2000.

[HeartinNYC]

Posted: 11/8/05 at 3:42pm

One thing I am very concerned about is my own dog, Muffin, getting online when I'm not looking and discovering the apparently wide world of Puppy Porn. Until now I've been (I think) successful in sheltering her from this decadence, but I left Guillermo's response on screen while grabbing a glass of C****nay (which I needed after Guillermo's response), and when I returned Muffin was sitting there reading all about this stuff. I can just imagine the mysterious charges on my Visa card to such vendors as "Dachshund Playmates", "The Pink Pussycat" (okay, well that is a monthly revolving charge I'll admit to, but...) and "Alpo You a Drink" that will now ensue.

Still Guillermo, I'm glad to hear Daschel's been cleaning up his act and making an honest life for himself. I've found a video from 2001 entitled "Bone Appetit" - is this his, too?

Posted: 11/8/05 at 5:51pm

It is my understanding that the following dog porn has been out-of-print, and are rare finds.

The Elements of Doggie Style
Whatever Happened to Puppy Love?
Hush, Hush, Sweet Bitch
Sex and the Single Bitch
Felix and Oscar: The Odd Couple
In The Heat of The Night
Night of The Chihuahuas
The Boxer and I
Lady in the Dark
Plaza Doghouse

Please keep an eye out for any of these in flea market bins. They, in any combination, might make a great holiday gift for Dashel, or your dog.




Updated On: 11/8/05 at 05:51 PM

[Guillermo Ugarte]

Posted: 11/19/05 at 1:33pm

Thanks to Jose, Daschel is back on the porn circuit. That list of flea market knockoffs was more than he could bear. And, yes he does read these boards. He is one smart little paw packer.

As you can well understand, my only goal now is to get my dearly beloved pooch into rehab as quickly as I can but, as you all know, those rehab programs are costly. I checked into the Bulldog Bootcamp and Betty Ford's Addicted to Love Annex but they are both way over my head. My salary as a union toilet swabber at Radio City doesn't mush the puppy chow. Needless to say, I can't afford Daschel's favorite pumpkin and kibble pie for Thanksgiving.

As I write this, I am waiting for the matinee crowd to arrive and hoping they aren't fresh from the booths at the Tourista Diner and Internet Cafe. Daschel has been missing since last night when he finished watching The Elements of Doggie Style. Immediately after the closing credits, my poor confused canine leapt onto the fire escape and took off for points unknown. He is doubtless fishing for porn gigs near the Lincoln Tunnel, fully exposed to all passing cars. I am mortified.

Please send cash, checks or money orders ASAP so I can get this puppy back on the straight and narrow.

[MargoChanning]

Posted: 11/19/05 at 2:50pm

Ya know, I thought it was odd when I passing through the Lincoln Tunnel this morning and I thought I saw what looked like a pug by one of the token booths, decked out in spandex, nipple clamps with a coin changer attached to his dog collar. I thought I'd imagined it, but perhaps that was just Daschel out on the hunt for wealthy bitches coming in from Jersey ......

Updated On: 11/19/05 at 02:50 PM

[EddieVarley]

Posted: 11/21/05 at 12:03am

Oh Sweet Bejeezus!

I thought that was Daschel crouched against the guard rail at Exit 16, well, either Daschel or Wilford Brimley on a bender.

I just couldn't stop, I felt dirty just watching him beg for a taste of Mighty Dog. Guillermo, make it better!

Posted: 11/21/05 at 9:24am

I am told that recently a copy of "A Doghouse Is Not A Home" sold on Ebay for $6,900.

Some of you may recall this was Daschel's first feature film fole. His role as "A John" was small, and his dialogue was limited to two quick, short, barks in between some heavy breathing. The full frontal view of him as he turns to the door when the cops burst in, a mixture of fear and excitement on his face, made an huge impression on critics and fans of the film. Those who have seen the film say that in that moment the surity of his future was evident.


And now Daschel is reduced to walking the Lincoln Tunnel. Terribly sad.
Updated On: 11/21/05 at 09:24 AM

[Guillermo Ugarte]

Posted: 11/21/05 at 9:41am

It is funny that you say that Daschel bears a resemblance to the Brimley family. In fact, Daschel's mother was worked in the Brimley laundry, carting baskets of linen napkins up and down the servant staircase on her back.

I rescued Daschel from servitude when he was a mere sprout, only to lose him to his terrible porn addiction. The puppy porn pix were bad enough but his recent descent into the gutters of Gotham is the last straw.

I have engaged the Christian Cherubic Coalition for Compunctious Curs to find my dear Daschel, take him into custody and use their proven techniques to convert and save him. Please send me whatever spare change you have for this worthy cause. I'm sure we all agree that Daschel has fallen into a state of inglorious turpitude and is in dire need of our help.

[MasterLcZ]

Posted: 12/6/05 at 8:55pm

Must be a "Mercury" dime.

[StickToPriest]

Posted: 1/9/06 at 1:31am

Oops.
Totally thought this was a thread on the former Senator.
Took me a few lines to realize it wasn't.

[YouWantitWhen????]

Posted: 1/9/06 at 1:33am

Hi Priest -

Every time I see this thread, I think it is about Tom Daschel!

Then I read puppy porn, and figure it as to be Tom Delay.