Expressions for women to use on high stress days...

For a laugh ----

EXPRESSIONS FOR WOMEN TO USE ON HIGH STRESS DAYS
1. You, off my planet.
2. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
3. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
4. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
5. I'm not crazy. I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years.
6. Allow me to introduce my selves.
7. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
8. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
9. I'm just working here until a good fast-food job opens up.
10. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
11. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you weren't asleep.
12. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
13. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
14. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?
15. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
16. Chaos, panic, and disorder-my work here is done.
17. Earth is full. Go home.
18. Is it time for your medication or mine?
19. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
20. I'm not tense, just terribly alert.

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I used numbers 10 and 13 just last night!

21. Okay, okay! I take it back. Unf*ck you.
22. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
23. Well, aren't we a damn ray of sunshine?
24. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
25. Do I look like a people person?
26. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
27. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
28. Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.
29.Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control?
30. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
31. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
32. Back off!! You're standing in my aura.
33. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too.
34. I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.
35. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
36. Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
37. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
38. You look like ****. Is that the style now?
39. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?
40. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
41. You are depriving some village of an idiot.
42. If a*sholes could fly, this place would be an airport.
43. Look in my eyes.... Do you see one ounce of give a ****

I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 40 years. (lol I love Steel Magnolias!)

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Updated On: 4/23/04 at 01:12 PM

how can we save this list? I mean it should be bronzed!

This is one of my personal favorites....

The Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) has
determined that the maximum safe load capacity on my butt is 2
persons at a time-- unless I install handrails or safety straps.

As you have arrived 6th in line to ride my ass today, please take a
number and wait your turn.

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Updated On: 4/23/04 at 09:11 PM

that's great. haha.