FRIDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
FRIDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
#0FRIDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 6/10/05 at 5:04am
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my
doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour.
But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
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Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
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The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter
eggs.
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Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied.
"Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"
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I've sure gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip
replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends.
But, thank God, I still have my driver's license!
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A 97-year-old man goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc, I
want my sex drive lowered."
"Sir," replied the doctor, "you're 97. Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?"
"You're damned right it is!" replied the old man. That's why I want it lowered!"
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An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and make her final
requests. She told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Walmart "Walmart?" the rabbi exclaimed. "Why Walmart?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week.
#2re: FRIDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 6/10/05 at 7:51amCute. Morning, sweetie!
Our fingerprints don't fade from the lives we touch.
Puppies are babies in fur coats.
Tinfoil...The Terrorizing Terminator
#3re: FRIDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 6/10/05 at 8:02amMorning Doxy and Girly....hope I gave you both a giggle before I disappear into the corporate world.
#4re: FRIDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 6/10/05 at 8:04am
NO!!! DON'T GO!! 
Our fingerprints don't fade from the lives we touch.
Puppies are babies in fur coats.
Tinfoil...The Terrorizing Terminator
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#5re: FRIDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 6/10/05 at 9:12amBB - that was the best! Now there's a chance I'll have a good morning! TY TY TY!
#7re: FRIDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 6/10/05 at 9:21amlol... I like the driver's licence one... it reminds me of that South Park episode.
Ugly is beautiful
"My brother plays a drag queen... and I'm surprised he looks as good as he does in drag." - Adam Rapp
"thanks, abba. now i'll forever have an image of you as a tattoed hardcore straightedge grrl savaging people in the mosh pit." - papalovesmambo
"Yeah Abba. All the filthy crap you spew out there on those boards. I for one, am equally shocked. :-P" - AnnaK
#8re: FRIDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 6/10/05 at 10:00amThanks Boobs !! Have a good day !!
#9Add THIS to the list
Posted: 6/10/05 at 10:16am
A young man moved into a new apartment on his own, and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe.
The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on.. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming..."
He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?" Embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears!"
Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these boobs, they are full and 100% natural! I work out every day! My butt is firm and solid! Look at my skin -- no blemishes anywhere! How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears? "
Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming? That was me."
#10And ANOTHER!
Posted: 6/10/05 at 10:17am
Jack was going to be married to Jill, so his father sat him down for a little fireside chat. He says, "Jack, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants and handed them to your mother, and said, 'Here, try these on.' So, she did and said, 'These are too big, I can't wear them.' So I replied, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.' Ever since that night we have never had any problems."
"Hmmm," says Jack. He thinks that might be a good thing to try.
So, on his honeymoon, Jack takes off his pants and says to Jill, "Here
try these on." So she does and says, "These are too large; they don't
fit me."
So Jack says, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will, and I don't want you to ever forget that." Then Jill takes off her pants, hands them to Jack and says, "Here you try on mine." So he does and says, "I can't get into your pants." Then Jill says, "Exactly. And if you don't change your smart-ass attitude, you never will.
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