Fate...Destiny....I'm starting to doubt it msy....VERY long post. Bylldog and anyone else who has some choices worth, try to hold back.
Fate...Destiny....I'm starting to doubt it msy....VERY long post. Bylldog and anyone else who has some choices worth, try to hold back.
Fate...Destiny....I'm starting to doubt it msy....VERY long post. Bylldog and anyone else who has some choices worth, try to hold back.#0
Posted: 12/6/03 at 7:09am
Ok, I just have on request people, if you're going to read this can we try not to crack jokes this one time. I beg you. Please. because I don't have the nerve to do that.. Call me a coward, fine I would be forced to agree with you on this matter. But then again, I'm sure there is on person on this voard who has had their broken, am I wrong?.
In short, my birthday is coming up in a few weeks. Up until 2 years ago I always used to spend it with this perso since she was/is one of the probably one of the most important people in my life. But we ended up living far away from each other and the fact that we couldn't see each other as much as we wanted to really caused some frustration although our feelings never changed.]. So it just ended like that. The last birthday we spent together alcohol was involved and I guess you could say we both ended up,,,,,I don't even know how to explain it....let's leave it at we were drunk and se just started about random stuff which turned into a conversation that I never saw coming.
After about 2 years of hiding from our parents, friends, brothers and sisters that when she decide through email that it was over, I didn't get any say in it..so....that was it. I'm not saying I'm angel at all I do take some of the blame. I've tried to contact her and got nothing I don't even know 100% if she would even bother to read it. I mean is there anything else I can do?
She made a comment one time that nothing would tear us apart ever. and being so stupid I bvelieved her, Thress days later I gir her email.
I know for a fact that a friend of mine will be at the wedding since we all went to school togetjher and as awful as it sounds, I don't know how I'd handle seeing her again,it's too soon,,which i guess I deserve after jumping into something so fast. As for my birthday thing, I can barely remember a memory withiout us together I was in an awful place but have since improved ten fold. I just hate not having any control over something that impacts my life SO very much
So, I guess I'm just looking for some advice I suppose..anything please...i think most of you will say to give it up though, it;s hard knowing someone is out ther who knws every secret about you that is what I miss the most; having someone know you so well.
The only reason I can maybe entertain is the fact that we met each other too young our parents were still in our lifes and akk the hiding wasn't eady. And with our parents, as soon as we'd become close, they;d find a way to pull us apart,
Ok I'm sorry I vented, I really needed to, this had been builiding for days...against ok please no lecture about proper writing. Don't joke, with even if u have no respect for me, can u just try to refrain? i'm begging you.this is the most sensitive of topics. PLEASE answer on PM if you can, I'd apprecite it, a great deal from those out there who maybe even slightly know what I'm through....
as trite as rhis email sounds, letme add one thing has anyone ever hadtheir heart broken and they were still able to love someone again?
re: Fate...Destiny....I'm starting to doubt it msy....VERY long post. Bylldog and anyone else who has some choices worth, try to hold back.#1
Posted: 12/6/03 at 7:11am
Bylldog=Bulldog of course
worth = words in the title.
I'm sorry try ignore the spelling I have to go finished some work in the office and then i'm going to gym. to get a few hours to sleep. Thanks goodness is friday
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/12/03
re: re: Fate...Destiny....I'm starting to doubt it msy....VERY long post. Bylldog and anyone else who has some choices worth, try to hold back.#2
Posted: 12/6/03 at 9:40am
The first thing you have to understand is that when some people are uncomfortable with a situation and don’t know how to handle or respond to it, they make fun of it. That in no way lessens your hurt or the problem and may, in fact magnify it. Your serious they are seemly not.
I’m going to answer you but not here–let me PM you.
D
re: re: re: Fate...Destiny....I'm starting to doubt it msy....VERY long pos#3
Posted: 12/6/03 at 12:01pmI would just suggest that you make sure that there is plenty of Alcohol available at the wedding and keep it flowing. The Alcohol seemed to have helped "open up" unforseen territory in your relationship before. So...let's just start imbibing and see where this may lead.
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/15/03
re: re: re: re: Fate...Destiny....I'm starting to doubt it msy....VERY long pos#4
Posted: 12/6/03 at 3:54pm
Horsey, that is the most insensitive thing you could have said. Is your life founded on nothing more than sex and alcohol?
Bronte, I'm just going to tell you that sometimes we have to face facts. What happened between you and this gal was little more than a catalyst for the break-up. You may not have realized it, but your relationship with her may have been on the brink of ending for some time.
The reality is, you can't go back and undo what happened. By all means go to the wedding. Have fun. Yes, your friend will be there, but you sometimes have to be strong for other people--in thei case the gal who is getting married. Be cordial to your old friend, but nothing more. That's what grace is all aboout. This sort of situation would pop up sooner or later. Unfortunately it was sooner in your case.
I can honestly say from experience that time will lessen your pain. It may sound trite, but it's true.
re: re: re: re: re: Fate...Destiny....I'm starting to doubt it msy....VERY long pos#5
Posted: 12/6/03 at 6:52pm
See what you are capable of, DP? The cold sore comment just masked the sensitive, insightful you that is beloved by many.
I would like to echo DP's comments, Bront, and give you some advice based on my own experience. People say things they don't really mean all the time. The "nothing could tear us apart" thing, for example. I'm not sure why they do it, but they do. The most important thing to remember is that such sweeping romantic thoughts and statements are lovely, but not to be considered binding contracts. If they happen to come true over time, beautiful.
But the sex advice columnist Dan Savage put it best when he said, "All relationships come to an end. Except the one that doesn't."
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/15/03
re: re: re: re: re: re: Fate...Destiny....I'm starting to doubt it msy....VERY long pos#6
Posted: 12/6/03 at 9:21pm
Now Namo, don't start telling me that I'm sensitive and caring. Were that the case I'd be on a fire escape singing "Little Lamb" at every opportunity.
Keep saying nice things about me Namo and I'll place a curse on you to lose your eyesight on Christmas Eve. Imagine how much fun you'd have FEELING the tree!
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/12/03
Fate...Destiny....I'm starting to doubt it msy....VERY long pos#7
Posted: 12/6/03 at 9:32pm
Well, I think that both of you, DP and Namo, are showing what really great guys you are. 
D
Joined: 12/31/69
re: re: re: re: re: re: re: Fate...Destiny....I'm starting to doubt it msy....VERY long pos#8
Posted: 12/6/03 at 9:33pm
"Imagine how much fun you'd have FEELING the tree!"
Doesn't he already do that, Dolly?
re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: Fate...Destiny....I'm starting to doubt it msy....VERY long pos#9
Posted: 12/6/03 at 9:49pmYou better BELIEVE I do, Vish. I squeeze the candy cane, too.
Joined: 12/31/69
re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: Fate...Destiny....I'm starting to doubt it msy....VERY long pos#10
Posted: 12/6/03 at 9:57pmAnd stuff the stockings? Or are you just hung like one?
re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: Fate...Destiny....I'm starting to doubt it msy....VERY long pos#11
Posted: 12/6/03 at 10:01pm
Both Namo and DP are dears, they just pretend not to be.
Bronte, your pain is real. I suggest that you go to the wedding for the sake of the person getting married. Try to make the best of it. I don't suggest getting inebriated or sloppy drunk because that may cause you to say or do things that you will may regret the next day. Time does heal all wounds and hopefully by this time next year, you will be in a healthy, happy relationship. If you are not, you may have at least put the past behind you. Clinging to unhappy things is not healthy and will just cause you more pain. I think we all have been hurt in love and can all emphathize with you. I wish you all the best in this sad situation. Think positive.
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/15/03
re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: Fate...Destiny....I'm starting to doubt it msy....VERY long pos#12
Posted: 12/6/03 at 10:19pmBronte, if you want to know a real story of pain and abandonment, I'll tell you the story of how Albin jilted me.
Joined: 12/31/69
re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: Fate...Destiny....I'm starting to doubt it msy....VERY long pos#13
Posted: 12/6/03 at 10:25pmYou know, it's funny.... I just started to remember how my ex-fiance and I used to love this time of year. I try not to think about him, mainly as he was truly a child when it came down to it, but sometimes I can't help it.... Especially around this time of year.... Now I feel maudlin. Sigh. Why do you have to have fond memories of the people you hate?
Stand-by Joined: 11/3/03
re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: Fate...Destiny....I'm starting to doubt it msy....VERY long pos#14
Posted: 12/6/03 at 10:26pm
Forget about the girl or boy and go to the wedding. I think you may regret it later if you stayed away because of someone you cared about at one time.
You can't make people love you, and this person has obviously moved on. You'll meet many more people in your life and probably end up wondering what you ever saw in this person.
Good luck, Bronte. :)
Joined: 12/31/69
re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: Fate...Destiny....I'm starting to doubt it msy....VERY long pos#15
Posted: 12/6/03 at 10:39pm
Aye, lassie.
Above all, go to the wedding. Be your own person, independent of another. Just think of it this way: had it not happened at all, you'd be going. You have to move on, because if you don't, you're no better for it.
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/12/03
: Fate...Destiny....I'm starting to doubt it msy....VERY long pos#16
Posted: 12/6/03 at 10:54pm
I feel a little maudlin myself this Christmas, VC. Nothing has changed. Not really. But everything has changed.
D
Joined: 12/31/69
re: : Fate...Destiny....I'm starting to doubt it msy....VERY long pos#17
Posted: 12/7/03 at 12:00am
It's hard to feel maudlin when you're getting a gorgeous snowfall, though. I walked around Lincoln Center tonight; nothing like seeing the tree, the Met and the fountain gleaming from under a layer of snow. And I get a very warm feeling when I catch the scent of Christmas trees and gingerbread and all of those fun things.
We all need a little Christmas....
re: re: : fate...destiny....i'm starting to doubt it msy....very long pos#18
Posted: 12/7/03 at 12:17amwait...dolly and namo are guys?????? oh this changes everything....
...global warming can manifest itself as heat, cool, precipitation, storms, drought, wind, or any other phenomenon, much like a shapeshifter. -- jim geraghty
pray to st. jude
i'm a sonic reducer
he was the gimmicky sort
fenchurch=mejusthavingfun=magwildwood=mmousefan=bkcollector=bradmajors=somethingtotalkabout: the fenchurch mpd collective
Joined: 12/31/69
re: re: re: : fate...destiny....i'm starting to doubt it msy....very long pos#19
Posted: 12/7/03 at 12:19amPapa! You're back!
re: re: re: re: : fate...destiny....i'm starting to doubt it msy....very l#20
Posted: 12/7/03 at 12:22amoh dammit, i forgot...no i'm not here shhhhhh
...global warming can manifest itself as heat, cool, precipitation, storms, drought, wind, or any other phenomenon, much like a shapeshifter. -- jim geraghty
pray to st. jude
i'm a sonic reducer
he was the gimmicky sort
fenchurch=mejusthavingfun=magwildwood=mmousefan=bkcollector=bradmajors=somethingtotalkabout: the fenchurch mpd collective
Broadway Legend Joined: 10/10/03
re: Fate...Destiny....I'm starting to doubt it msy....VERY long post. Bylldog and anyone else who has some choices worth, try to hold back.#21
Posted: 12/7/03 at 12:28am
I had a marriage fall apart after a lot of years (he told me he was leaving on Valentine's Day....how's that for a kick in the ass?). I was devastated. And although I can't really feel it anymore, I remember there was great, great pain.
I finally realized that you can't make someone be who you want them to be, or feel what you want them to feel. None of us has that kind of control over anyone else. What you DO have control over is how you choose to respond to the way things are now. You can choose to go to the wedding, or not. You can choose to speak to her or not. You can choose to fall apart or stay strong if she ignores you or is mean. I'm not sure I'm saying this coherently....but once I realized that it was not in my control to make him love me anymore, I began to work within the parameters of what WAS within my control... and my life began to heal. Sometimes we are given the chance to enjoy a special relationship with someone for just a time; not forever. I think it always make one a richer person to have felt something deeply, even if the cost is the intensity of pain one must work through when the relationship changes, or the person leaves or dies.
All I can tell you, is that if you choose to be okay, eventually you will be. My best friend, Margaret (who died four years ago and knew all my secrets and I still miss every day) and I used to practice "controlled wallowing". When one of us needed to feel really sorry for ourself or was really sad or angry, we'd allow the other person a set amount of time (like 30 minutes....) to wallow to our heart's content. At the end of the allotted time, we had to snap out of it and go back to being functional. It proved to be a very useful technique which I recommend highly. I'm not saying that any of this is quick or easy. I'm just saying that life WILL be okay again.
And I'm also strongly recommending that, on a practical level, it would be extremely wise to avoid drinking alcohol at the wedding. Hell, bum a Xanax from someone, if you must, but drinking when you're emotionally so vulnerable would be a huge mistake.
Good luck. And thank you for being brave enough to post what you did.
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/18/03
re: re: Fate...Destiny....I'm starting to doubt it msy....VERY long post. Bylldog and anyone else who has some choices worth, try to hold back.#22
Posted: 12/7/03 at 1:11amI hate men.. they get inside of your heart and head and make you think things and then drop you on your head.. it hurts SO much
re: re: re: Fate...Destiny....I'm starting to doubt it msy....VERY long post. Bylldog and anyone else who has some choices worth, try to hold back.#23
Posted: 12/7/03 at 7:12am
First, thanks for the posts and PM's and for not twisting them around.
Well first of all, I'm kind of uneasy cause when I wrote my first post I was trying not to use the words "she," "her" and stuff like that not being sure how somepeople may take it. The fact that I slipped up...I don'tknow how that makes me feel.
Well, I must respectfully disagree about the catalyst thing. I had just come home from LA after 3 months and things were really great. I was sick for awhile and when my mom was at work (I couldn;t drive cause of the meds) she'd come over to see me and we'd usually fall asleep.
What I'm thinking from what I have heard from a friend of ours is that she got the feeling her parents may have known (her mom married, 2 kids, nice house, etc.).It was something like we were on the coach watching TV when her parents were out in a room that faces the backyard and has windows. Supposedly, her older brother walked in the backyard, saw the light on, glanced in and saw her kiss me for was probably all of two seconds.
Soon after that her mom would always question my friend about certain guys and she couldn't have missed how uninterested she was.
The problem with the two of us wasn't love cause we adored each other. It was the outside world. I admit I'd be scared as hell if I knew I'd have to tell my friends. The problems (some of them) were us sneaking around, lying to our friends and family, we knew we couldn't tell them tell the but that didn't make things easier. Plus she could never do that to her mother and I respected that. At the tine she was in and out of a hospital for a bit, then I was and it's hard to find common ground when one is THIS may sound trite, but sometimes when you know people well all you have to do is look them in the eye and know. I can't describe it, it's just too complicated.
There are a few things people mentioned that reminded me of things, one was that she's "obviously moved on..." I know through someone that she is handling this the same way I am.and told my friend (who she told about this) that it's not exactly something you can stop feeling, especially since starting all this was...unexpected. She also said as much as she wants to see me, she's scared of what she may feel if she does and if something happens she doesn't know if she could "have the strength to end it again.
As for the wedding I will end up going, the bride is one of my very good friends and if i don't go, she would know exactly why and i'd never hurt someone like that.
Fortunenatly I have a very talented therapist (who actually met my friend by accident one time) The xanax sounds good though too...as long as it's the size of a doughnut.
As for alcohol, probably a bad idea. Not that I'd make a scene but that I just would be upset since it's a depressant and all.
namo i can see your point, no doubt about it. if this was some some short lived fling or something, i'd agree even more. but since i knew her as a friend before and know that she had never said that to anyone outside her family...call me foolish, but as upset i am with her, I know what's still there, and she does too accorrdig to my friend. that's one reason i aked about meeting people to early in life....if we had met later without parents around and stuff, maybe we wouuld have had a chance,
What I hate is that now i'll never know.....
Broadway Legend Joined: 10/10/03
re: re: re: re: Fate...Destiny....I'm starting to doubt it msy....VERY long post. Bylldog and anyone else who has some choices worth, try to hold back.#24
Posted: 12/7/03 at 8:36am
Okay, so the real issue here seems to be external pressure because you are both women, apparently young and still living at home. I wouldn't presume to know the complexities of what goes on in every household where parents begin to suspect that their little Johnny or Susie aren't god-bless-america-heterosexuals, but I have had glimpses, and it ain't always pretty. My daughter had a couple of girl friends (in high school) who were in love, and the one girl's parents made it impossible for the relationship to continue.
It sounds like the same sex thing may be something she's not ready to deal with openly yet. As the mother of two kids, 17 and 28 (yep...have a son, too, but he's not into theater so I rarely have cause to mention him here), I don't know how I'd react if you were my child. I believe that I wouldn't have a problem...but who knows what kind of ugly ingrained feelings surface when one is actually IN a situation, and I say that as someone who is WAY more liberal than the average 50-year-old in suburbia.
If the two of you are as young as I think you are (early twenties?), it may be that your relationship can't thrive at this time because you have to settle into who you are as individuals first ...with your family and with your friends. It may never work out because of a million reasons other than that what you fell or felt for each other isn't/wasn't real. Unfortunately, timing often is everything.
If she is under pressure at home, or is emotionally fragile as you seem to suggest, you want to be the last person on earth to add even more pressure or anxiety right now. I think you need to assume that the relationship, as you knew it, is over, do your best to heal from it, and move on. Who knows...maybe someday...when you are both in a 'different place', you may be able to reconfigurate a friendship. But first you need to let it go, and be okay with it.
God, I sound so patronizing, and I truly don't mean it that way. I'm no kind of expert on any of this...I'm just telling you how it looks from my perspective, be it right or wrong, and I may have read things into what you've said that aren't accurate. But if I have read correctly, I'm certainly NOT telling you to not acknowledge or to not go public with being a young woman who loves another woman. My whole point, in case I wasn't clear, is that relationships are difficult and coming out to family has got to be even more difficult...and that maybe both things can't happen simultaneously.
Videos
