Help for a Troubled Teen!

[Atrias]

Posted: 11/29/05 at 2:46pm

My best friend is in a predicament. She has been going out with this guy now for about three months and she just found out that one of her best guy friends likes her and has liked her for many years. She has no intrest in him romantically, hence the problem. She has no idea how to deal with this situation and, frankly, neither do I. We see him every day, and he's one of her closest friends. She doesn't know how to act around him/let him down gently without jeopardizing their friendship. What should she do? Any (rational and non-obscene) suggestions are welcome. Thanks!
Atrias and non-Broadway best friend

[KelRel]

Posted: 11/29/05 at 3:01pm

Did he tell her or did she find out from a friend of a friend of a friend type situation? If he told her then she has to tell him that she is happy with whom she is with and that she hopes as her friend he can respect that. If she found out from another source she should go on life as usual and not worry about it. If he wanted her to know he would have told her. He knows that she is happy and if he is a good friend he wouldn't jeopardize that.

[pattifan2]

Posted: 11/29/05 at 3:05pm

OMG I'd give anything to be a teen again - troubled or otherwise.

[lildogs]

Posted: 11/29/05 at 3:09pm

Please, you've given up to $400 to have a teen...oh! You said "be" a teen...sorry...

I think I agree with KelRel--if he doesn't know that YOU know he likes you, then keep quiet and don't let him know. If he does, then let him broach it--and there's nothing wrong with dating more than one guy, you know...it's not like you're engaged...

[shiksa_goddess]

Posted: 11/29/05 at 4:31pm

I agree with Kel. If he told her he had feelings for her, she needs to tell him her feelings are not the kind he wants her to have for him.

If he hasn't told her, he probably accepts that she is in a relationship and doesn't want to jeopardize that. So he keeps his feelings inside.

I wish you, her, and her friend luck with the situation.

[Atrias]

Posted: 11/29/05 at 5:07pm

He told her how he felt.She knows that she needs to let him down gently, but she doesn't know how to do it. I thought maybe someone else might have gone through something similar and could relate their experience. I know this was kind of a weird thing, but she was desperate and she actually asked me to ask you guys.

[KelRel]

Posted: 11/29/05 at 5:08pm

In that case see suggestion #2.

[lildogs]

Posted: 11/29/05 at 5:08pm

Weird...she should ask the Magic 8-Ball too...why would she care what we think? I wouldn't take my OWN advice and I know me.

[KelRel]

Posted: 11/29/05 at 5:11pm

lildogs would just get Mouse to bite him in the hoo hoo.

[Chloe]

Posted: 11/29/05 at 6:21pm

I think she should tell him the truth as kindly but straightforwardly as possible. This is very hard to do, but is really what's best for him. He went way out on a limb telling her how he feels, and the sooner he knows the truth, the faster he can deal with it and move on. If he decides it's too difficult to still be friends the way he has, that's hard on her, of course, but he deserves to do what's best for him in this situation.

[Atrias]

Posted: 11/29/05 at 6:24pm

Which suggestion #2, KelRel? And I said no obscene stuff! *mock scowls*

[KelRel]

Posted: 11/29/05 at 6:26pm

"If he told her then she has to tell him that she is happy with whom she is with and that she hopes as her friend he can respect that." Ok that was sentence #2 suggestion #1. My bad.

[Atrias]

Posted: 11/29/05 at 6:27pm

Your bad, indeed! Thanks, guys. Poor thing, she nearly had a seizure when she found out.

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 11/29/05 at 6:29pm

One of my closest straight male friends (okay, one of my ONLY straight male friends) has had very, very serious romantic feelings for me for years.

We "dated" in middle school, but really, that doesn't count. We've remained close friends ever since, but the problem persists, because his feels persist. I've done what I'd suggest your friend does, and since my friend is unusually forward and determined, it never works for long, but that's besides the point.

She needs to be really up front and honest, and explain to him that she sees him as nothing more than a friend. If she lets it go, he may feel led on, and will end up hurt if she lets it continue for too long. She really just has to be straight-forward with him, and to tell it like it is. Hopefully, if he really does like her, he'll want her in his life in one capacity or another -- and if all she can offer him is friendship, then concievably he'd be willing to take what he can get. It may take him some time to adjust, but the place to begin is for him to know where she stands, and that she isn't going to change her mind.

Granted, my friend has been trying to get me to change my mind for almost six years now, but like I said, he's odd.

Updated On: 11/29/05 at 06:29 PM