How to Help a Possibly Bulimic Friend

I need advice. In high school I attended assemblies that told us how to support our friends with eating disorders, however I am in a sticky situation...I realized tonight upon his mentor's suggestion that one of my best friends could possibly be bulimic.

Many of the signs are there..."Joe" does not eat right. He usually eats very little and when he does have his nightly dinners, they're usually very unhealthy...french fries, mozzerella sticks, fried mac & cheese...
He's somewhere between 5'9" and 5'10", weighs 135 pounds, and is obsessed with his weight.
And always, shortly after we eat, he has to go to the bathroom. But not just right after...he is constantly going to the bathroom throughout the day...at least every 90 minutes to 2 hours.
And sometimes his breath smells. Unfortunately I never paid close attention to what it smells like.

But the thing is, I haven't actually caught him doing anything, nor do I have full-on proof. I am afraid that it could all be argued circumstantial, and we're both away at school now. I am not seeing him for at least 4 weeks...what should I do? Should I just wait until then and pay very close attention when we meet up next month?

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Updated On: 8/23/08 at 11:20 PM

That's what I often suspected until this suspicion took fruition. And that's a good argument if I brought it up to him.

Actually, his official excuse for using the bathroom so often is "I think it runs in the family".

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How old is he? How on the rise are eating disorders for young men?

I'm very sorry to hear that your friend--and you--are going through this. I have also had personal experience with someone in my family who had an eating disorder.

You might try to think about how you can best discuss it with him, whether that be in person or by phone or whatever. Think about what will be most comfortable for both of you and which method would be most effective in achieving your goal.

What is it that you want to achieve? Are you hoping to get him to open up to you so that he can feel he doesn't have to keep his eating disorder a secret...and get professional help? Think about what you want to come out of this and then think about the best way to get there.

It's really great that you want to be there for your friend because people with eating disorders feel a lot of shame and so lead a "secret life." Having someone in his life who knows about the illness, cares for him and yet doesn't "judge" him will be very important to his recovery, if he does, indeed, have an eating disorder.

But I'm sure you realize that only professionals can really give him the support he needs to truly conquer this demon. Your friendship may be integral to getting him to understand that for himself.

It's very kind of you to put yourself in this position. I hope it all works out.

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MP:

You are officially the wisest person I "know."

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