#1
Posted: 3/15/08 at 1:34am
I found this on Zachary Jaydon's Myspace and thought it was hilarious.
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You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.
You have to be against all government programs, but expect Social Security checks on time.
You have to believe that AIDS victims deserve their disease, but smokers with lung cancer and overweight individuals with heart disease don't deserve theirs.
You have to appreciate the power rush that comes with sporting a gun.
You have to believe everything Rush Limbaugh says.
You have to believe that the agricultural, restaurant, housing and hotel industries can survive without immigrant labor.
You have to believe God hates homosexuality, but loves the death penalty.
You have to believe society is color-blind and growing up black in America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still won't vote for Alan Keyes.
You have to believe that pollution is OK as long as it makes a profit.
You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha.
You have to believe Newt Gingrich and Henry Hyde were really faithful husbands.
You have to believe speaking a few Spanish phrases makes you instantly popular in the barrio.
You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.
You have to be against government interference in business, until your oil company, corporation, or Savings and Loan is about to go broke and you beg for a government bail out.
You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and, by the way, Jesus shares your hatred for AIDS victims, homosexuals, and President Clinton.
You have to believe government has nothing to do with providing police protection, national defense, and building roads.
You have to believe a poor, minority student with a disciplinary history and failing grades will be admitted into an elite private school with a $1,000 voucher.
You have to believe that Chinese communist missiles have killed more Americans than handguns, alcohol, and tobacco.
You have to believe that the ACLU is bad because they defend the Constitution, while the NRA is good because they defend the Constitution.
You have to believe that socialism hasn't worked anywhere, and that Europe doesn't exist.
You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body, but that large corporations should be free of all regulation and interference.
You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives, yet you want government to regulate same-gender marriages, access to birth control, and what your official language should be.
You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.
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You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.
You have to be against all government programs, but expect Social Security checks on time.
You have to believe that AIDS victims deserve their disease, but smokers with lung cancer and overweight individuals with heart disease don't deserve theirs.
You have to appreciate the power rush that comes with sporting a gun.
You have to believe everything Rush Limbaugh says.
You have to believe that the agricultural, restaurant, housing and hotel industries can survive without immigrant labor.
You have to believe God hates homosexuality, but loves the death penalty.
You have to believe society is color-blind and growing up black in America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still won't vote for Alan Keyes.
You have to believe that pollution is OK as long as it makes a profit.
You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha.
You have to believe Newt Gingrich and Henry Hyde were really faithful husbands.
You have to believe speaking a few Spanish phrases makes you instantly popular in the barrio.
You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.
You have to be against government interference in business, until your oil company, corporation, or Savings and Loan is about to go broke and you beg for a government bail out.
You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and, by the way, Jesus shares your hatred for AIDS victims, homosexuals, and President Clinton.
You have to believe government has nothing to do with providing police protection, national defense, and building roads.
You have to believe a poor, minority student with a disciplinary history and failing grades will be admitted into an elite private school with a $1,000 voucher.
You have to believe that Chinese communist missiles have killed more Americans than handguns, alcohol, and tobacco.
You have to believe that the ACLU is bad because they defend the Constitution, while the NRA is good because they defend the Constitution.
You have to believe that socialism hasn't worked anywhere, and that Europe doesn't exist.
You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body, but that large corporations should be free of all regulation and interference.
You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives, yet you want government to regulate same-gender marriages, access to birth control, and what your official language should be.
You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.
"Writing is like prostitution. First, you do it for love, then you do it for a few friends, and finally you do it for money." ~ Moliere
