I REALLY need help with parent issues.

[One Song Glory]

Posted: 5/12/05 at 8:33pm

Just now my dad came in and my mom yelled at him because he got upset at me last night but it wasn't his fault. He was even crying a bit when he came in. I've never seen him cry before, it tore me apart. I hate it when he's like this. This happens a lot between my parents and none of my friends know about it because I don't really want them to worry. I try to avoid both of them in a room together so I keep myself in isolation of my room until school time. I just needed to tell someone because it's been bugging me for a while. Does anyone have advice for me or something to help me try to not worry? Cause I'd REALLY appreciate it.

[DayDreamer]

Posted: 5/12/05 at 8:42pm

Do you have a couselor at school you can talk to?

[Broadwayboobs]

Posted: 5/12/05 at 8:43pm

I wish I had an answer for you. It's tough when parents are like this..they don't realize what they're doing to the kids. Luckily mine went through all of that when I was young so by HS Dad was out of the house and it was so much nicer..without the fighting constantly. Sometimes parents stay together "for the kids"..it's better if they just live separately...for all involved. Sorry if this is NOT what you want to hear...this is just my feelings. You shouldn't have to live your life in your room. BTW..don't be embarrassed with your friends...you'd be surprise how many are probably going through the same thing.

[SallyBrown]

Posted: 5/12/05 at 8:47pm

Here's my advice: (granted, I've never been through this but I have a friend who just recently went through it)

It sounds really tough, I'm sorry for it all. But maybe your parents just need to rekindle their relationship, you know what I mean? Example: my friend's parents were acting like the way yours are, and she set them up on this really great night out. And it doesnt even have to be out, it could be a nice dinner in the house, just anything to remind them of why they got married.

Sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear as well, but if push comes to shove, I'd say go with Broadwayboobs beads of knowledge, because in the end, it's probably better if they're really not happy.

Then again, I don't want to get your spirits down. And yeah, don't be embarrassed with your friends because good friends are always there for each other.
Hope everything turns out well!

Updated On: 5/12/05 at 08:47 PM

[Liam]

Posted: 5/12/05 at 8:49pm

i know what you mean my parents dont yell at eachother but at my 20 year old brother constintly!

[IMsooHyprToday]

Posted: 5/12/05 at 8:50pm

I would also suggest talking to your counselor at school. You would probably be surprised at how willing they are to help you. After all, they spend almost all day dealing with troublemakers and schedualing issues, they often get excited to REALLY HELP some one who wants it. Situations like yours are the reason they took the position.

Also, be sure to visit them before the class you REALLY hate, because oftentimes my counsleor would excuse me from it because she knew it only added to my frustration.

[Broadwayboobs]

Posted: 5/12/05 at 8:54pm

You may also want to think about family counseling..if you could get your parents to agree.

[One Song Glory]

Posted: 5/12/05 at 9:16pm

My parents won't consider couseling and I tried it for two years at my old school without my parents knowing and it was more than about them but I quit after a while. I can't really talk to them about it since it's a very touchy subject. It's just stress I think since they both work long hours and but they only fight with each other. I appreciate the advice though I hope that something will hit me. Thanks guys.

[check your personality]

Posted: 5/12/05 at 9:30pm

I know exactly what you are going through - my parents divorced 3 years ago when I was 14, and it is definitely not easy. It is hard to tell your friends and feel like you have problems when everyone else doesn't, and even harder to talk to your actual parents about it. What has worked for me are a few, select friends (mostly who I met AFTER my parent's divorced, opposed to those who I knew before this all happened) and an amazing teacher who is willing to listen to me and offer support. Seek out whoever you can, and stay strong! PM me if you want to talk.

[CostumeMistress]

Posted: 5/12/05 at 10:45pm

I would urge you not to be afraid to talk to your friends about this, even couples who have great relationships still fight. I'm sure every one of your friends have seen their parents fight at least a few times, which is uncomfortable, even if the arguing is eventually resolved. And I am positive that there are friends who have more serious parent issues, like you do. Please don't keep it bottled up... talk to your friends about it. It's not your fault your parents are having problems, so don't be afraid to talk about it.

Perhaps you may also want to try writing a letter to your parents. Sit down and just scribble down all the things you feel when they are fighting, then go back and write a well-composed letter telling them just how upset their arguing makes you. You are a young adult who has to live with their inability to get along and have every right to express your frustrations and discomforts that are caused by this. Speak with love, but do be honest about how you feel. Then slip them the letter to them at a time when things are not quite so tense between them. Even if it doesn't solve anything, at least you'll know that you told them exactly how you feel, and you will feel good about taking action.

Are you close to any of your extended family members - aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc? Someone like that may be a good listening ear and may also be able to intervene on your behalf. No, adults don't always get along, but there's no reason that you should feel that you have to hide in your room to escape the conflict.

One last word of advice - try not to hide in your room. Take a walk and get some fresh air, go to the library, even just go do jumping jacks in the backyard. When you feel lonely and isolated, being cooped up doesn't help. See if there's a neighbor who would like for you to walk their dog or take their toddler for a walk in the stroller... but don't shut yourself up, because that doesn't always help unhappiness go away, sometimes it just makes it worse.

Okay, I've written a lot, but I hope some of this helps. Please PM me if you ever want to talk. Take care!