I loved this! Lets go!

[redhotinnyc2]

Posted: 11/17/04 at 9:07am

Subject: California's secession letter to Bush

Dear President Bush:

Congratulations on your victory over all us
non-evangelicals. Actually, we're a bit ticked off
here in California, so we're leaving you. California
will now be its own country. And we're taking all the
Blue States with us. In case you are not aware, that
includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota,
Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, all of the North East
States, and the urban half of Ohio.


We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will
be beneficial to almost everybody, and especially to
us in the new country of California. In fact, God is
so excited about it, she's going to shift the whole
country at 4:30 pm EST this Friday. Therefore, please
let everyone know they need to be back in their states
by then. God is going to give us the Pacific Ocean and
Hollywood. In addition, we're getting San Diego.
(Sorry, that's just how it goes.) But God is letting
you have the KKK and country music (except the Dixie
Chicks).


Just so we're clear, the country of California will be
pro-choice, pro-gay marriage, and anti-war. Speaking
of war, we're going to need all Blue States citizens
back from Iraq. If you need people to fight in
Falujah, just ask your evangelical voters. They have
tons of kids they're willing to send to their deaths
for absolutely no purpose. And they don't care if you
don't show pictures of their kids' caskets coming
home.


So, you get Texas and all the former slave states, and
we get the Governator and stem cell research. (We
would love you to take Britney Spears off our hands,
though. She IS from the south, right?)


Since we get New York, you'll have to come up with
your own late night TV shows because we get MTV,
Letterman, the Daily Show, and Conan O'Brien. You
get... well, why don't you ask your people at Fox News
to come up with something entertaining? (Maybe you
should just watch Crossfire. That's a really funny
show.)


We wish you all the best in the next four years and we
hope, really hope,you find those missing weapons of
mass destruction. Seriously. Soon.


Sincerely,

California

[Rathnait62]

Posted: 11/17/04 at 9:53am

Isn't it a bit ridiculous to throw the Britney-bashing in there? Give me a break.

Updated On: 11/17/04 at 09:53 AM

[redhotinnyc2]

Posted: 11/17/04 at 10:14am

depends on your point of view - I wouldn't want her in MY court...but thats just a taste thing...

[broadwayguy2]

Posted: 11/17/04 at 10:15am

If Ms Spears wanders into the wrong counrty, we can always have someone tell her which way to drive her home in order to get back into Bush-land.

[Rathnait62]

Posted: 11/17/04 at 10:16am

My point is, in this particular letter, discussing important political issues, why the hell bring up something as frivolous as a pop singer? Makes no sense and cheapens the entire thing.

[redhotinnyc2]

Posted: 11/17/04 at 10:23am

I think the letter is meant to be taken in a much more light hearted tone - its very funny, to me personally - except for the part about the dead children of war. Otherwise - I found it to be almost laughable - in a good way.

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 11/17/04 at 10:28am

Jesus Christ, Rath. Sometimes it's like being pecked to death by a duck.

[redhotinnyc2]

Posted: 11/17/04 at 10:32am

now now - can't we all be friends? (what am I saying???)LOL

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 11/17/04 at 10:45am

Why on earth would someone PICK on a parody? "I have no idea why Jonathan Swift in 'A Modest Proposal' didn't include a recipe for cooking children. It totally undercut the point ... blah blah blah."

The letter was a JOKE. Britney Spears was a supporter (gum chew, gum chew) of the "prezidant, and, like, everybody should support his decisions." Which makes it a political point. And they CAN have her.

[Rathnait62]

Posted: 11/17/04 at 10:49am

Sorry, Namo, I'm just sick of her name being constantly brought up in every conversation about anything as the major contributor to the complete downfall of society as we know it.

I'll stop now.

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 11/17/04 at 10:51am

Complete downfall? No. Major contributor to the lowering of pop culture standards? Absolutely. If people really want to spend their hard earned money watching a heterosexual female drag queen lip synch to a cd while she does her aerobics class, fine. But don't expect people who care about talent to shut up about it.

[broadwayguy2]

Posted: 11/17/04 at 10:54am

are we SURE that Britney is 100% breeder?

[TGIF]

Posted: 11/17/04 at 10:55am

"We spoke to God, and she agrees..."

Love it! - the entire thing too. Thanks I needed that. The theatre lover in me is disappointed the left out Broadway though. :)

[BT]

Posted: 11/17/04 at 10:57am

Rath, I agree that it is time to let go of Brit. She's dead to me.

That letter is a hoot! I'm quite pleased that my little District of Columbia voted over 90% for Kerry. Now if only we really counted in Congress....

[Rathnait62]

Posted: 11/17/04 at 10:58am

Oh please, Namo, like she's the only less-than-talented success out there. That's what's boring to me - only picking on her when there are so many others out there to enjoy picking on. Variety is the spice of life!

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 11/17/04 at 11:00am

Peck peck peck.

[CurtainUp2]

Posted: 11/17/04 at 11:03am

"are we SURE that Britney is 100% breeder?"

God, I hope so! We queers have enough problems without adding Britney into the mix. "You can have her, we don't want her, she's to (fill in the blank) for me!"

[Rathnait62]

Posted: 11/17/04 at 11:06am

"Peck peck peck."

Exactly how I feel. Britney Britney Britney. ENOUGH ALREADY.

[CurtainUp2]

Posted: 11/17/04 at 11:09am

Puhleez... she's got more money than God. She doesn't have to work another day of her life. She's young, attractive, healthy, and has her whole life ahead of her. She can fade off into oblivion never to be heard from again, and still live a perfectly happy, rich and abundant life. And I'm supposed to feel sorry for her because she gets picked on? Give me a break. I have better things to do. Like feeling sorry for myself.

Updated On: 11/17/04 at 11:09 AM

[Rathnait62]

Posted: 11/17/04 at 11:10am

Not asking anyone to feel sorry for anyone! Just to stop bringing her name into EVERYTHING. She's not the only rich person who may not live up to our glorious standards. As a country, we are very uncreative when it comes to who we pin things on. We find one person and go at them and at them and at them. It's so boring.

[CurtainUp2]

Posted: 11/17/04 at 11:19am

That's because she's become a parody of herself and the poster child for untalented bimbos everywhere. And she's not the only one being singled out. What about Paris Hilton? It's just that Britney chose to publicly endorse dubya for president. Therefore, IMO she's fair game and perfectly acceptable political foder.

Updated On: 11/17/04 at 11:19 AM

[Amy Archer]

Posted: 11/17/04 at 11:30am

Why are they doing this? Why are they doing this? They said when you got here, the whole thing started. Who are you? What are you? Where did you come from? I think you're the cause of all this. I think you're evil! EVIL!

[CurtainUp2]

Posted: 11/17/04 at 11:38am

"The Birds". Lady in Diner to Tippi (Melanie Daniels). Next.

Updated On: 11/17/04 at 11:38 AM

[joeyjoe]

Posted: 11/17/04 at 12:11pm

wow!

[redhotinnyc2]

Posted: 11/17/04 at 12:11pm

yes, that was a great reference