"I'm straight, I'm pissed, and I can't stand the hate anymore."

[Q]

Posted: 11/4/09 at 1:16pm

This was posted on the "Democraticunderground" site ----

"I'm different.
I look different and that's not my fault.
I was born that way.
It's a birth defect called NF1, and it causes tumors to grow all over the body, inside and outside.
I didn't ask for this ****.
I had the most difficult type of NF1 at least for me, what's called "spontaneous NF1" which is one ****ed up way of describing what happened.
Spontaneous is a three car accident on a Saturday morning in a Starbucks parking lot.

Spontaneous NF1 means you look one way at 35 and by 40 you look "different"
And by different, someone with NF1 has what I can only describe as pieces of rice under your skin.
Some bigger than others, and lot's of them.
It's wonderful for first impressions, and working in a professional environment as I do for a fortune 500 company.
Walk into a room one day with 20 people that you don't know with a face that looks like a cheese pizza and you will understand.
I deal with it.
I ain't ****ing different.

I was the **** in my 20's and early 30's.
Full head of brown, thick hair from my grandmother on my mother's side.
Irish, tall at 6'4 and 180lbs of **** talking New Yorker.
I had a big mouth, and a sharp wit, and I pretty much fell into a good life after a not so good start that included a divorce and a well deserved stint in jail.
Then I changed things up and things broke for me and in reality I got lucky.
Good job, a couple of long term girlfriends, and many friends.
Some of those friends were gay.

Lydia was my friend.
Lydia was gay.

She worked with me in Dallas in the 80's and she used to cut my hair, and we would smoke joints and listen to jazz music.
Her Mom, Shirley owned a neighborhood hair salon in the hood.
Every time Lydia dragged me in there, Shirley would grab me by the arm and scream "feel this white boy's hair" and I had five black women running their hands through my hair with admiration.
And when we would leave Shirley, a big proud black woman herself, would give me a big hug and tell me "you're good by me".
Because I was a stupid white boy, that somehow was friends with her 6'3" gay daughter, and she knew I didn't give a **** about that.

Lydia loved Sheena Easton and Miles Davis.
She looked like Kareem Abdul Jabar.
She had a spat with a girlfriend, and she started dating someone else, and the old girlfriend got pissed and gave some crack to some street hood.
That street hood caught up with Lydia as she was checking her mail after church, arms loaded with groceries on a sunny Sunday morning, and shot her in the head three or four times.

I never thought about the fact that she was gay, all I cared about was that she liked the same music I did and she made me laugh.
And I'm thinking about her tonight.
I'm thinking about the gay people that I know right now, and that I have known in my life, and in my heart I know that everyone of them that I called my friend is hurting tonight.
I was pissed when I started this, and now I'm just sad.

Tomorrow morning some people will walk out the door gay, and I'll walk out the door with a ****ed up face and a attitude.
We're just people.
Trying to get along and ahead, despite what people think of us.
All I want is to be happy, and I don't think that anyone should get to vote on that for me, or anyone else.
That ain't right.

It's like the Dude said in the Big Lebowski.
"That's like, your opinion man".

I ain't ****ing different, and neither is anyone else.
People can't control the fact that we grow into who we are.
And gay or straight, like Shirley used to say when she would hug me, "you're good by me".

I wish the people who voted against my friends, dead or living, had half the heart that Shirley and her daughter did.
And the fact that they don't makes me sad, and I'm going to bed thinking of my friend.
I miss her.

I just read this back to myself and I almost deleted it, but on second thought, **** it.
I'm posting it anyway."
Democraticundergrand.com

[StockardFan]

Posted: 11/4/09 at 1:49pm

Wow....it's hard to even know what to say to that. But it made me very sad too.