I never realized what an underachiever I was at thirteen until I saw this

[Borstalboy]

Posted: 5/28/08 at 11:04am

Man, when I stole my mom's credit card, I just spent it on cassette tapes and trips to the cineplex. This kid, however, thinks BIG:

Easily the most amusing article we've seen this week: the Money story on the thirteen-year-old boy convicted of fraud after her stole his Dad's credit card, went on a wild shopping spree, and capped off the day with some friends in a hotel room full of hookers gives us hope for the up-and-coming generation...
Ralph Hardy (name, for whatever reason, not withheld) is your average thirteen-year-old boy in Newark, TX. He likes World of Warcraft, video games, and ridiculously wild prostitute orgies. Ralph
1) Ordered a credit card in his father's name
2) Took his friends on a $30,000 shopping spree (in other words, he bought a hat from a New York vintage store.)
3) Back at their hideout (aka a trashy hotel some idiot rented to them without parental consent), they ordered cookies, potato chips, and cases of Dr. Pepper. When the delivery driver came to their door, the boys asked him if he could "score them some chicks and were willing to pay." The man, obviously the only sane person in Newark, Texas, called the cops.
4) Somehow, two call girls materialized. This passage has to be read in full:
Asked why he ordered two escorts, Ralph said he thought it was the thing to do when you win a "World of Warcraft" tournament. They told the suspicious working girls they were people of restricted growth working with a traveling circus, and as State law does not allow those with disabilities to be discriminated against they had no right to refuse them.
That may be offensive, but goddamn if it isn't hilarious. Oh, there's more:
The escort girls who were released without charge, told the arresting officers something was up when the kids said they would rather play Xbox than get down to business.
5) The article concludes with this little gem, which is why we have gotten such hope for the future from it: "Ralph's ambition is to one day become a politician."


The Money Article Here

[tazber]

Posted: 5/28/08 at 11:07am

This just made my day.

[lildogs]

Posted: 5/28/08 at 11:14am

Ralph for Prez!

And what kind of delivery guy dimes?

[papalovesmambo]

Posted: 5/28/08 at 11:21am

circus, restricted growth, citizens with disabilities act...go ralph!

and the delivery guy dimed because he wanted to stay and they said no.

[Unknown User]

Posted: 5/28/08 at 11:25am

"circus, restricted growth, citizens with disabilities act...go ralph!"

Obviously, Ralph will be running on the DEMOCRATIC ticket.

[papalovesmambo]

Posted: 5/28/08 at 11:26am

well, that was a given when he mentioned w.o.w. and hookers.

[JustAGuy]

Posted: 5/28/08 at 11:35am

Just in case you didn't click on the link...at the top of the article there is a disclaimer that reads:

"NB: This story is a parody and is not intended to be taken seriously."

Funny story, none the less.

[Borstalboy]

Posted: 5/28/08 at 11:39am

Ah, I should have known!

[Unknown User]

Posted: 5/28/08 at 11:41am

I think it was Calvin Trillin who said "The best stories never check out!"

[lildogs]

Posted: 5/28/08 at 11:51am

I thought that was awfully clever for a Texas teen...still, good story.

[JerseyGirl2]

Posted: 5/28/08 at 11:58am

Funny... I did the EXACT same thing when I became the "Most Popular Sim" in The Sims Online. Good times.