I never realized what an underachiever I was at thirteen until I saw this
I never realized what an underachiever I was at thirteen until I saw this
Borstalboy
Broadway Legend Joined: 2/9/04
#1I never realized what an underachiever I was at thirteen until I saw this
Posted: 5/28/08 at 11:04am
Man, when I stole my mom's credit card, I just spent it on cassette tapes and trips to the cineplex. This kid, however, thinks BIG:
Easily the most amusing article we've seen this week: the Money story on the thirteen-year-old boy convicted of fraud after her stole his Dad's credit card, went on a wild shopping spree, and capped off the day with some friends in a hotel room full of hookers gives us hope for the up-and-coming generation...
Ralph Hardy (name, for whatever reason, not withheld) is your average thirteen-year-old boy in Newark, TX. He likes World of Warcraft, video games, and ridiculously wild prostitute orgies. Ralph
1) Ordered a credit card in his father's name
2) Took his friends on a $30,000 shopping spree (in other words, he bought a hat from a New York vintage store.)
3) Back at their hideout (aka a trashy hotel some idiot rented to them without parental consent), they ordered cookies, potato chips, and cases of Dr. Pepper. When the delivery driver came to their door, the boys asked him if he could "score them some chicks and were willing to pay." The man, obviously the only sane person in Newark, Texas, called the cops.
4) Somehow, two call girls materialized. This passage has to be read in full:
Asked why he ordered two escorts, Ralph said he thought it was the thing to do when you win a "World of Warcraft" tournament. They told the suspicious working girls they were people of restricted growth working with a traveling circus, and as State law does not allow those with disabilities to be discriminated against they had no right to refuse them.
That may be offensive, but goddamn if it isn't hilarious. Oh, there's more:
The escort girls who were released without charge, told the arresting officers something was up when the kids said they would rather play Xbox than get down to business.
5) The article concludes with this little gem, which is why we have gotten such hope for the future from it: "Ralph's ambition is to one day become a politician."
The Money Article Here
"Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.”
~ Muhammad Ali
#2re: I never realized what an underachiever I was at thirteen until I saw th
Posted: 5/28/08 at 11:07amThis just made my day.
....but the world goes 'round
#2re: I never realized what an underachiever I was at thirteen until I saw th
Posted: 5/28/08 at 11:14am
Ralph for Prez!
And what kind of delivery guy dimes?
#3i never realized what an underachiever i was at thirteen until I saw th
Posted: 5/28/08 at 11:21am
circus, restricted growth, citizens with disabilities act...go ralph!
and the delivery guy dimed because he wanted to stay and they said no.
r.i.p. marco, my guardian angel.
...global warming can manifest itself as heat, cool, precipitation, storms, drought, wind, or any other phenomenon, much like a shapeshifter. -- jim geraghty
pray to st. jude
i'm a sonic reducer
he was the gimmicky sort
fenchurch=mejusthavingfun=magwildwood=mmousefan=bkcollector=bradmajors=somethingtotalkabout: the fenchurch mpd collective
...global warming can manifest itself as heat, cool, precipitation, storms, drought, wind, or any other phenomenon, much like a shapeshifter. -- jim geraghty
pray to st. jude
i'm a sonic reducer
he was the gimmicky sort
fenchurch=mejusthavingfun=magwildwood=mmousefan=bkcollector=bradmajors=somethingtotalkabout: the fenchurch mpd collective
Broadway Legend Joined: 12/31/69
#4i never realized what an underachiever i was at thirteen until I saw th
Posted: 5/28/08 at 11:25am
"circus, restricted growth, citizens with disabilities act...go ralph!"
Obviously, Ralph will be running on the DEMOCRATIC ticket.
#5i never realized what an underachiever i was at thirteen until I saw th
Posted: 5/28/08 at 11:26amwell, that was a given when he mentioned w.o.w. and hookers.
r.i.p. marco, my guardian angel.
...global warming can manifest itself as heat, cool, precipitation, storms, drought, wind, or any other phenomenon, much like a shapeshifter. -- jim geraghty
pray to st. jude
i'm a sonic reducer
he was the gimmicky sort
fenchurch=mejusthavingfun=magwildwood=mmousefan=bkcollector=bradmajors=somethingtotalkabout: the fenchurch mpd collective
...global warming can manifest itself as heat, cool, precipitation, storms, drought, wind, or any other phenomenon, much like a shapeshifter. -- jim geraghty
pray to st. jude
i'm a sonic reducer
he was the gimmicky sort
fenchurch=mejusthavingfun=magwildwood=mmousefan=bkcollector=bradmajors=somethingtotalkabout: the fenchurch mpd collective
JustAGuy
Broadway Legend Joined: 6/20/03
#6i never realized what an underachiever i was at thirteen until I saw th
Posted: 5/28/08 at 11:35am
Just in case you didn't click on the link...at the top of the article there is a disclaimer that reads:
"NB: This story is a parody and is not intended to be taken seriously."
Funny story, none the less.
"Just a Guy. Your feelings are touching. I am gladdened by the thought that you will one day wind up 6 feet under as we all do." - MrRoxy ------
"I do not suggest you walk out the door onto a New York street with your vulnerable child part exposed and not protected..." - Jason Bennett
Borstalboy
Broadway Legend Joined: 2/9/04
#7i never realized what an underachiever i was at thirteen until I saw th
Posted: 5/28/08 at 11:39amAh, I should have known!
"Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.”
~ Muhammad Ali
Broadway Legend Joined: 12/31/69
#8i never realized what an underachiever i was at thirteen until I saw th
Posted: 5/28/08 at 11:41amI think it was Calvin Trillin who said "The best stories never check out!"
#9i never realized what an underachiever i was at thirteen until I saw th
Posted: 5/28/08 at 11:51amI thought that was awfully clever for a Texas teen...still, good story.
#10i never realized what an underachiever i was at thirteen until I saw th
Posted: 5/28/08 at 11:58amFunny... I did the EXACT same thing when I became the "Most Popular Sim" in The Sims Online. Good times.
Pretty pretty please don't you ever ever feel like you're less than f**ckin' perfect!
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