Is the college transition this hard for everyone?

[Unknown User]

Posted: 11/14/04 at 1:30am

So I've been here at college for almost 3 months now and I'm still having a tough time transitioning perfectly and truly fitting in. Like yea I'm making friends and meeting guys. But I still havent made any really good friends who I can call up and chill with any and all the time like I did at home. Maybe its just cuz I had alot of really good friends at home that I know took me over 3 months to make and I'm just really used to being with them. My roomate and I even arent that good of friends. I've talked with some of my other friends that are at other colleges and they've all made some really good friends so far and they've made good friends with their roomates. I'm feeling as if maybe there is something wrong with me. I dunno maybe I just had really high expectations (which i dont think i did) or what. One thing that I think might be is that this is a commuter school near LA and so most everyone has their own life from around here and aren't starting over like I am. I'm from Nor Cal (near san fran) and have been home once (last weekend) since i've moved here in August. I dunno this homesickness thing is starting to kick in again and I just needed to vent im sorry. Cuz ur all theatre people like me I felt like I could really open up to you (not like the people here)

[Plum]

Posted: 11/14/04 at 1:32am

Friends-wise, I still haven't really made the adjustment to college, and I'm a sophmore. My best friends are still the ones from high school.

But as far as living in college goes, I adjusted pretty easily.

[Type_A_Tiff]

Posted: 11/14/04 at 1:34am

I'm at a commuter college too, and yes, it's hard to make friends up here, especially because I like in the south side of the Vancouver area, and the school and most of its attendees are on the east side. It's at the top of a mountain on the northeastern-most part, so once classes are over, everyone leaves campus. Even the friends I've made at school and I aren't too close because I live 45 minutes away from them. There's a big lack of school spirit around here. We're actually known as the "no fun" university in BC.

I'd like to offer words of wisdom, but, really, if you go to a commuter college, it IS hard to make friends. If it makes you feel any better, I didn't make friends until my 2nd year, mainly becuase you start to see the same people in your classes. But it's hard and demoralizing (even for me now, even though I'm graduating soon!). But know it's not you. It's the situation.

[Jess1483]

Posted: 11/14/04 at 1:39am

Definitely! Actually, it's weird because my hall got really close really fast my freshman year, but then about 1/2-way through the year, we realized we really didn't know each other all that well. Then some drama and yadda yadda yadda and we kind of sorted ourselves out into better sets of friends. I definitely felt at a loss for awhile last year, because I'm the kind of person who needs one friend who they can tell everything to. So for the first half of the year, i just called my best friend from home, but I slowly started becoming really good friends with one of the girls on my hall, and now she's become that person. The transition can definitely be rough, but i think you'll find it sorts itself out.
About your friends having made really good friends, yeah, they might have really, but you might find that some of them are going through what i went through, and will have more issues down the line. My best friend from high school actually did the same thing as well.
My roommate and I got along, but we certainly weren't good friends, so don't worry about it. Actually, sometimes that's the best kind of roommate.
Anytime you need to talk, feel free to PM!

Edit: Okay, well, i do have to admit that I'm not at a commuter college, so i think some of this will be different. but in general, the advice still holds true!

Updated On: 11/14/04 at 01:39 AM

[Unknown User]

Posted: 11/14/04 at 1:42am

thanks guys i appreciate it...

[BlueWizard]

Posted: 11/14/04 at 2:00am

The college transition is different for everyone. Some people have an amazing freshman year, while some have a nightmare time.

My advice to you is, go join some clubs and get involved in some extra-curricular activities. Or, if there's nothing out there that interests you, start your own club! College is the ideal time to get to know yourself and what you're capable of, and to try your hand at being a student leader. It IS worth it, and by being involved, you'll meet lots of people, and lots of people will meet you! It's easier to get into than it seems; just approach your don/RA or some people who are already involved and say you're interested in broadening your horizons, too.

Keep us posted!

[Unknown User]

Posted: 11/14/04 at 2:21am

thanks bluewizard i appreciate the advice. i am a theatre major and am trying to get more involved in the theatre dept here. i ASMed the opera this semester which closed a couple weeks ago. Im gonna ASM or SM another show or two next semester too so I dont really wann join a club cuz im afraid i wont have enough time for it cuz when i work on a show i spend alot of time on it especially as an SM and im also trying to get some electrician (hang/focus) work around here cuz i do that too.

[BlueWizard]

Posted: 11/14/04 at 2:36am

I dont really wann join a club cuz im afraid i wont have enough time for it cuz when i work on a show i spend alot of time on it especially as an SM and im also trying to get some electrician (hang/focus) work around here cuz i do that too.

Completely understandable. It sounds like you live in residence, though; have you tried helping out at events thrown by your house/floor? (I don't know how your residences are organized.) That might be a great way to get to know the people you're living with.

[Unknown User]

Posted: 11/14/04 at 2:40am

yea i've tried to attend the events for the dorms but they r always during my classes or when i have (had) rehearsals....i have met alot of people on my floor though and actually become close to a good amount of them. but most of them go home on the weekends (which i cant too easily cuz its a 5-6hr drive) and some r also involved in frats which take up a ton of their time so i still dont feel extremely close with them

[Type_A_Tiff]

Posted: 11/14/04 at 2:42am

what about theatre people? it should be a fairly small department filled with people with the same interests and drives as you!

[Unknown User]

Posted: 11/14/04 at 2:55am

true but like i said this a commuter school and so everyone else already has an outside life.... i dont see them too often, i am making friends with them surely but slowly tho

[Type_A_Tiff]

Posted: 11/14/04 at 3:04am

Yeah it's tough at a commuter school. same problem with me. I've got friends at school, but on the weekends, I rarely see them. In fact, I'm at home on a Saturday night and they're out clubbing because they live in the same vicinity and I'm 45 minutes away from them. SUCKS.

Give it time though. 3 months seems like a long time, but it'll grow and so will your social circle!

[Unknown User]

Posted: 11/14/04 at 3:13am

thanks!

[Jon]

Posted: 11/14/04 at 6:17am

The worst is yet to come.... then it gets better.

You will feel terrible about how things are going when you come home for Christmas break. Your friends and family will try to cheer yuo up and convince you it's going to get better. Then you will go back in January and it will NOT be better. It wiol be worse than ever, and you will consider dropping out or commiting suicide. JUST HOLD ON AND GET THROUGH THE WINTER!

I swear, practically everyone I know either had a nervous breakdown, dropped out, or in some way freaked out during January/February of their freshman year of college.

For some of them, it was a matter of not being emotionally mature enough to go away from home and have to deal with all that responsibility. I sometimes think that starting out at a junior college close to home for a year, then transfering to a bigger school away from home is a good idea.

[laactress]

Posted: 11/14/04 at 10:33am

Where in LA are you? I'll be your friend? Seriouslly, if you ever need anything just let me know!

Ok, so I have several friends that are in college right now and EVERY sinlge one of them is having a rough time. Well, all but one and that one person goes to Berkley up in no cal. I think it's because she is close to home. One of them is even coming home because she is so miserable at Berklee school of music in Boston. Then the other one that goes to Berklee is not that happy so we will see what happens with her, the one coming home is in her second year! So please know that you are not alone in this. It's just something you have to muddle through or decide on somewhere else like my friend who is moving home and going to school here instead! Not to bring you down, but I wanted you to know that you are not alone. And I hope things work out for you in every way. And again, if you ever need anything please pm me!

[bythesword84]

Posted: 11/14/04 at 11:11am

When I started college (at a commuter school) I was going into it with 23 other people from my graduating high school class so everywhere I went I knew people. I did make friends there even though I hated the school itself, and I still love the friends I've made there. However, I hated the school so much that I switched to another one after 2 years and now I'm a heck of a lot happier.

[Plum]

Posted: 11/14/04 at 11:42am

*snort*

I guess I had a delayed reaction, then. I didn't sink into the depths of despair until March of my freshman year. But I managed not to completely self-destruct, and as they say, "I'm still here." Going home for the summer and feeding my theater addiction really helped afterwards. :)

You'll be okay. People are endlessly adaptable. We may not like it, but we change.

[Jess1483]

Posted: 11/14/04 at 11:51am

During January at my school, we only take one class and it's freezing outside (there were a couple -40 days last winter) and the freshman are required to stay on campus (I'm going to Africa this year, must...escape...cold) so pretty much everyone has a breakdown of some sort. You have to spend so much time together, that you can really get sick of one another. It's actually a good determiner of who your real friends are. If you can stand them by February, they're a true friend.
I think winter is the key though. Get through winter and you'll be set. If it's not okay by the end of February or March though, you may want to seriously consider transferring. Just a thought.

[bythesword84]

Posted: 11/14/04 at 12:47pm

"I didn't sink into the depths of despair until March of my freshman year."

No, Plum, that's actually very common. Two of my closest friends went to their respective colleges and absolutely loved their schools because of the whole "newness" of it. Then come spring they were telling me how it just wasn't the same because the newness had worn off and it came down to them being somewhat depressed as well. So, you're not the only one who has a delayed reaction, don't worry.

[Plum]

Posted: 11/14/04 at 2:01pm

It was a combination of the loss of novelty, the realization that I really wasn't making good friends, and academic overload that led to it. Anyway, I got over it, and now I'm back to my usual state of slight depression. :P