It's a hard-knocked life...and sometimes life sucks

[wickedrentq]

Posted: 9/29/05 at 12:03am

Debated posting this, but I'm realizing how important some support has already been, so I guess the more the better. My parents, who never fought, were the best and most caring parents ever, loved us and each other soo much, had what I thought was really the perfect marraige...are getting divorced.

I'm just shocked. What's currently worst, see I'm 19, and the youngest. I'm at home going to community college, my oldest sisters are away at colleges/jobs upstate...and my mom can't tell them over the phone so we're going up and telling them this weekend...but I can't even talk to my sisters about it...for a week, I'm the only one who knows about this, and i hafta act pretty cheery when I talk to them. It's hard. I just feel kinda isolated.

Updated On: 9/29/05 at 12:03 AM

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 9/29/05 at 12:54am

hey, wickedrentq

I was in grad school when I got the call and I really felt let down, too. I kept thinking, why bother now? After all my parents went through with my Dad being sick so much, etc., etc. why didn't they get the divorce back when they were arguing? I kind of felt very sad about it, like a heavy feeling, and like I somehow was a failure even though I had nothing to do with it.

Those two.

So then they started seeing each other on weekends. And then Dad would sleep over weekends. And then weekends somehow began to begin on Thursdays and end on Wednesdays and my own parents were living in sin (except in the Catholic Church, of course because my Dad was Catholic and that's where they got married the first time). So I go to get an adult baptism and the priest is asking me questions and he asks if my parents are still married. So I say no but they're living together. So he says it sounds like they're still married to him.

Then their grandson was turning four and they didn't know how to tell him they weren't married so they got remarried, in Church yet (the Episcopal Church, they'll marry about anybody, even people who are already married). So I learned in general to look at the absurdity of life and the humor of it and not to take it all too seriously.

I mean your Mum's dumped this on you, but she doesn't want you to tell your sisters and there is a tad of rediculousness about that at the same time you're dealing with the oppression of it.

I don't know if I've helped you any, but this I know. You may not be able to change a situation but you can change your own reactions and attitude to it, and looking at things with a light sense of humor or even a MASH sense of humor can help a lot. That's what the docs and nurses do when they deal with a lot of gravity. You might try seeing if you can get your parents to laugh a little, gently. It can ease up tension...

Best wishes to you,
NDP
Updated On: 9/29/05 at 12:54 AM