Life Question

[TheatreGrl]

Posted: 5/1/05 at 5:05pm

Hello all,

Recently I posted about a date I had (where we saw Fever Pitch) and within two days he had declared he was in love with me...yeah, abit scary but whatever...I ended it with him...I find myself not wanting to share my time with anyone (does that sound selfish)? I mean i have my best friends and I'm ok with hanging out with them but when it comes to men..I just pull away...I get lonely on occassion but for the most part, I am happy being single...is there something wrong with me? and be honest, I can take the truth lol
Thanks!

[EverythingIsRENT]

Posted: 5/1/05 at 5:10pm

There's nothing wrong with you! It is totally okay to be happy being single, and I commend you for being smart and mature enough not to force yourself into a relationship "just because". It would be much more selfish to keep seeing that person when you know you aren't serious! You're fine

[TheatreGrl]

Posted: 5/1/05 at 5:16pm

Thanks EIRent...I'm so confused - sometimes you just need to hear that youre ok from someone else lol thanks =)

[Pinky]

Posted: 5/1/05 at 5:33pm

I love being with myself too. It's so tough to find a man who's what I need right now. I'm in a rough place in my life (school & internship) where sometimes I need him to be with me & time I need him to give me some space. (why my recent bf of 2 years dumped me!) So, you're not selfish....it's great to be with your friends. Plus, the more I'm on my own...the more self confidence I have!!! Be single--it's cool. And if you find the man who fits in your life (and you like him of course) then go for it. Never apologize for listening to your heart!!!

[TheatreGrl]

Posted: 5/1/05 at 5:37pm

I'm also at the age where all my friends are getting engaged and my family looks at me like I have three heads...my mom talks about grandkids and I dont see that in my future...eh its just hard lol but i am happy - maybe i'll just become Samantha from SexntheCity

[Pinky]

Posted: 5/1/05 at 5:41pm

Don't stress....a lot of my friends are getting married too. It sucks, but I'd rather wait & find the one than make a mistake. Know what I mean?

[TheatreGrl]

Posted: 5/1/05 at 5:47pm

Yes I know, youre right...thanks again! I'll just wait for the "one" and not make a mistake just to please the family...

[Elphaba]

Posted: 5/1/05 at 7:06pm

ok, now I am confused....first you say you like your privacy, and for the most part like being alone.
Then you turn around and say, you'll wait for "the one"....which implies you don't want to be alone.

Which is it?

Updated On: 5/1/05 at 07:06 PM

[Jera]

Posted: 5/1/05 at 7:34pm

I'm 18, never had a boyfriend. It's not that I'm ugly or psycho or anything, I just prefer to be with myself for the momment. I find it silly when girls in highschool are ashamed to be single. The way I see it, how can you find out about yourself if you're always with someone else?

jera

[EverythingIsRENT]

Posted: 5/1/05 at 7:52pm

oh i'm so glad i'm not the only one who's never had a boyfriend!! It just doesnt seem thst important at this poiint...

[Elphaba]

Posted: 5/1/05 at 7:52pm

exactly Jera.......you have to love and appreciate yourself before you can love and appreciate anyone else.

[CJR]

Posted: 5/1/05 at 8:05pm

My mother's been hinting to me about grandkids since I turned 15/16 (not that she wanted them that young, but she wanted to plant the seed in my head early, I guess). I made it perfectly clear to her that she'd have to rely on my two brothers for that.

Aside from which, there is nothing wrong with you that you enjoy being single. To the contrary I wish more women were like you. I find that women nowadays are so dependant on having a man in their life and want so badly to be a part of a couple that they forget what it's like to be on their own..... and self sufficient. Up until about 5 years ago I swore up and down I would never get married, I wanted to live my life on my own and being with a man for the rest of my life was far more trouble than it was worth. I dated here and there, the longest of my relationships being my school sweetheart of two years, but I never felt a strong enough connection to any of these men to want to have them in my life for more than a short period of time.

Then I met the guy I'm involved with now and I kid you not, my world and my entire realm of thinking flipped upside down. Introduced by a mutual friend 5 years ago, I told her that same day he was the man I was going to marry. We've had our rough spots but as the years have gone by we've only grown closer..... and I've been realized more and more that I can't live the rest of my life without him.

It sounds really cheesy, but the right man WILL throw you for a loop.... You'll know it when you meet him. And until then, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be free, have fun and enjoy your life any way you want to!

[CostumeMistress]

Posted: 5/1/05 at 8:09pm

Jera, that is very wise; and don't worry, I didn't have a "real" date until college. All my boyfriends up until then were gay, and you know what? I probably learned more from watching others date and establishing good, solid friendships with my gay boyfriends than dating guys who were, well, too immature for me. (I don't mean that as a slam - simply that in high school often the females are more mature than the males.) People won't admit this out loud, but it takes courage to choose to be single and happy about it in a society where pairing off is the desired "norm." Be happy!

[TheatreGrl]

Posted: 5/2/05 at 12:08am

Elphaba: I know it sounded confusing b/c I think I worded it wrong...YES i am very happy being single but i think i am happy with that BECAUSE i havent found the right one...I'm of the philosophy of "if we're not meant for each other, why bother?" like my past two week relationship LOL he was abit much for me...rather than try and make it work (which would have just hurt him or me in the long run), i ended it...I dont know, i think i confuse myself

CJR: It does sound cheesy but I do know its true - the right one will come along eventually

Thanks to all for the words of encouragement

[Aigoo]

Posted: 5/2/05 at 12:20am

In middle school, I used to buckle under peer pressure and I felt ashamed that I didn't have a boyfriend. And since everyone's going "around the bases" and such, I felt that I was obliged to do the same. BIG MISTAKE. I feel like an IDIOT and it just made me realize how much I've grown since then. And it's only been a year!


Anyway, being involved in a relationship is a plus, but right now, it's just not a very important aspect in my life. And I'd make a horrible girlfriend because I'm always busy, so I wouldn't have any time for my guy, and I am definitely not creative or anything. So basically, I'm a selfish brat. And I do agree that in high school, it's the whole "If we're not meant for each other, there's no point..." It sounds very harsh and superficial, but it's very true. I don't really want to waste my time with a guy that I'm only gonna end up being hurt by anyway, so why start? I wouldn't mind going to Prom or Homecoming with just one of my guy friends. I mean, if someone asked me, I'd go, but again: what would be the point?

Updated On: 5/2/05 at 12:20 AM

[Rose_MacShane]

Posted: 5/2/05 at 1:20am

I only went on two "real" dates in high school, and they were both to proms. And I didn't have a real boyfriend until college (it didn't go well, but it was still experience, and not all of it was bad...).
You're not weird for wanting to be alone. Hell, I really like my alone time. REALLY. Given the choice between going out and staying home and working on a project, 95% of the time I pick the latter.
I think you just didn't want to spend time with this particular guy, and I don't blame you--he declared his love for you after two days?? I'd have run screaming for the exits too! When you find the right guy, you won't want to run from him.