MONDAY MORNING CHUCKLE

[Broadwayboobs]

Posted: 1/22/07 at 5:13am

What's a sure-fire way to know you are Italian?
You are 5'4", can bench 350 lbs, and you still cry when your mother scolds you.
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Heaven & Hell

HEAVEN is where:
The police are British
The chefs Italian
The mechanics are German
The lovers are French
and it's all organized by the Swiss

HELL is where:
The police are German
The chefs are British
The mechanics are French
The lovers are Swiss
and it's all organized by the Italians!!

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Have you ever seen an Italian nativity scene?
It has Jesus, Mary, and three wise guys.


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A Italian man walking along a New Jersey beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden he said out loud, "God, grant me one wish." Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the God said, "Because you have had the faith to ask, I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Italy, so I can drive over anytime I want to."

God said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the ocean! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me."

The Italian man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "God, I have been married and divorced four times. All of my wives said that I am uncaring and insensitive. Here is my wish: I would like to know how to make an Italian woman happy.

After a few minutes God said, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

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Why are so many Italians named Tony?
Because when they came to America the boat said TO NY

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When is it permissible to throw water in an Italian woman’s face?
When her moustache catches fire.

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What do you say to an Italian in a 3 piece suit? " Will the defendant please rise?"

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An American was on holiday in Rome,he went into a cafe and bought a cappuccino.
He soon got talking to an Italian woman at the next table.
’ Do you speak English,’ he said.
’ Yes, a little,’ she replied
’ How much,’ he asked.
’ $50,’ she said.

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What is the difference between an Italian prostitute and her mother?
About 15 Euros.