Marriage jokes

[redhotinnyc2]

Posted: 12/22/04 at 12:20pm

> Marriage (Part I)
>
> Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the
>wedding, he laid down the following rules:
> "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and
> I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be
> on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll
>go
> hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old
>buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any
>Comments?"
>
> His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that
>there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here
>or not."
>
> ************************************************
> Marriage (Part II)
>
> Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
>wedding anniversary! The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a
>headstone that reads, "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.'
>
> "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
>that reads, "Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last.'"

> *****************************************
>
> Marriage (Part III)
>
> Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast
>table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed
>either," and storms out. After sometime he realizes he was nasty and
>decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many
>rings, and the irritated husband says, "what took you so long to answer the
>phone?" She says, "I was in bed." "In bed this early, doing what?"
>"Getting a second opinion!"
>
> *****************************************
> Marriage (Part IV)
> A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is
>so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife," Mother of Six" in
>spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides
>that it's
>
> Time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave
>as well.
> He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of
>six?"
> His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts
>right
> Back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

> ***********************************************************
> Marriage (Part V)
>
> THE SILENT TREATMENT
> A man and his wife were having some problems at home and
> Were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man
>realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM
>for an
>
> early morning business flight.
> Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he
>wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where
>he knew she would find it. The next morning the man woke up, only to
>discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was
>about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece
>of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM wake up."


> God may have created man before woman but there is always
> A rough draft before the masterpiece.

[buyjupiter]

Posted: 12/22/04 at 4:33pm

Sooooo funny. Loved the fourth one, one of my dad's favorite jokes to tell. Thanks, needed the laugh!