Oct. 11: On this date in 1987...- Page 2

[DayDreamer]

Posted: 10/11/06 at 1:44pm

I agree, Sueleen. It feels like our community needs a fire lit under its collective @ss. The thing is, those of us in more 'progressive' states should not sit content that things are ok in our little world, and forget that a majority of the country is still WAY behind. Little by little, as some states have inched forward, most of the country has taken huge strides back.

I say let's go to Washington in 2007!

[DG]

Posted: 10/11/06 at 1:48pm

"as some states have inched forward, most of the country has taken huge strides back."

I absolutely agree, DD. And even though I may have my particular state's support, I know that it doesn't translate to a national level, and that ultimately is what counts.

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 10/11/06 at 3:39pm

And then there are sad folks like this:


"I Hate Being Gay"

[Broadwayboobs]

Posted: 10/11/06 at 3:57pm

he should read this book....

Prayers for Bobby: A Mother's Coming to Terms with the Suicide of Her Gay Son


One of the most enlightening books about wrestling with your sexuality and religion.

[cheezedoodle]

Posted: 10/11/06 at 3:59pm

That book was so harsh to me Boobs - and I always think that the parents got just what they deserved in their loss. I always offer Aaron Fricke's "Reflections of a Rock Lobster" as a suggested read.

Updated On: 10/11/06 at 03:59 PM

[DayDreamer]

Posted: 10/11/06 at 4:18pm

How sad to hate oneself to that degree. How very sad.

[lildogs]

Posted: 10/11/06 at 4:20pm

I think Sueleen, that it really is a "one person at a time" process. Thise quotes from Sir Ian really resounded with me, having come out to my parents less than two years ago.

Losing that millstone allowed me to view myself as a person of worth and that I could no longer have meaningless relationships with men because I was now responsible in a new way. I felt so much better about myself that casual sex lost its appeal as a covert activity. Not that I'm an angel now...but the REASONS are different.

And all I can say about the poor little Pentecostal gay boy who hates himself is, it makes me sad to see someone destroy his life over an imaginary person. There's no god, dude, and you're wasting what little time you have worrying about the big invisible guy in the sky.


"And if I'm wrong, I'll recant on my deathbed."--Homer Simpson

[Elphaba]

Posted: 10/11/06 at 6:17pm

Namo, I guess that poor guy thinks God would want him to live a lie..

[Dakin]

Posted: 10/11/06 at 6:25pm

Are the fond memories of these events and all of the good feelings for gay people what cause the gay community to engage in such brutal gay bashing of Mark Foley?

[RobbO]

Posted: 10/11/06 at 6:27pm

"he didn't look like anything I had been taught to fear in myself."

that just says it all doesn't it. i remember thinking that same thing when i went to my first ever gay event in college, a dance sponsored by the rutgers glbt group. i went alone and just being there was a huge step for me as i was not out to anyone at that point.

just seeing other people i knew from my other classes would send me into a panic. i avoided all contact with them by slipping through the crowd to the other side of the room. the other students were not even people i was friendly with, but anyone knowing my secret scared me to the core.

i will, however, always remember two very manly men dancing with each other. the image of those two men sticks with me to this day.

(they) didn't look like anything I had been taught to fear in myself. for the first time i saw people who dressed like me, acted like me, and gave me hope.

hope that i had not had before as i was struck by how normal they were, and how "right" they seemed dancing there together. hope that i could someday be one of those out, proud gay men dancing with my loved one in public.

hope.

coming out is such a personal process, but it is amazing how many people you may unknowingly affect in living openly - just like those two dancing men who never even knew of my presence on that day.

[cheezedoodle]

Posted: 10/11/06 at 6:29pm

No Dakin - actually the fond memories are part of Coming out day period. Not coming out amidst scandal - and not coming out because you got your hand caught in your page's jockey's. Foley would never have "come out" as he did had he not been caught, and as far as I am concerned - he can go back in! But - thanks for asking.

ETA: And besides - he came out as an alcoholic first, then as an abused youth by a clergy member...

Updated On: 10/11/06 at 06:29 PM

[actor]

Posted: 10/11/06 at 7:30pm

Is Whoppi Goldberg a lesbian?

[Dakin]

Posted: 10/11/06 at 9:04pm

OutLoud: thanks for the response. I just wondered how it was celebrating the cause for the gay community to severely bash Foley. I think I understand.
Updated On: 10/11/06 at 09:04 PM

[jrb_actor]

Posted: 10/11/06 at 9:17pm

it's because foley and mcgreevey are much like cohn and hoover--traitors and cowards to our community.

I don't know if whoopi is bi or not, but even if she is hetero, she is a huge supporter of the gay community. straight people are most definitely welcome to stand with us as the fight is really for all people to be free of discrimination based on sexual orientation.

I was in 8th grade during the 87 march and knew nothing of it as I was surrounded by a holy roller phase. I was just coming out during the 93 march. I wanted to be there so badly. now that I am able, I will definitely be there whenever another happens.

and in remembrance of matlovich, I highly recommend Conduct Unbecoming, which includes his story. all of shilts' books should be required reading for any card carrying gay person.

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 10/11/06 at 11:11pm

First of all Dakin, "gay bashing" is a physical act. As far as I know, nobody has socked Foley in the schnozz and called him a faggot while doing so. Satisfying as that idea might be for some reactionary hard right Republican types.

Second of all, Foley is being trashed for being a hypocrite.

RobbO, I love that story.

[NYadgal]

Posted: 10/11/06 at 11:14pm

I love all the stories which have been shared in this thread.

But, my heart just BROKE when I clicked on a link on my Yahoo page, and saw the Editors Note at the end of this daily entry:


National Coming Out Day

By Molly Stenhouse
Tue, October 11, 2005, 12:01 am PDT

Every day, many gay people struggle with a question: to come out or not to come out? October 11 marks National Coming Out Day, an occasion when lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered individuals (LGBT) are encouraged to speak about their sexual or gender orientation with loved ones. Created in 1988, NCOD commemorates the one-year anniversary of the March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights, when hundreds of thousands of activists converged on the nation's capital to demand civil rights legislation. This year's theme, "Talk About It," focuses on the importance of not just coming out, but discussing LGBT issues each day. HRC President Joe Solmonese says, "Every single time we talk about our lives as GLBT Americans, we are another step closer to equality." Many gay people find that teachers, gay-straight alliances, college campuses, and advocacy organizations like PFLAG and GLAAD can offer support to those who want to live openly.

Please note: Due to an excess of inflammatory and hateful comments, user comments have been suspended for this article. We apologize for any inconvenience. Peace. -- The Spark Editors



I can't think of anything I've read recently which has left me as cold and sad as that 'Please Note' just did.

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 10/11/06 at 11:23pm

There really are people who do NOT want people to come out, to share our stories, to find each other. It's so incredibly threatening. Just when we think an entire movement has been reduced to safe and mainstream Will & Grace ... comes that stark reminder.

Thanks for posting that, Addy.

[jrb_actor]

Posted: 10/11/06 at 11:24pm

it truly does speak of the person who would post those kinds of comments.

but I firmly believe that there isn't more homophobia in the country--just more open homophobia. I believe there is less and less homophobia, which is what is making people scream louder against.

[PalJoey]

Posted: 10/11/06 at 11:26pm

Here's one to cheer you up, Addy. A National Coming Out Day message from Judy Shepard, mother of Matthew Shepard:

---

Eight years ago this week, I lost my son, Matthew, to a hate crime.

The violence, ignorance and misunderstanding that led to his death are the exact reasons that National Coming Out Day, which is celebrated each year on Oct. 11, is so important.

This year, the Coming Out Day observance is particularly poignant in the wake of the Mark Foley scandal. Some members of the media, along with anti-gay pundits on the radical right, have been trying to blur the lines between Foley's repugnant behavior and his sexual orientation -- which are two very different things.

That is why it is crucial that this year, all of us, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender or straight, take a moment to think about who GLBT Americans really are, and the things we all have in common.

For the last eight years, I have traveled the nation continuously telling my family's story, and trying to encourage honest, respectful dialogue on gay issues. On the topic of coming out, and living openly, there are a few things that I always try to impress upon people.

First, let's be clear -- being gay or straight is no more a choice than being right- or left-handed. It is simply a matter of how each of us is born.

Anyone who has ever witnessed loved ones coming out -- struggling to find the words to say, wondering if they will be rejected by their most cherished friends or family simply for being who they are -- knows that even in 2006 America, being open and honest about being gay is still difficult, and at times all-too-dangerous.

Coming out and being open is an act of bravery and honesty. That's something that any mother, friend or family member can and should be proud of.

It is hard enough in this world for gay people to come out, and be open about who they are. It becomes even more difficult and daunting during times when gay people are publicly slandered for political gain, which is what the ultra-right has tried to do time and again during election years.

The bottom line is that families are more whole, friendships are more substantial and nations are stronger when we are all able to stand together in spite of our differences and because of our similarities.

Please, whether you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender or straight, take some time today to talk to some of the people in your life about why openness, fairness, respect and compassion are important to you.

In fact, if you are having trouble starting that important conversation luckily the Human Rights Campaign has partnered with Parents, Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) to release a new resource: "A Straight Guide to GLBT Americans." The guide walks straight people through the typical emotional responses people go through when a friend or family member has just come out, outlines myths and facts about GLBT Americans, and highlights ways that they can show support for equality. You can get your hands on this valuable new tool by going to: www.hrc.org or www.pflag.org.

Coming Out Day isn't just about gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Americans. It is about all Americans who want to create a more just and fair country for future generations.

Judy Shepard
Executive Director
Matthew Shepard Foundation

[NYadgal]

Posted: 10/11/06 at 11:32pm

"The bottom line is that families are more whole, friendships are more substantial and nations are stronger when we are all able to stand together in spite of our differences and because of our similarities."


What a wise and wonderful woman. Her words are beautiful.

Thank you for posting that.

[brdlwyr]

Posted: 10/11/06 at 11:35pm

This too:

Coming Out Day isn't just about gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Americans. It is about all Americans who want to create a more just and fair country for future generations.

Very nice, I cannot imagine losing a child to hate!

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 10/11/06 at 11:36pm

Brava!

[shameless]

Posted: 10/12/06 at 8:46am

If you haven't read this thread, you should. It's time well spent.

[kissmycookie]

Posted: 10/12/06 at 11:07am

Thank you for posting her words, PJ.

[DG]

Posted: 10/12/06 at 11:10am

Judy Shepard is one of the greatest human beings I have ever met - and that message is a pretty good illustration of why I feel that way. Bless her, and thanks for posting her thoughts. I wish more would take them to heart.