Please come back Dan Rather, all is forgiven

Posted: 3/5/08 at 11:28am

From reports of the Democratic primary race:

"two Democrats locked in an increasingly close race for their party's nod." "the media said was too close to call." "In any case, neither candidate could reach the 2,025 delegate number needed for the nomination even by sweeping yesterday's contests." "A more heated contest exists between Democratic candidates Hillary Clinton and Barak Obama. "

BORing. Come on Dan, we need ya like a pig needs lemonade in August!

"that race, the heat from it is hot enough to peel house paint."

"This race is ugly enough, nasty enough to gag a buzzard."

"Feeling good about your chances... or are your fingernails beginning to sweat?"

"His lead has evaporated and melt--been melted faster than ice cream in a microwave."

"the presidential race is crackling like a hickory fire here."

"his lead is now shakier than cafeteria Jell-O."

"if you're in the kitchen, Mabel, come back in the front room."

"These returns are running like a squirrel in a cage now, and one can get a little confused."

"close only counts with hand grenades and horse shoes. So close may not be good enough."

"Well, we've said it many times, if--if a frog had side pockets, he'd carry a handgun. And he doesn't have side pockets, so maybe he won't get those states and maybe he will."

THAT my friends is how you cover a close race! PLEASE DAN COME ON HOME! Gloria's got the coffee perking and the puddings in the pantry!