Poor Poor Martha Stewart

[Matt_G]

Posted: 11/29/04 at 8:54pm

Martha Stewart's prison secrets — right down to the spices she allegedly sneaks into her bra — have been revealed by her cellmates.
Fellow "Camp Cupcake" inmates are monitoring Martha's every move at the West Virginia lockup, and are disclosing the lengths she goes to to whip up gourmet treats behind bars, including stashing condiments and such in her unmentionables.

According to letters provided to The Post by one inquisitive inmate, prison guards searched the culinary queen's locker last month and found hidden food inside.

Stewart — Prisoner No. 55170-054 — was caught with the goods and punished with additional work duty after a prison pal ratted her out, the letters said.

The woman squealed on Stewart after the guru of good living allegedly refused to pay her for helping collect food that would be sneaked back to Stewart's quarters and cooked.

The letters discuss some of what The Post reported about Stewart's roller-coaster first six weeks behind bars but also provide outlandish details that were unknown until now.

For instance, Stewart on Oct. 18 was handed a list of items that her pal expected to be paid for, but Martha refused to pay "for the government's free stuff," the letter says. The pal gave Martha up, and the next morning, Stewart's locker was searched. Guards found brown sugar, powdered sugar, cinnamon, butter and other food hidden inside.

A second prisoner confirmed this story. She also said Stewart, since being caught, now smuggles condiments and small portions of food out of the kitchen by "stuffing them in her bra."

Dawn Zobel, a spokeswoman at the Federal Prison Camp in rural Alderson, W.Va., said she was unaware whether Stewart has violated any regulations or been reprimanded while incarcerated, adding that she "can't comment on such matters anyway" because of prisoner privacy laws.

George Sard, a spokesman for Stewart, declined to comment.

Stewart, 63, has been dubbed the "Contraband Queen" by fellow prisoners for hoarding items that are off-limits to inmates in their rooms, according to several prison sources. She was called into a lieutenant's office at least three times — at least twice for attempting to sneak eggs out of the main kitchen and another time for "being too nice" to other inmates, the letters said.

The penalties for hiding food in her locker included cleaning bathrooms, raking leaves and scrubbing a prison porch, the letters said.

The Post last month also reported that Stewart despises prison food so much that she's cooking her own meals — in a kitchenette with a microwave.

Stewart spends her free time these days exercising, reading mail, typing letters, crocheting and watching television with her fellow inmates. Her daughter, Alexis, regularly visits on weekends.

Stewart began serving a five-month sentence on Oct. 8 after being found guilty of obstruction of justice. She appealed the decision, but prosecutors on Wednesday filed a 220-page brief with a federal appeals court urging it to uphold the conviction based on "overwhelming evidence" against the celebrity homemaker.

Some prisoners are so star-struck by Stewart that they "hide the remote control for her" so she can control what is watched, one of the letters said. During the final Bush-Kerry presidential debate on Oct. 13, Martha whipped up a meal in the microwave, ate it and then tried watching the political mudslinging.

"The debate apparently didn't hold her attention because she fell asleep while it was on," a letter said.

[CurtainUp2]

Posted: 11/29/04 at 8:59pm

I here she's also guilty of storing yeast in her panties.

Updated On: 11/29/04 at 08:59 PM

[Matt_G]

Posted: 11/29/04 at 9:04pm

I think I like you, Curtain.

[CurtainUp2]

Posted: 11/29/04 at 9:07pm

Right back attcha, Matt.

Posted: 11/29/04 at 9:46pm

November 29th, 2004


To:

Mr. Robert Diamond
www.RobertDiamond.com
www.WisdomDigital.com
www.BroadwayWorld.com
2 Gail Drive
Nyack, NY 10960-1727
[phone]

Mr. Diamond, (aka “Rob”)

This letter is in response to the “Temporary Access Ban” that was imposed on my account this past Saturday evening.

My complaint is simple:

You and your associates, Craig and Jose, happily use the “no foul language” and “no personal attacks” excuse to yell at, warn, ban, etc. any person that you decide to.

My problem is how this policy is not equally imposed on all board members.

I have repeatedly been called “racist”, “Nazi”, “asshole”, etc. without any bans, temporary or otherwise being dealt to the offenders.

I ask you, is this fair?

Certain board members, especially FindingNamo and CurtainUp2, have taken it upon themselves to follow me from thread to thread and do nothing but spew out insults towards me, yet nothing has happened to them.

I ask you, is this fair?

This board likes to chant the mantra “It’s OK to have an opinion”

Well, that’s true if your opinion is the right one, or should I say the LEFT one.

I express my opinion, then people attack me, then I tell them what I think of them, then I get warned. But of course, nothing happens to them.

I ask you, is this fair?

Frankly, I believe one reason for my 48 hour ban was due to the fact that you were upset that I pointed out that the advertisements on the right hand side of the screen had gotten wider. Incidentally, I notice they’re back to their prior width.

I’m sure that if you were to ban me permanently there would be a number of members of the board that would give each other some sort of cyberspace high-five due to their triumph over me. Now if you could look yourself in the mirror afterwards and say “I acted fairly” then go ahead and ban me. Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.

Incidentally, before you start shooting-off your mouth about me including your address and phone number on this thread, I just want to say that you took no steps to make such information secret as I found it at http://www.wisdomdigital.com/pr1.cfm, which happens to be the second listing when one googles “Wisdom Digital”

Sincerely,

RodneyK

p.s. To all my “opponents” out there: Before you start all your “stop whining”, “it’s their board they can do what they want”, etc. rants keep in mind that I don’t give a crap.

[CurtainUp2]

Posted: 11/29/04 at 9:47pm

Updated On: 11/30/04 at 09:47 PM

[EvelynNesbit1906]

Posted: 11/30/04 at 1:06am

That's really awesome about Stewart -- making friends, getting respect from fellow inmates instead of beatdowns, etc. Her term will fly by in no time. And sneaking food into prisons? Is easy. I used to do it all the time when I was visiting someone there in my youth, and I never got caught. Then again, who would suspect a five-year-old of having a ziplocked sandwich in his pants, and what guard wouldn't be amused by an inmate eating a sandwich that came out of a little boy's pants? The key is to keep anything metallic off of you.

[iflitifloat]

Posted: 11/30/04 at 5:48am

It almost sounds like the article came from The Onion, lol.