#1
Posted: 11/6/04 at 9:35am
One of the great privileges of my life was helping my partner's father through the final stage of his life as he succumbed to the deterioration of Alzheimer’s. His name was Arthur, so we called him Art, and never was a name so apt.
One particular episode has been sticking out in my mind. He had been in a home with a dedicated wing for dementia sufferers - and even though they had to be under constant lock and key for their own protection, they had access to a beautiful garden area. From the day he moved in there, that was Art's favorite place to be. One day, they found him sitting on a bench among the roses, all his clothes folded very neatly and sitting in a stack beside him - and he had his arms outstretched and his face turned to the sun, with the most perfect smile of peaceful bliss lying easily on his care-worn face. He was 90 years old, and had lost any remaining vestige of 'rational' thought.
I've been thinking about this because of the pain I've felt this past week as a gay man living through this election, and the difficulty I've had trying to put things into perspective. And this beautiful memory has helped me to re-embrace a couple of important things.
Primarily, if you let go the constraint of judgment, you can fully embrace the freedom to be yourself. Certainly, most of us wouldn't consider sitting naked in a garden doing nothing but worshipping the sun - and more's the pity. We would miss the opportunity to experience the perfect balance of the world, and feel our place within that microcosm, simply because we're conditioned to worry what others might think.
With this is mind, I believe it is possible to let the haters continue to judge, but still go about the business of living our lives. They may be able at this point to deny us the external validation of our lives, but they can't stop us from loving - only we can do that.
The other major lesson for me is in the message of honoring what really counts. That man on the bench was left with none of the signifiers of what had constituted his life. And yet, at the end of it all, he knew where to find the beauty, and how to bathe in the warm embrace of the sun.
So despite all the horror, and despite all the hatred, the sun still rises and there is still beauty to found in the world. It is simply a matter of choice as to what you allow into your consciousness.
So please, find a corner in the garden of your lives, nestled amongst the love of friends and the safety of your own heart, and turn your face to the sun. I'll be sitting on the bench beside you.
One particular episode has been sticking out in my mind. He had been in a home with a dedicated wing for dementia sufferers - and even though they had to be under constant lock and key for their own protection, they had access to a beautiful garden area. From the day he moved in there, that was Art's favorite place to be. One day, they found him sitting on a bench among the roses, all his clothes folded very neatly and sitting in a stack beside him - and he had his arms outstretched and his face turned to the sun, with the most perfect smile of peaceful bliss lying easily on his care-worn face. He was 90 years old, and had lost any remaining vestige of 'rational' thought.
I've been thinking about this because of the pain I've felt this past week as a gay man living through this election, and the difficulty I've had trying to put things into perspective. And this beautiful memory has helped me to re-embrace a couple of important things.
Primarily, if you let go the constraint of judgment, you can fully embrace the freedom to be yourself. Certainly, most of us wouldn't consider sitting naked in a garden doing nothing but worshipping the sun - and more's the pity. We would miss the opportunity to experience the perfect balance of the world, and feel our place within that microcosm, simply because we're conditioned to worry what others might think.
With this is mind, I believe it is possible to let the haters continue to judge, but still go about the business of living our lives. They may be able at this point to deny us the external validation of our lives, but they can't stop us from loving - only we can do that.
The other major lesson for me is in the message of honoring what really counts. That man on the bench was left with none of the signifiers of what had constituted his life. And yet, at the end of it all, he knew where to find the beauty, and how to bathe in the warm embrace of the sun.
So despite all the horror, and despite all the hatred, the sun still rises and there is still beauty to found in the world. It is simply a matter of choice as to what you allow into your consciousness.
So please, find a corner in the garden of your lives, nestled amongst the love of friends and the safety of your own heart, and turn your face to the sun. I'll be sitting on the bench beside you.
Updated On: 11/6/04 at 09:35 AM
