TUESDAY MORNING CHUCKLE

[Broadwayboobs]

Posted: 12/14/04 at 7:19am

LETTERS TO SANTA


deer santa:

I wudlike a kooltoy space ranjurferXmas. Ivbena gudboy all yeer.
YerFrend,
BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa




Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love,
Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa



Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,
Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with those?
Santa



Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love,
Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.
Santa



Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love,
Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the SH*Ts and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two
words, Jim Beam.
Santa



Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend,
Thomas

Dear Thomas ,
All the toys are made by little kids like you in China. Every year I give them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the Asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.
Santa

P.S.Tell your mom she got the part.

oeLong DongClaus




Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're
awake, like in the song?
Love,
Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa




Dear Santa,
I really reallywant a puppy this year. Please Please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy

Timmy,
That whiney begging SH*T may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.
Santa



Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love,
Marky

Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your Ass kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house,you live in a low-rent,ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa

Updated On: 12/14/04 at 07:19 AM

[AbsolutKnight]

Posted: 12/14/04 at 7:30am

Thanks Boobs! The "chuckles" are my main reason for making it in to work on time every morning! :)

[Broadwayboobs]

Posted: 12/14/04 at 7:36am

I'm glad they start you day off right AK.

[mominator]

Posted: 12/14/04 at 7:39am

OK BB, I think you just made the "naughty list"! I must be there as well because that was too funny!

[TheaterGeek91]

Posted: 12/14/04 at 7:52am

Ah the Chuckles... well, it's as they always say, "Can't live without em, can't live without 'em." Or something like that anyway!
Thanks BB!

[paradox_error]

Posted: 12/14/04 at 7:58am

That was GREAT!
It's funny, I know a gay guy named Francis, and know of another. I don;t know any straight Francis'.
How unusual.
to quote a friend:
"it's true because it's funny"

[ALittleNorthofKansas]

Posted: 12/14/04 at 8:00am

Between this one and the $100 bill story which I still "shock" people with - they are just too funny

Thanks

[laactress]

Posted: 12/14/04 at 11:32am

Oh Boobise, where do you find these? Funny as usual :)