TUESDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
TUESDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
#0TUESDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 4/26/05 at 5:16am
PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.
1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.
4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.
6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.
7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD, WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.
8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.
10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.
(Hmmm???)
11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA. THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.
12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.
14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.
15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA
16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.
17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.
18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS, BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.
20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.
22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.
24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
#1re: TUESDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 4/26/05 at 7:26am
I think that is your best Chuckle EVER!!!
I loved it so much!!!
#2re: TUESDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 4/26/05 at 8:20amBest laugh I've had in ages!
"I don't really get the ending,all i can go with is when after several months,Judith saw Pat sang,and later she kissed him on the toilet,after that the story back to where Pat went down from the stage after he'd sung,and he went to the italian lady.I just don't get it,what Judith exatcly meant when he kissed Pat that she had seen,and did Pat end up together with The Italian Lady?Please help me,thank u very much!"
Quote from someone on IMDB in reference to a movie he/she didn't understand. Such grammar!
#3re: TUESDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 4/26/05 at 8:35am
That is REALLY helping my Tuesday. Thanks, Boobs!
#4re: TUESDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 4/26/05 at 9:24amGlad I can put smiles on my friends face early in the morning. bway..I hope you're feeling better. I see a massage in your future from BOOBS.
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
#5re: TUESDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 4/26/05 at 11:06am
I taught Sunday School in high school and heard some funny ones. I remember one little girl informing another that the reason Jesus was so humble was that he wore sandals. Sometimes a child's take on religion is quite humorous.
Sometimes, though, it's amazing how profoundly simple and sweet children can be. One time outside a McDonalds, my little brother accidently let go of his helium balloon. He watched it float up into the sky, then proclaimed, "Oh, well, when I get to heaven God will give it back."
Avatar - Isaac, my blue-fronted Amazon parrot. Adopted 9/7/07. Age 30 (my pet is older than me!)
#6re: TUESDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 4/26/05 at 11:28amChildren have such simple and profound takes on life. When teaching Passover, one just piped up and said "But why did he have to be a mean Pharoah? He could have just been nice". Ah, to have a kids perspective again.
Deet: Shira, I Love You!
broadwayguy2
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/18/03
#7re: TUESDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 4/26/05 at 11:42am
"Children have such simple and profound takes on life."
some adults do to....
#8re: TUESDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 4/26/05 at 11:53amLOL... I like number 10 the best...
Less is more
Ugly is beautiful
"My brother plays a drag queen... and I'm surprised he looks as good as he does in drag." - Adam Rapp
"thanks, abba. now i'll forever have an image of you as a tattoed hardcore straightedge grrl savaging people in the mosh pit." - papalovesmambo
"Yeah Abba. All the filthy crap you spew out there on those boards. I for one, am equally shocked. :-P" - AnnaK
Ugly is beautiful
"My brother plays a drag queen... and I'm surprised he looks as good as he does in drag." - Adam Rapp
"thanks, abba. now i'll forever have an image of you as a tattoed hardcore straightedge grrl savaging people in the mosh pit." - papalovesmambo
"Yeah Abba. All the filthy crap you spew out there on those boards. I for one, am equally shocked. :-P" - AnnaK
Jamie Hat
Broadway Star Joined: 4/5/04
#10re: TUESDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 4/26/05 at 2:00pmGosh do I love boobs. Well done. Well done.
#11re: TUESDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 4/26/05 at 2:26pm
I love you too Jamie..unless you were talking about real boobs. 
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
kissmycookie
Broadway Legend Joined: 7/21/04
#12re: TUESDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 4/26/05 at 2:30pm
I REALLY needed this chuckle!
Thanks, Boobs!
#13re: TUESDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 4/26/05 at 2:32pm
25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.
bua ha ha ha...
Happy, smile! Sad, frown! Use the corresponding face with the corresponding emotion! - Kate (Meg Ryan), French Kiss
#14re: TUESDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 4/26/05 at 2:32pmAh Cookie..anytime for you sexy man.
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
#15re: TUESDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 4/26/05 at 2:37pm
I still can't get over the brilliance...
This is going into my LiveJournal.
I hope you don't mind, Boobsie.
#16re: TUESDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 4/26/05 at 3:27pmNot at all Doxy..enjoy !!!
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
The Grovers Corners Yenta
Broadway Legend Joined: 8/3/04
#17re: TUESDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 4/26/05 at 5:28pmI have seen this many times before and I still laugh hysterically when I see it. Being Jewish, there is nothing worse than an unsympathetic genital!
"Friends are the people you chose as family."....Me.
#18re: TUESDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 4/26/05 at 8:20pm
:) Kids say/write the darndest things.
Dov'`e mia luce, mio cor?
Updated On: 4/26/05 at 08:20 PM
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