This fetish is oddly appropriate

Posted: 6/27/14 at 1:03pm

"Jordan D. Haskins, candidate for Michigan Legislature, wants everyone to know conservatives embrace imperfect people, too. So let him explain his multiple felony convictions for breaking into government vehicles, disconnecting the sparkplugs, and jerking off while the engines cranked....


Haskins admitted to police that, on both occasions, he broke into the yard where vehicles were parked, incident reports from the Saginaw County Sheriff's Department show. He said he pulled spark plug wires on sheriff, mosquito control and other vehicles parked there.

"Jordan would remove the spark plug wires and sit in the car and masturbate while the motor was sparking and making noises," the police report states.

Haskins was charged with additional misdemeanor offenses related to a third incident at the mosquito control property in October 2010.

According to that incident report, Haskins again said that he damaged county vehicles by pulling spark plug wires to "masturbate while cranking the engine." Deputies said he told them the act is a sexual fetish he learned about online."

Isn't there something almost mystically appropriate that a Republican would get off by disabling government vehicles then attempting to start them?
Aren't they all "cranking"?

[Brian07663NJ]

Posted: 6/27/14 at 1:14pm

[Hulmeman]

Posted: 6/27/14 at 1:16pm

Clearly there should be a support group for the vehicles involved. This is abuse and vehicles have the right to expect their spark plugs to be unmolested.

[tazber]

Posted: 6/27/14 at 3:07pm

And they're worried gay marriage will lead to inter-species weddings?

[Mister Matt]

Posted: 6/27/14 at 3:34pm

Goats, specifically. Only goats.

[Addison D.]

Posted: 6/27/14 at 4:19pm

"Pedal Pumping" is definitely a "thing".

I used to go out with a dude who was heavily into it. The relationship was never going to work--I don't even let people EAT in my car...