#1
Posted: 10/13/04 at 7:28am
Twelve Rules For Living
12. Never take life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive.
11. Life is sexually transmitted.
10. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
9. Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection make him a sandwich.
8. Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a person to use the internet and he won’t bother you for weeks.
7. Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
6. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
5. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
4. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
3. In the 60’s people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
2. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
The #1 thought for the day: You read about all these terrorists. Most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10 – 15 years. Now compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. I think we should put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.
12. Never take life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive.
11. Life is sexually transmitted.
10. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
9. Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection make him a sandwich.
8. Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a person to use the internet and he won’t bother you for weeks.
7. Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
6. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
5. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
4. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
3. In the 60’s people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
2. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
The #1 thought for the day: You read about all these terrorists. Most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10 – 15 years. Now compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. I think we should put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
