WEDNESDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
WEDNESDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
#0WEDNESDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 5/18/05 at 5:08am
A young preacher was asked by a funeral director to hold a grave side service for a man who died with no family or friends. The funeral was held way back in the country and the young preacher got lost on the way.
When he arrived an hour late, he saw a backhoe and crew, but the hearse was nowhere in sight. The workmen were eating lunch. The diligent pastor went to the open grave to find the vault lid in place, but still he poured out his heart and preached an impassioned and lengthy service. Returning to his
car, the young preacher felt that he had done his duty and he would leave with a renewed sense of purpose and dedication, in spite of his tardiness.
As he got into his car, he overheard one of the workers talking to another worker: "I've been putting in septic tanks for 20 years, and I ain't never seen anything like that before. It sort of gives new meaning to the term "Holy SH*T."
#2OLDER COUPLELS MARRY:
Posted: 5/18/05 at 7:42am
An elderly couple had been dating for some time. Finally they decided it might be time for marriage. But before tying the knot, they went out for a heart to heart talk over dinner about whether it would really work out. They discussed finances, living arrangements, snoring, and so on.
Finally, the gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. "How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather trustingly.
"Well," she said, responding very carefully, "I'd have to say that I would like it infrequently."
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment. Then looking over his glasses, he casually asked, "Was that one word or two?"
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#3OLDER COUPLELS MARRY:
Posted: 5/18/05 at 8:24am
A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes.
He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."
The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."
"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."
"Well, then, we need a urine sample."
"I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar."
"All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."
"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."
#4OLDER COUPLELS MARRY:
Posted: 5/18/05 at 8:33amBoobs, Boobs, Boobs. Wonder what cohort of yours sent you that one!
Our fingerprints don't fade from the lives we touch.
Puppies are babies in fur coats.
Tinfoil...The Terrorizing Terminator
beacon1
Broadway Legend Joined: 1/31/04
#5OLDER COUPLELS MARRY:
Posted: 5/18/05 at 8:37am
Here's a very short Southern chuckle...
"If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague."
and, my two favorite bumper stickers:
"If they can put a man on the moon, why can't they put ALL of them there?"
"Take your Ex out tonight. One bullet should do it."
Bboobs and everyone--great laughs this a.m.!
Patrick Wilson Fans --New "UnOfficial Fan Site". Come check us out!
#6OLDER COUPLELS MARRY:
Posted: 5/18/05 at 9:20amahhhhhhhhhh the domino effect. See what you have started BB?
NYadgal
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/18/04
#7OLDER COUPLELS MARRY:
Posted: 5/18/05 at 9:22am
Great thread!
Boobs, that was one of my favorites... 
#8OLDER COUPLELS MARRY:
Posted: 5/18/05 at 9:23am
"Take your Ex out tonight. One bullet should do it."
OMG, Beac! I need that bumper sticker!!!!
#9OLDER COUPLELS MARRY:
Posted: 5/18/05 at 9:31am
A man standing in line at a check out counter of a
grocery store was very surprised when a very
attractive woman behind him said, "Hello!" Her face
was beaming.
He gave her that "who are you look," and couldn't
remember ever having seen her before.
Then, noticing his look, she figured she had made a
mistake and apologized. "Look," she said "I'm really
sorry but when I first saw you, I thought you were the
father of one of my children," and walked out of the
store.
The guy was dumbfounded and thought to himself, "What
the hell is the world coming to? Here is an attractive
woman who can't keep track of who fathers her
children! "
However, he was somewhat flattered that he might
resemble one of her former lovers. Then again he got a
little panicky. "I don't remember her," he thought
but, MAYBE....during one of the wild parties he had
been to when he was in college, perhaps he did father
her child!
He sat in his car, holding his head in his hands,
never realizing that she was his son's second grade teacher.
#10OLDER COUPLELS MARRY:
Posted: 5/18/05 at 9:33amThat was great Boobs!!
Our fingerprints don't fade from the lives we touch.
Puppies are babies in fur coats.
Tinfoil...The Terrorizing Terminator
#11OLDER COUPLELS MARRY:
Posted: 5/18/05 at 9:34amBB - had NO idea where that was going! Xcellent!
#12Wednesday Morning Chuckles
Posted: 5/18/05 at 11:08amDoes everyone like my new tagline?
#13Hijacked
Posted: 5/18/05 at 11:46am
Three ducks walked into a bar.
"Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the
first duck.
"Huey," was the reply.
"How's your day been, Huey?"
"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of
puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said
Huey.
"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to
the second duck, "Hi,
and what's your name?"
"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.
"So how's your day been, Dewey?" he asked.
"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and
out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck
want?"
The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So,
you must be Louie?"
"No," she said, batting her eyelashes. "My name is
Puddles."
beacon1
Broadway Legend Joined: 1/31/04
#14Hijacked
Posted: 5/18/05 at 11:49amLOL ~FF~
Patrick Wilson Fans --New "UnOfficial Fan Site". Come check us out!
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