#1
Airplane Deficiencies
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form,
called a "gripe
sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the
aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs
on the form, &
then
pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of
humor. Here are
some actual maintenance complaints submitted by
Quantas' pilots & the
solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has
never had an
accident.
(P= The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S= The solution and action taken by mechanics.)
****************************************************************
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
----------------------------------------
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
----------------------------------------
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
----------------------------------------
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
----------------------------------------
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200
feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
----------------------------------------
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
----------------------------------------
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
----------------------------------------
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.
----------------------------------------
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
----------------------------------------
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
----------------------------------------
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
----------------------------------------
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, & be
serious.
----------------------------------------
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
----------------------------------------
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
----------------------------------------
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds
like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
Posted: 3/29/05 at 2:48pm
Airplane Deficiencies
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form,
called a "gripe
sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the
aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs
on the form, &
then
pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of
humor. Here are
some actual maintenance complaints submitted by
Quantas' pilots & the
solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has
never had an
accident.
(P= The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S= The solution and action taken by mechanics.)
****************************************************************
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
----------------------------------------
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
----------------------------------------
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
----------------------------------------
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
----------------------------------------
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200
feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
----------------------------------------
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
----------------------------------------
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
----------------------------------------
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.
----------------------------------------
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
----------------------------------------
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
----------------------------------------
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
----------------------------------------
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, & be
serious.
----------------------------------------
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
----------------------------------------
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
----------------------------------------
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds
like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
"I don't really get the ending,all i can go with is when after several months,Judith saw Pat sang,and later she kissed him on the toilet,after that the story back to where Pat went down from the stage after he'd sung,and he went to the italian lady.I just don't get it,what Judith exatcly meant when he kissed Pat that she had seen,and did Pat end up together with The Italian Lady?Please help me,thank u very much!"
Quote from someone on IMDB in reference to a movie he/she didn't understand. Such grammar!
Updated On: 3/29/05 at 02:48 PM
