Who Wants to Critique A Monologue I Wrote?

[Cruel_Sandwich]

Posted: 2/5/06 at 7:09pm

I've sent this to a few of you, but was wondering if I could get feedback from the board at large:

"WISP GETS A PIZZA
By Jeremy Moran

The doorbell rings.

WISP
Greetings, courier boy of Italian cheese-laden wonderment! What a beautiful day it is to request a pie, especially a pie of such grandeur and magnificence as the one you bear on this fine February morn.

Courier boy, I truly am in complete awe of that pie, so bathing in cheese and suffocating in sausage, it is. It is more than just nourishment of the most delectable order. It is a symbol. A symbol of the human dominion over the world! We have truly conquered all! All animals and all plants! These pies are a testament to this fact! Had we not enslaved our fish, how would we attain the ability to eat the anchovies that we so adore? Had we not risen above our fungi, how would we be able to enjoy the mushrooms that turn our palates into cornucopias of deliciousness!

And how varied the choices can be! It can be overwhelming to just choose a handful of toppings to populate the highest plateau of the pie's topography. Yet I take comfort in this fact. I take comfort in the fact that anything I desireshall be.

If I desire onions, then onions shall nestle within the thickets of cheese-laden wonderment! If I desire olives, then olives shall dance before my eyes! If I desire pepperoni, then pepperoni shall spread its joy amongst my tongue! If I desire bacon-Nay! Bacon imported from Canada!-thenwellyou understand my satisfaction.

Courier boy, there is just one question that has been left unanswered. Just one question that must roll off of my tongue and into your ear! How much coinage must I toss into your coffer on this fine February morn? (Pause) Then that amount shall be paid! Courier boy, it has been an exquisite experience talking to you. I bid you a jovial, if bittersweet, good-bye as you ride off into the setting sun."


Bonus Points are added if you actually perform this when the pizza guy comes to your door.

[leap_of_moo]

Posted: 2/5/06 at 7:13pm

If I ever had pizza delivered, I would recite that.

[greeneyed_one]

Posted: 2/5/06 at 7:14pm

Very funny and original. It might border on a little bit long but I might think differently if I saw it performed.

[SueleenGay]

Posted: 2/5/06 at 10:45pm

The sun sets in the morn?

[Kringas]

Posted: 2/5/06 at 10:51pm

Boy would I be cross if I delivered a pizza and someone expected me to listen to that.

[Cruel_Sandwich]

Posted: 2/5/06 at 10:55pm

Perhaps it could be interpreted as him talking so long that the sun is NOW setting...

[vbplayer]

Posted: 2/5/06 at 11:25pm

I'm still laughing about the subject line. Who on this entire board would NOT want to critique.....anything?