actual words from church newsletters

[AbbaRabbit]

Posted: 7/21/05 at 11:12am

i got this in my email

1) Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.
2) Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
3) The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David
Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
4) Tuesday at 4 pm there will an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk
please come early.
5) This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay
an egg on the altar.
6) A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the hall. Music will
follow.
7) At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 pm at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double doors at the side entrance.
9) Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles, and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
10) The associate minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last
Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

[life_so_far]

Posted: 7/21/05 at 11:25am

Haha, those were great... I'm easily amused.

[bwaylyric]

Posted: 7/21/05 at 11:51am

here are more:

> * The service will close with Little Drops of Water. One of
> the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the
> congregation will join in.
>
> * Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray
> the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do
> something on the carpet should come forward and do so.
>
> * The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every
> kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
>
> * Thursday night--Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to
> follow.
>
> * Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the
> addition of several new members and to the deterioration
> of some older ones.
>
> * The senior choir invites any member of the congregation
> who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
>
> * The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his
> audience.
>
> * The church is glad to have with us today as our guest
> minister the Rev. Shirley Green, who has Mrs. Green with
> him. After the service we request that all remain in the
> sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.
>
> * The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's
> Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The
> congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
>
> * The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and
> 11.
>
> * Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church
> secretary.
>
> * Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in
> preparing for the girth of their first child.
>