chorophobia: me

[ally_kay_on_broadway]

Posted: 1/6/06 at 2:34pm

For anyone that remembers my paranoia to dance...

I had my first dance class today. I took it through my univeristy as a credit. I can't believe i'm crying as i write this...what a 'drama queen' haha..

It was an absolute mess. Not only did i look bad because i sat out for most of it but i also let myself down. It is such an easy class- i thought i was going to be able to handle it.

To add an even bigger problem to this dilemma, my bone-thin dancer boyfriend took this class as well (by coincidence. In fact, when i signed up for this, i didn't even tell him)

I was okay until we started learning combos. Not even hard ones, just basic easy ones. It REALLY kicked in when we had to do it across the room. Individually.

By 'it' i mean...well-the best way to describe 'it' is that i could do the combos and such (please forgive my horrendous 'dance' slang- i don't know the proper terms for it) but i couldn't because i was shaking. And my head just exploded and i couldn't think properly and i just quietly shuffled into the group that had already finished. This 'shuffe-into-group' thing worked throughout the entire class. I felt so bad because i looked like a huge snob. I felt even worse because my poor boyfriend knew i was completely miserable even though he was having the time of his life.

I went to my prof./instructor/nicest lady in the whole world and apologized for doing what i did. We talked and she basically told me a have a fear of dancing.(After looking at this on the internet, the correct term is 'choreophobia'. I had no idea there was such a thing!)

The drive home made me realize how true this is. I hate putting my body into weird positions and i feel uncomfortable being graceful. I don't like pointing my toes and lifting my arms because i feel like i look stupid. I feel like its not 'me'. 'me' is smashing someone into the boards while playing hockey. I wanted to go and throw a football or have an aggressive soccer game. I hate looking inferior to my boyfriend and that didn't help at all. I'm also chubby, and i feel like it looks dumb when i dance because of this. Many people there (including my boyfriend) had dance experience already and that made things worse and it felt like everything was working against me today.

I guess the question is, what do i do now? I don't want to quit- it took so much balls to sign up for that course and if i drop out of it i am giving up. At the same time- if i stay in it, i'm risking to be in tears every friday and monday morning- i'm scared that i never learned in highschool, and its going to take another year of humiliation to tell myself that i can't dance.

I feel like i'm looking for sympathy, but i'm not. I need advice.

Where do i go from here?
Why is this so hard for me?

Updated On: 1/6/06 at 02:34 PM

[touchmeinthemorning]

Posted: 1/6/06 at 2:43pm

It is so hard for you because you don't do it enough to gain the confidence. It will not be the easiest, and you should tell yourself that before going in, so you're not surprised when it isn't easy.

But, it is worthwhile. And, it will make you grow as a human being -- and is there anything more fulfilling than growth?

[ally_kay_on_broadway]

Posted: 1/6/06 at 2:52pm

true touchme, very true..

thanks for taking the time to read that- when i posted it i realized what a download that was lol

[duroc]

Posted: 1/6/06 at 2:53pm

I'm no expert on fears, but I think the best way to overcome a fear is to face it. Remember, the first time is always the hardest. If you stick w/ it, it will get easier.

Just as a few suggestions: you may want to try practicing outside of class, perhaps just w/ your boyfriend. That way, you won't have the whole class watching you while you dance. You could even try the steps by yourself, or in front of a mirror. That might help you become more confortable w/ the forms, and w/ dance in general.

[ally_kay_on_broadway]

Posted: 1/6/06 at 3:00pm

i'm with the 'face your fear' idea as well. However, easier said than done....

I don't mind dancing by myself. I love going to the bar and having fun- its just being in a professional environment with everyone looking at me thats the problem..

[Mamie]

Posted: 1/6/06 at 3:02pm

Maybe if you also told yourself that you're doing this FOR yourself - not for the rest of the class or for the teacher, but for YOU. Try to think of it as a fun exercise class - something that will make you slimmer, more graceful, and happier. It will NOT make you Chita Rivera, so don't worry about that. Just try to make it a fun, no-worry time for you.

[DG]

Posted: 1/6/06 at 3:05pm

A professional source specializing in the treatment of such personal issues might be of some help - and in a college situation there are frequently free (or at least very cheap) options available.

[SkierRob02]

Posted: 1/6/06 at 3:15pm

Maybe if you ask your instructor if you could have a partner for the next class. You and the partner do the "alone" things togeher. Then the class after that, give it a try alone.

[DBillyP]

Posted: 1/6/06 at 3:42pm

First of all, I just looked at your photos, and you are not chubby. Get that idea out of your head first. Celebrate your body.

You had, in your words, balls enough to sign up for the class. Something tells me that you will have them enough to see it through to the end. It is going to get easier, and you will enjoy it more. Relax. Remind yourself that you don't have to be as good as anybody else. All you have to do is be as good as you can be. That is the first step in getting better at something.

Go for it sister! Keep us posted!

[ally_kay_on_broadway]

Posted: 1/6/06 at 3:49pm

you are all so true and give such good advice. I wish i didn't care what people thought of me. Everyone keeps telling me that no one judges anyone- but its human. Everyone does, no matter what. Its just getting OVER it and not giving a sh** that i have to work on.

[duroc]

Posted: 1/6/06 at 5:28pm

it takes time... but the more you dance, the more comfortable you'll be, and the less you'll think about other people. When you're dancing try to just focus on your partner, not on the teacher (ok, well, on the teacher) or the class. As my dance teacher says, when you dance w/ anyone always smile, apologize in advance, say thank you... and don't be afraid of messing up - if you mess up consistantly, it becomes your style.

Just try to have fun out there. It's no a competition, and you're not being judged. your dancing.

[Pinguin]

Posted: 1/6/06 at 6:06pm

You especially don't need to worry about people judging you in an environment like this -going to a professional studio can sometimes be intimidating because the dancers can get super competitive and catty, but in a university class, usually the teacher and other students want you to do well and help you out.

A friend of mine went through the same thing very recently when she had to start taking dance lessons at school -she thought that every time the teacher tried to correct her positioning or whatever that the entire class was hearing the criticism and judging her, but the other kids in the class never noticed, 'cause they are thinking about their own improvements.

You learn dancing by doing. Move at your own pace, and you'll get better and it'll be more fun!