love? advice wanted...

[hogwartsdropout6]

Posted: 12/23/05 at 1:14am

Alright... I have done something I always told myself I would never do, and I'm so confused now! I've been best friends with a guy since the first day of Kindergarten (he was the first person I met that day lol) and now, over 15 years later as Sophomores in college, I realize that I'm totally in love with him but I'm not sure what to do! I know him really well obviously so I know how to read his body language and things he says, hidden meanings and stuff and there's a chance he could feel the same way, but I'm not sure if I should risk it or just wait it out and see what happens. So I guess my question is this- has anyone else had this sort of experience in the past, and if so, what did you do? Did it work out? *shakes head*- I've really gotten myself into a mess this time, haven't I? So any advice or stuff like that is greatly appreciated because I have no idea what I should even begin to think or do with this one since there's a long, amazing friendship at stake, ya know? Ahh... sooo confused!

[DG]

Posted: 12/23/05 at 1:40am

If you know him that well, does he have a history of relationships? For that matter, do you? If either of you do, is it something you've shared with each other? And if you haven't, have you depended on each other during 'lonely' times?

Honestly, my gut feeling is, if you really know him as well as you say you do, then the awareness shouldn't be that hard to identify and/or process. And if you really do have that long-term friendship, the open expression of whats in your mind and heart shouldn't shake it, in the long run.

[hogwartsdropout6]

Posted: 12/23/05 at 1:54am

yeah, he had two very short relationships that meant nothing and then another that was about 3 years long with a several-months long break in it somewhere. i haven't because i'm the most socially awkward person you could meet and it isn't due to lack of interest, just whenever things start going well, i find reasons to either stop it or something like that. we've never been more than best friends but we sometimes crack jokes and stuff as if it were something more, and during the break of the significant relationship, i was the only person he hung out with lol. he had pretty much forgotten about me during the relationship but when she dumped him, he came to me looking for support and stuff, but this time, he ended it and it's for good (it's been about 5 months now and we're hanging out more too). you're right, i should be able to tell since he's my best friend, but i'm sort of pessimistic and always convince myself that it won't work or i'm imagining it, ya know. and i know it wouldn't ruin our friendship, but things would be really awkward for awhile, that's for sure... thanks for the help though, i guess i just need to hear other people reinforce the things i try to tell myself lol

[DG]

Posted: 12/23/05 at 1:58am

Mind you, this is ONLY my personal opinion - and I know there are many (most?) who would disagree - but I'd rather put up with a brief period of awkwardness than perhaps a lifetime of regret and not knowing the answer to 'what if'.

[hogwartsdropout6]

Posted: 12/23/05 at 2:02am

lol you're probably right, but it's so much easier said than done... i'll be hanging out with him again next week in the city if plans don't chance (we saw Rent together this past weekend actually, but a few other people were with us at various times of the day) so i'll see how things go when it's just us since we usually always have other people around lol... but you're right, it's better to know than to always wonder. and it would probably help if i stopped watching "13 Going on 30" all the time in the hopes that it will come true one day LOL...

[TheatreDiva612]

Posted: 12/23/05 at 2:02am

Amen,DG! You give good advice.

[iflitifloat]

Posted: 12/23/05 at 5:21am

I'd wait until after the holidays.

[brdlwyr]

Posted: 12/23/05 at 6:45am

Tough call, but I would probably listed to DG!

(I was a sophomore in college when I started dating my wife.)

[RachLaura]

Posted: 12/23/05 at 6:50am

just one thing, make sure that when you decide to tell your best friend about your feelings that he is completely over this girl that he had a 3-year relationship with. even though its been over for 5 months, you really never know with something like that, and the fact that he may still have feelings for her or isn't over the whole fiasco (i'm sure a 3-year relationship didn't end too well if he looked for your support afterwards), may sway or blur the feelings that he might have for you

i think you should definately go for it though!!!

my motto is "it's just life..."

if things work out, great for you!...if they dont, just another chapter and no one says it has to ruin a friendship

[DG]

Posted: 12/23/05 at 8:07am

"I'd wait until after the holidays."

A very good idea.

[KelRel]

Posted: 12/23/05 at 8:18am

Hogwartsdropout, I was in a very simular situation. He and I just celebrated our two year wedding anniversary on Monday. Good luck hon!

[grizzabella]

Posted: 12/23/05 at 10:47am

In my experience, friendship is the basis of the deepest relationships. I agree with DG, Theatrediva and Kel. Go for it, definitely, but choose your moment when you know you'll have time together that isn't likely to be constantly interrupted, and definitely wait until after the Holidays.

[Elphaba]

Posted: 12/23/05 at 10:53am

hogwarts......just be prepared that this could endanger the entire friendship. It could also be the start of a wonderful romance. You just need to realize the best that could happen, AND the worst....and make a decision based on that.

In my experience, you'd know if a guy is into you. Not trying to be a downer.......but few men, or boys are good at hiding that.

just tread carefully....and definately AFTER the Holidays

[KelRel]

Posted: 12/23/05 at 11:45am

That is something to be careful of. We had a long talk where we both had to determine if we were willing to lose our friendship is things went badly. We were both nervous, but it was the best decision of our lives. I think the sweetest thing my husband has ever said to me was something he said the night we started dating. He asked if we were making a mistake because he would rather live the rest of his life with me as his best friend than risk losing me. I was speechless so instead of an answer I just kissed him again lol.

Good luck sweetheart!

[Kristen_0509]

Posted: 12/24/05 at 1:04am

I've never been in this type of situation but I will share this: I've dated my best guy friends before and I must say it's a double edge sword! The make good boyfriends but if you ever break up you lose your boyfriend and best friend at once and it hurts! So just be careful! If you've known him that long it might be different! Good luck!