Daschel is back

Paris got way too out of control for my taste, and I don't mean Ms. Hilton.

So, I'm back, and what should I see but a posting about dear ol' Daschel, BWW's own canine Barbara Stanwyck, I mean what that poor pooch has gone thru at the hands of Mr. Ugarte. It's all well and good that Daschel's devilish owner is reaching out for love and support for our four-legged Candide, but really, can we trust him?

Wasn't he the one who pushed his "best friend" into pooch porn? I will admit a soft spot for the "pre-collar" film, Poochertool 2-The Dogwalker's Bitch..hmm, good viewing there.

As for the Dirty Dog Fantasy Fest, don't waste your time, it's fixed, last years winner, Lord Lapsnacker was sleeping with the show's master groomer,oddly enough also named Lord Lapsnacker ...

How do I know that my donation will be used for the much needed tlc lil' Dash richly deserves? Could the cash I hand over just go for a night at Red Lobster or worse towards a case of Piels Draft? It's all too much for this sensitive animal fan dear readers, I'm off to the Newark New Jersey Home For Low Hanging Collies, at least there I know I can help!

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I had a great idea! Why don't we have some of those lovely colored plastic bracelets made up with touching sayings about saving Daschel? We can sell them for a dollar apiece and put them into Daschel's trust fund. Anyone have any great designs? I think pink is definitely Daschel's color!

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Oh woe is our poor puppyporn addicted pooch Daschel...

At this sentimental time of the year it's even more painful to think of his torment and struggle, that lil' leg humpin' scamp is breaking my heart somethin' awful. I only wish I could truly do something to cure him of his sad hobby, but how can I?

I'm porn pooch addicted TOO!

That's what happened to the CoinStar moohla, OH I made the effort alright, I waited behind the cranked up couple who kept telling me that "ain't no crime in pennies", and stood quietly behind the local woman I like to call "Porkchop Rosie", she of the endless porkchop recipes and penciled on frown.

I loaded in my spare coinage and waited while it tallied my loot, finally totaling 167.25, not bad for a rainy Monday's work! Flush with my charity windfall I skipped directly to my local post office to get a money order to send to our needy four legged friend...but then I thought;

"Surely Mr. Ugarte wouldn't might if I stopped off and bought a six pack of Piel's Light and a box of Tastykake vanilla lover's vanilla cupcakes, I mean I've got plenty of cash still to send...right?"
SO with a few dollars less I continued my quest to the mailman's palace, I remembered I hadn't picked up my copies of Celebrities Living In Style and Latin Torso, again Daschel wouldn't begrudge me a bit of light reading....right?! Still a handsome amount would be left to send off to our candid canine..

But then I saw it in the window of the video booth store, I mean family entertaiment superstore on 36th and 8th, Michael Lucas's new release Dog Walk Auditions 6, the next thing I know I wake up in some dingy flat on West 9th and 11th, covered in cupcakes, empty beers cans by my head and wearing nothing but my 'Free Daschel' plastic bracelet! The film playing full volume on my portable dvd player that I had gotten during the WalMart Holiday Cheer Riot a few weeks before...how had it come to this? Will I ever be able to thwart the tyranny of my doggie desire dna, or am I doomed to a future of profound addiction and unhappiness?

Still, my sad journey has helped me understand on a personal level the living hell Daschel has fallen into...I'm going to search my sock drawer for some extra scratch and THIS TIME I'll do the right thing..I promise, because as a wise toothless scholar once said, "Ain't no crime in pennies"!

Any word on Daschel's recovery? Anything?

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