Here you go:
Sondheim's Blues
Hello folks, it’s me, Stephen Sondheim
Don’t go folks, I won’t be a pain
No, no folks you still get a fond rhyme
It’s just I got a problem that I want to explain
See, I’m under-produced of late
Very ignored
Theatrical budgets are lean
I get my respect, I get my award
But as you suspect
You know what I mean?
I’ve got those
“Everybody loves me,
But nobody will produce me” blues
That “Isn’t he a genius,
But don’t give him any money” feeling
That “Isn’t he a work of art,
But not fun enough”
“He’s okay for elitist, but not populist” stuff
Those “Don’t put on my albums
When you want some dinner music” feeling
Those “I’ve won a lot of Tony’s but
My shows don’t show a profit” blues
Did ya hear the one about Glenn Close?
You’re gonna love this!
She says she’ll do Night Music
“Revival!” she says,
Isn’t that a thrill!
“Send in the Clowns”
But then she gets an offer much better
She says, “Cruella Deville”
“Ya ha ha ha!”
The Dodgers say they’ll back me
“We’ll do it,” they say
“If you get Bernadette”
(to himself) Wow! A job!
But Bernadette is busy
“Forever,” she says
“I’m tired of being your pet.”
(He pulls a rubber chicken out of his pants)
Say it isn’t so, Bernadette!
I just flew in from a workshop of Wise Guys and are my rhymes tired. What do you get when you cross a TV mini-series with a pretentious young British director? The new cast of Follies. Take Hal Prince… please! (He bangs the rubber chicken into the microphone.) Say, is this chicken on?
I’ve got those
“Everybody loves me,
But nobody will produce me” blues
Blah! Blah! Blues!
That “Don’t put on Assassins if you plan on
Disco dancing” feeling.
That “Will you write a song for me
Like ‘Losing My Mind’”
If you want a star like me
Then kiss my behind
Those “Actors love my lyrics but they hate to
Memorize them” feeling
Those “Write for me I need you
Sondheim is prestigious”
As Julie Andrews told me once,
“You’re brilliant but egregious.”
I’ve sunk so love I’m writing songs for
Kathy Lee and Regis
Those “God, that’s good!”
“But, too weird.”
“What was that?”
“What a genius!”
Everybody love my writing
But the Weisslers find it biting
Good-bad-start-stop-rich-bloke-hit-flop
“Ev’rybody loves me
But nobody will produce me” blues!
"And I feel it move me
Like a fire deep inside
Something bursting me wide open
Impossible to hide
And suddenly I'm flying
Flying like a bird
Like electricity
Electricity" - Electricity from Billy Elliot The Musical
Updated On: 3/4/05 at 04:15 PM
