Posted: 9/14/16 at 5:05pm
Donald Trump is on the national stage now, but if he wanted to star in a Broadway musical revival, what should he do?
(By the way, Trump produced a Broadway flop called ''Paris Is Out!,'' starring Sam Levene & Molly Picon, in 1970.)
I think I've got it: ''Barnum'' by Mark Bramble, Cy Coleman and Michael Stewart. It was a 1980 bio musical about a larger-than-life showman who was famous for his outrageous publicity stunts and runs for public office later in his life. Of course, I'm kidding, but imagine ''Barnum'' with just a handful of revised lyrics (with humble apologies to Stewart).
Imagine Trump singing P.T.'s opening number, ''There Is a Sucker Born Every Minute,'' as this:
''There is a Birther born every minute.
Each time Obama makes it to the top,
like dandelions up they pop,
their ears so big, their eyes so wide ...
And though my tale is bonafide baloney,
Just let me spin it.
And ain't no man who can resist me, wait and see,
'cause there's a sure-as-shooting Birther born a minute.
And friends, the biggest one, excluding none, is me!''
Or: ''One Brick at a Time'' - ''To build a wall up so tall to a cloud you'll anchor, build it one tiny brick at a time ...''
Other Trumped-up tunes revisited: ''I Like My Style,'' ''Hate Makes Such Fools of Us All'' and ''Come Follow the Klan.''
However, there's one ''Barnum'' song that the Donald could sing as is: ''The Prince of Humbug'':
''The Prince of Humbug,
Poppycock.
Piffle, waffle, patter, junk.
Hokum, hooey, chatter, bunk.
Wile and guile and Trump-ery,
That's me!''
