Off-beat Broadway-related stories

It was Wednesday, August 21, 2013. I hadn't yet seen the recent Tony-winning Best Play, having had a bad cold when my friends saw it in the spring, so I hopped on a Megabus in the early afternoon and headed to New York. Once there, I braved a very short TKTS line to buy a rear orchestra ticket to see Christopher Durang's poignant comedy Vanya and Sonya and Masha and Spike.

After purchasing the ticket, I headed over to Ninth Avenue and had dinner at the now-defunct celebrity-owned restaurant Southern Hospitality. I had a couple of frozen drinks and I admit that I was somewhat buzzed during the episode to follow.

It was probably around 6:45 pm when I proceeded to the John Golden Theatre, where, in lieu of having anything better to do, I waited around on the sidewalk for a while until the house opened. Shortly after I got there, a group of employees emerged from the neighboring Bernard B. Jacobs Theatre for a smoke break.

Now, I'm basically a libertarian. Though I've never smoked, I am not bothered by others who make a different choice. What I am bothered by is the fact that many smokers appear to take no responsibility whatsoever for the garbage they produce while exercising their right to do what they want with their bodies. For instance, I've seen dozens or hundreds of drivers throwing their flaming detritus directly into the path of oncoming traffic. I bet you have, too. It's definitely a pet peeve of mine.

At this point you might be able to sense what's coming. This group of Shubert employees proceeded to light up - which, I must stress, didn't bother me at all; there was even a nice breeze blowing that evening - and then threw their cigarette butts onto the sidewalk along 45th street.

I swear that the following encounter happened with, if anything, an excess of politeness on my part, and with a broad (but perhaps unsettling) smile (I was trying my best, I promise). I very calmly asked them to pick up their garbage and dispose of it appropriately. They refused, instantly expressing a great deal of contempt for my request, including the use of words that would appear with asterisks if I typed them out here. I then proceeded - and here I think is where my somewhat impaired mental state is relevant - to pick up their cigarette butts for them and place them in an extremely convenient garbage bin.

More abuse from them followed, including vulgarity-filled questions about my mental health. One of them went back inside the theatre and immediately came back out with a very imperious fellow who introduced himself as the head of security for the Jacobs. I explained what had happened, and why I didn't like it - again, with a very intentional calmness - and he bellowed at me that he would call the police if I gave his gaggle of litterbugs any more trouble.

I told him that it was his colleagues who were committing crimes, and that I myself was about to call the police. True to my word, I pulled out my phone and dialed 311. Within about fifteen seconds the sidewalk was completely clear of all Jacobs staff. (For what it's worth, a recording eventually informed me that the NYPD does not routinely respond to complaints about littering.)

The play was amazing.

Anyhow, do I have any regrets? Not at all. I did the right thing. I frankly had a good time during this interaction. I now have a fun story to tell my theatre-going friends. And, most importantly, I've never again seen any Broadway staff flicking their butts onto the sidewalk. Of course, I'm not claiming I brought about real change that day. Only suggesting it.

Please post your own quirky Broadway stories here. I look forward to reading them!

Updated On: 8/4/26 at 08:58 PM