Proof that they'll offer anyone a Broadway gig nowadays

#1

Proof that they'll offer anyone a Broadway gig nowadays

Posted: 4/22/05 at 4:07pm

Figure skater Michelle Kwan claims she was offered a part in a Broadway play.

Excerpt: "Still, other opportunities could sway Kwan from Turin. She has taken acting classes and received an offer to do a Broadway play."

I wonder which play it was? It was painful enough watching her "act" in Ice Princess. I hate to imagine what would have happened if she'd said yes! Her diction is awful!!!
Michelle Kwan offered Broadway

#2

re: Proof that they'll offer anyone a Broadway gig nowadays

Posted: 4/22/05 at 4:34pm

I haven't seen Ice Princess, but she doesn't have much of a personality in interviews, so I don't think a life in the theater is her calling.

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Have I ever shown you my Shattered Dreams box? It's in my Disappointment Closet. - Marge Simpson

#3

re: Proof that they'll offer anyone a Broadway gig nowadays

Posted: 4/22/05 at 4:40pm

Since it seems like everyone nowdays can get a role on Bway, where my role?

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"When you're a Jet, / You're a Jet all the way, / From your first pirouette / To your last grand jete." --Brian Kaman

#4

re: Proof that they'll offer anyone a Broadway gig nowadays

Posted: 4/22/05 at 4:45pm

haha...exactly what i was thinking

#5

re: Proof that they'll offer anyone a Broadway gig nowadays

Posted: 4/22/05 at 4:59pm

this reminds me of the Forbidden Broadway piece in which the Weissler's offer any TV has-been a role in Grease...except that this is infinitely more frightening.

#6

re: Proof that they'll offer anyone a Broadway gig nowadays

Posted: 4/22/05 at 5:12pm

Michelle Kwan / Sonja Henning
Asian / Swedish
Ice Princess / Sun Valley Serenade
Bad diction / Swedish Accent
Olympic Silver/ Olympic Gold

Deductive Reasoning:

Michelle Kwan to appear on Broadway in Sun Valley Serenade

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"Do you know what pledge time is, Andrew"? said the PBS Executive. "Yes", Lloyd Webber replied. "My 50th birthday special must be one program that gets done a lot." "No", mused the man from PBS heedlessy. "Not so much. Our Stephen Sondheim Carnegie Hall concert. That's a big one." Spoons, forks and knives seemed suddenly to suspend their motion in horror, all around the table.

Updated On: 4/22/05 at 05:12 PM

#7

re: Proof that they'll offer anyone a Broadway gig nowadays

Posted: 4/22/05 at 5:31pm

I'll take Yamaguchi over Kwan any day.

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"What can you expect from a bunch of seitan worshippers?" - Reginald Tresilian

#8

re: Proof that they'll offer anyone a Broadway gig nowadays

Posted: 4/22/05 at 5:35pm

I guess I'll take any of them over the whiny personality-less Nancy Kerrigan.

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Have I ever shown you my Shattered Dreams box? It's in my Disappointment Closet. - Marge Simpson

#9

re: Proof that they'll offer anyone a Broadway gig nowadays

Posted: 4/22/05 at 5:40pm

She's being considered for WICKED: ON ICE in the role of Elphaba. They were thinking of going with Wickipades, but didn't think people would get the connection.


Well that's what I heard from a friend who has a cousin who has a next door neighbor who once dated a girl who knew someone on Broadway.

#10

re: Proof that they'll offer anyone a Broadway gig nowadays

Posted: 4/22/05 at 5:45pm

Actually, I heard that "Wickipades" is starring Tanya Harding as Elphaba and Nancy Kerrigan as Glinda.

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"When you're a Jet, / You're a Jet all the way, / From your first pirouette / To your last grand jete." --Brian Kaman

#11

re: Proof that they'll offer anyone a Broadway gig nowadays

Posted: 4/22/05 at 5:47pm

I'll buy a ticket to that as long as Elphie whacks Glindy extra hard with a blunt instrument.

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Have I ever shown you my Shattered Dreams box? It's in my Disappointment Closet. - Marge Simpson

#12

re: Proof that they'll offer anyone a Broadway gig nowadays

Posted: 4/22/05 at 5:57pm

Brian Boytano has just been confirmed as Boq

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"When you're a Jet, / You're a Jet all the way, / From your first pirouette / To your last grand jete." --Brian Kaman

#13

re: Proof that they'll offer anyone a Broadway gig nowadays

Posted: 4/22/05 at 6:14pm

Hey Rath...what happened to your icon. Did Jack murder Maureen? The pic is kinda creepy.

#14

re: Proof that they'll offer anyone a Broadway gig nowadays

Posted: 4/22/05 at 8:45pm

The original London cast of DAMN YANKEES (1955) starred an ice skating star named Belita. She was rather swiftly replaced by Elisabeth Seal.

#15

re: Proof that they'll offer anyone a Broadway gig nowadays

Posted: 4/22/05 at 8:50pm

What would Brian Boitano do? Pay-off some thug to drop a house on Nessarose (the knee-whacking didn't work, as she's already in a wheelchair), then make a sex tape during his honeymoon with Glinda.

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Like a firework unexploded
Wanting life but never knowing how

#16

re: Proof that they'll offer anyone a Broadway gig nowadays

Posted: 4/22/05 at 9:24pm

How about Tonya Harding the Musical ? It is a lead pipe cinch to be a hit

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Poster Emeritus